(CLOSED) Honest, Critical Reviews

Hello everyone, I used to do a lot of these, and since this a new forum and those got erased from existence, I decided to do a new Honest Reviews Topic.

Now, disclaimer: I’m not an absolute expert at English–I don’t think anyone is, or could be–but I’m quite good. I’ve been commissioned to write articles, I’ve won awards for my essays, and even had some of my work published into books. I just want to help give critical feedback to those who would like to further their writing. And writing is a very personal thing so you can obviously choose whether or not to implement my feedback.

If you’d like an honest and critical review of your story (I’ll only be reading through the first episode within this topic), please leave below your:

  • Story Name
  • Author
  • Story Summary
  • Story Link

I’ll be going on a first come, first serve basis, but if you would like priority you could give my “still-in-the-works” story a read down below, and give a little feedback. It’s not published yet, so you’ll have to click on the link on whatever item (like phone or tablet) you have the Episode App downloaded on.

Summary: Thrust into the life you were suppose to live, into the middle of a revolution, and romance- can you save your nation?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6597730759081984

1 Like

Story Name: Ravenwolf Lane
Author: Me, AXORavenwolf
Story Summary: Welcome to Ravenwolf Lane. Olive Owens is a quiet and unnoticed girl, until Leon moves to town and changes everything. Will she follow the path to destiny and find her true love?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4611799802839040

I’d love a review :slight_smile: Here’s my story
Story Name: a Twist Of Faith
Author: Lexi Lu
Story Summary: Faith’s life does a complete 180 when Destiny shows up in her room to explain Faith must save her old friend Damian’s life, and her own. Will she be able to in time?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5399214058766336

Please review my story. I’d advise using the story link or my name to find my story as I’ve been told my story is quite hard to find as there are many stories named the same. :slight_smile:

I hope you like it~

Story Title: Rivals [Limelight]
Author Name: Winter05
Genre: Romance
Style: Limelight (in the title, lol)
Story Description: You are fighting to win your father’s trust to be handed down the family business. That’s pretty hard with your rival company’s boss’s hot son. Will you come out victorious?
Episodes Released: 4 (ongoing)

Winter xx

Story Name: The broken circle of graduate’s diary
Author: Inas shanouha
Story Summary: A young girl who graduated before finding a job and so anxious of unknown and how she’ll face friend-love-work dilemma?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6676456750186496

Story Name: Publicity Problems
Author: Karlon Artis
Story Summary: Samantha Xanders struggles with her fame after receiving unwanted publicity. Can she overcome the challenges of stardom?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4689222272417792

Hey AXORavenwolf,
I really enjoy everything you’re setting up for your story so far. Here are some points I wrote down while reading and I hope that you can utilize them.

*Off the bat, I really enjoy your directing!
*While editing Leon sometimes the options would cut off the character so I couldn’t see what I was editing.
*Olive pops into frame after the character customization.

  • There’s a lot of repeated exposition which could be utilized to further the story instead–but it’s totally up to you.
    *There’s some blocky dialect with some words missing here and there that could easily be solved with a read-through.
    *I feel like the first episode could be a bit longer just to build the drama a little more, but that being said I do enjoy where it’s building to! I want to know who that mystery-man is!

I wish you the best in your writing!
-Robin Bennet

1 Like

Hi Lexi,
Here are some points I wrote down while reading through your story.

  • You have a wonderful beginning, it is directed tremendously well!
  • Honestly I just have to reiterate how much I love your use of sound and directing in tandem.
  • Your smoking “animation” works as well as it can- kudos to you on that!

I really enjoy the concept of your story! The plot reads well, the dialogue is seamless–you should be proud to have written such a well-done story!

-Robin Bennet


Hi WinterMoon 05,

Here are the notes I took while reading your first episode:

  • Your directing is wonderful
  • Your dialogue is fluent and characteristic
  • I only wish that the first episode was a bit longer so that I could feel more attached to the story, but with that said it is a great foundation for a story so far.

I really don’t have anything else to add because you obviously know what you’re doing and created a great story. I truly enjoyed your writing and wish you the best!

-Robin Bennet

1 Like

Hi Inas,

Reading through your story there are grammatical errors which I’m sure you’re aware of. I think it would be of use to you to have someone go through your story in-depth and fix these little things. That being said, it’s not like they absolutely take away from the story. WIthin my notes for your story I included a few basic notes to help your grammar, which I hope you will find useful.

