Can you please Review My Story?
I wanna know everything I can do to make it better
I understand that the first episode determines whether or not the readers will want to red the next.
So I want to make it the best
I would really appreciate this
Title:- 7 Relics
Description:- You are one of the Warriors, and you are supposed to protect the world from villains but with your messed life, will you succeed in protecting the universe or end up destroying it.
I love the cover, It’s captivating and you can tell it’s a fantasy story!
The description is amazing! It’s captivating, interesting and it gives you a sense of mystery.
I loved the introduction! But I would recommend making it shorter as some readers hate long intros and get bored very easily. Also leave some information out and leave it for the readers to discover and find out along the story.
The music/sound used at the start made the scene with the doctors very dramatic and you used it to your advantage. I highly recommend you continue to do it!
The length is almost right but cutting out unnecessary lines will make it a bit shorter and better!
No errors that I’ve noticed.
Remember to put your full stops in the right places/times, I’ve seen it used on some paragraphs and then none on the others.
The directing was good, but it needs cleaning up. (The scene where the doctors are telling the mc to enter the room.) Instead of the doctor being off screen. You should have them both onscreen, talking face to face, showing the readers who is talking to who. There is space for all three characters to be in the zone!
Use the zones to your advantage don’t have the character super close or too far away!
Also use the zoom option for close ups or far away shots.
Scenes where the speech bubble and animation don’t match, need to be fixed
for example some animation finished before the text had started.
Make sure the speech bubbles aren’t covering the characters faces when they speak!
There is a lack of diversity, I saw 6 white characters and only 3 poc. It’s up to you, but I do believe you should have more diversity, and not only as background characters.
The Mc is 11 years old. The episode guidelines state that characters must be 13 and up, so please change it!
I realized at the start where the mc is introduced to us, she’s very quiet with no personality but at the academy she’s very talkative. I believe the most important parts when showing a characters personality is at the start when they are first introduced. Make the mc at the start show she has a personality of some sort. For example she mentioned she has never talked to anyone besides the doctors, make sure to show us that she’s shy or lonely.
When the Mc meets the 3 girls, the mc describes Myra’s looks, that isn’t necessary because the readers can see how she looks like. Change it to - “I heard a soft voice call out to me.” Anything along those lines will work!
I love the ending where she says she’s the villain, I’ve never read a story where the Mc is a bad character, it’s unique and interesting!
The scene where the Mc is fighting Brooke is a big part to the story and I highly recommend you continue to use scenes like those to further along the plot and give character personality!
Your story is awesome so far but with those fixes I hope it pushes it more to it’s potential!
Final Grade: 15/20
Thank you for choosing me to review your story! If you have any questions or need more advice, don’t hesitate to PM me!
Hey if you’re still taking requests I would love for you to review mine!
My story: Tempting
Description: Being rich and famous is never as glamorous as it seems… After having a breakup you meet him, Jonathan brown, Chicago’s most eligible bachelor. Just a push from his publicist and the two of you collide, what happens when you figure out his true motives?
Hi @reina.a.ep I want a review too and thank you in advance
Title: I married my troublemaker (limelight) Author name: Miss Deepika Style: Limelight Episode: 23 so far Description: Fixed marriage with a person who brings trouble in your life, will this marriage turned out to be a success or big misery in your life.
Genre: comedy Ig:@orangeweedie.episode
English is not my first language so kindly bear my small mistakes