  • All of your sentences need punctuation, I know that it’s weird on Episode, but it’s standard.
  • In the beginning when selecting the outfit the character kept looping through clothing items which was quite confusing, so I would recommend simplifying that.
  • Switching from scene to scene is also a bit confusing
  • The option titles should be a bit more explanatory rather than just a word or such
  • The episode was a bit short so I don’t quite understand what is happening. The plot hasn’t developed enough yet in my opinion.

With all that said, I would recommend that you have someone do an in-depth edit of your episode, perhaps you could even get a co-writer. But I really do want to commend you for putting yourself out there and writing your own story!

I wish you the best of luck!
-Robin Bennet


Hi Karlon,

Reading through I found nothing to take notes on because there were no errors–grammatical or directing-wise–that I saw. That being said I did find the dialogue just a bit repetitive, I don’t think that I needed to be told that my character was a “singer and songwriter” half a dozen times. A lot of the dialogue also seemed to simply be “fluff” as in it didn’t further the plot enough at points which it could have. But if you want to keep the dialogue the way it is, that would be completely fine too, it’s your story. I did enjoy your cliffhanger though, it makes me want to keep reading!

I wish you the best of luck with your wonderful story!
-Robin Bennet

1 Like

Hello Dani,

Here are the notes I took while reading your first episode:

  • I love your beginning scene!
  • Great use of directing. (Especially with the bite scene, very well done.)
  • Your dialogue is fluid and very well done.
  • I appreciate all the little details you’ve added to your story, such as with the creep outside the club; it really adds a lot to the story!

I really enjoyed your story and wish you the best in your writing! You’ve really done a good job!
-Robin Bennet


HI! Hope You’d notice my first story. Thank you <3 :smile:

P.S. it is not really all wolves and vampires there’s more to it so stay tuned
Story: Unexpected You
Genre: Romance/Action/Fantasy
Author: Haneen
Teaser: A girl who thought her junior year would be normal as she expected to be. It turns out there are a lot of unexpected events happening in her life. Will she survive? Who is her man?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5037126225231872

Thank you so much. I appreciate it!! :blush:

~ Winter xx

1 Like

Hey, I’m new here and I would love to have a feedback on my latest story.
Author Elison Daniels
Title Broken Lace
Style Ink
Genre Romance/Drama/Mystery
Episodes 3 (ongoing)
Description Grace has told what to do her whole life, but after she takes an internship with doctor Davis, her life will never be the same again…
Episode link http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4891779506241536
Episode cover

Hi, here is my first story, I’d love to read yours too!

Story Name: Blue Lily
Author: Anyanka
Story Summary: Josephine is a young woman surrounded by people who love her. When tragedy strikes, she turns her life around, making choices she never would have. Will she find her way back?
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5781915250065408

Thank you for doing this!

Story Name: H & V : In Too Deep
Author: Sweet Stories
Story Summary: You Move to Miami to start you new life, but get into a dangerous situation that causes you to get mixed up with a mysterious stranger. And boy is he more than you bargained for.
Story Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6232553186525184

Hi! I would appreciate an honest review <3 thanks!!

Form: Ink
Username: ltxo
Author Name: Lara
Story Title: From Girly to Manly
Genre: Romance/Fantasy/Adventure
Description: Ever since the new queen’s reign the kingdom has been divided. There is a barrier between men and women. What happens if you have to pretend to be a boy, but then start to fall for the guy you deceived? [CC]
Published: Yes, Episode 6 so far
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5238987157798912

Hi Haneen,

Here are the notes I took down while reading your first episode:

  • I actually laughed out loud when it said “Hailey loves to talk to herself” haha-- good exposition plug.
  • I have to be honest, I really enjoy the interaction between Jake and Hailey. It’s a breath of fresh air from generic romances. I do wish that I could get some more explanation for why Jake is suddenly interacting with Hailey.
  • There’s obviously some grammatical problems–which you should have someone thoroughly read through to fully fix–but they’re not inhibiting to the plot or story
  • Some scenes fill like simple “fluff” instead of contributing to the plot (such as the coffee shop scene). I don’t know whether they contribute to the plot further on, but as of now they simply don’t add to the story.

Good job on your story and good luck on your writing!
-Robin Bennet

1 Like

Yay! <3 Thank you <3 I am currently revamping my story since I’ve gathered a lot of story reviews :smile: Thanks for adding some suggestions. I’ll remember that :smiley:

1 Like