Can you please Review My Story?
I wanna know everything I can do to make it better
I understand that the first episode determines whether or not the readers will want to red the next.
So I want to make it the best
I would really appreciate this
NAME: Villain
Author: RJL
Cover:
Hello @reina.a.ep! I would love to hear what you think of my story too!
Hope to hear from you very soon!
title: Call of Duty
author: Katherine Evans
genre: Drama
description: Isabella has been assigned as an undercover agent to arrest a crime lord. With a materialistic, rich, and arrogant bad boy as her partner, can she succeed? [cc]
anything else youโd like to add (e.g. focus on grammar, waiting for art etc.): Nothing but thank you for your help!
Iโd be very grateful if you would review my story!
Title: The Talk Show
Author: Raaiiinnneee
Genre: Comedy
Description: Youโd think a job as simple as a talk show host would be boring. That all changes whenโฆ
Cover: N/A (hasnโt been finished yet)
Link:
Title:- 7 Relics
Author:- Jeannie
Genre:- Fantasy
Description:- You are one of the Warriors, and you are supposed to protect the world from villains but with your messed life, will you succeed in protecting the universe or end up destroying it.
Cover:-
I love the cover, Itโs captivating and you can tell itโs a fantasy story!
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
The description is amazing! Itโs captivating, interesting and it gives you a sense of mystery.
I loved the introduction! But I would recommend making it shorter as some readers hate long intros and get bored very easily. Also leave some information out and leave it for the readers to discover and find out along the story.
CREATIVITY:
The music/sound used at the start made the scene with the doctors very dramatic and you used it to your advantage. I highly recommend you continue to do it!
LENGTH:
The length is almost right but cutting out unnecessary lines will make it a bit shorter and better!
GRAMMAR:
No errors that Iโve noticed.
Remember to put your full stops in the right places/times, Iโve seen it used on some paragraphs and then none on the others.
DIRECTING:
The directing was good, but it needs cleaning up. (The scene where the doctors are telling the mc to enter the room.) Instead of the doctor being off screen. You should have them both onscreen, talking face to face, showing the readers who is talking to who. There is space for all three characters to be in the zone!
Use the zones to your advantage donโt have the character super close or too far away!
Also use the zoom option for close ups or far away shots.
Scenes where the speech bubble and animation donโt match, need to be fixed
for example some animation finished before the text had started.
Make sure the speech bubbles arenโt covering the characters faces when they speak!
CHARACTERS:
There is a lack of diversity, I saw 6 white characters and only 3 poc. Itโs up to you, but I do believe you should have more diversity, and not only as background characters.
The Mc is 11 years old. The episode guidelines state that characters must be 13 and up, so please change it!
I realized at the start where the mc is introduced to us, sheโs very quiet with no personality but at the academy sheโs very talkative. I believe the most important parts when showing a characters personality is at the start when they are first introduced. Make the mc at the start show she has a personality of some sort. For example she mentioned she has never talked to anyone besides the doctors, make sure to show us that sheโs shy or lonely.
When the Mc meets the 3 girls, the mc describes Myraโs looks, that isnโt necessary because the readers can see how she looks like. Change it to - โI heard a soft voice call out to me.โ Anything along those lines will work!
PLOT:
I love the ending where she says sheโs the villain, Iโve never read a story where the Mc is a bad character, itโs unique and interesting!
The scene where the Mc is fighting Brooke is a big part to the story and I highly recommend you continue to use scenes like those to further along the plot and give character personality!
Your story is awesome so far but with those fixes I hope it pushes it more to itโs potential!
Final Grade: 15/20
Thank you for choosing me to review your story! If you have any questions or need more advice, donโt hesitate to PM me!
Moved to Share Feedback since this is about proofreading and reviews. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if youโve got questions.
The cover looks very serious and a bit bland but over all it looks amazing and definitely
gives that drama book vibe!
FIRST IMPRESSIONS:
AMAZING, absolutely amazing!
Itโs very aesthetically pleasing.
The description matches with the story plot, but I recommend not having โetc.: bad boyโ because I know people will take that in a bad and will think heโs toxic and such.
Also add to your description that thereโs choices
CREATIVITY:
The music and sound went along so well with the scenes.
LENGTH:
The length was perfect for me but most people would considerate it to short, so maybe future episodes be a tad longer?!
GRAMMAR:
Everything is on point!
DIRECTING:
The directing is amazing, the use of angles and zoom was immaculate.
CHARACTERS:
Iโm getting the vibe that Isabella is very serious about her job, which I admire!
Diversity is very well used.
PLOT:
I have read a similar plot before but nothing the less this story is unique in itโs own way!
Final Grade: 20/20
Iโm sorry itโs not helpful review but your story is amazing, I had literally no complaints
Thank you for choosing me to review your story! If you have any questions or need more advice, donโt hesitate to PM me!
Hey if youโre still taking requests I would love for you to review mine!
Pass: Coolkid
My story: Tempting
Author: Tiffyyyyy
Genre: Drama
Description: Being rich and famous is never as glamorous as it seemsโฆ After having a breakup you meet him, Jonathan brown, Chicagoโs most eligible bachelor. Just a push from his publicist and the two of you collide, what happens when you figure out his true motives?
Hi @reina.a.ep I want a review too and thank you in advance
Password coolkid
Title: I married my troublemaker (limelight) Author name: Miss Deepika Style: Limelight Episode: 23 so far Description: Fixed marriage with a person who brings trouble in your life, will this marriage turned out to be a success or big misery in your life.
{Art scenes}
Genre: comedy Ig:@orangeweedie.episode
English is not my first language so kindly bear my small mistakes
Hiya! Thank you for this thread!
I just published my revamped story The Tale of ALYNTHIA and Iโd love to hear your thoughts! Genre: Fantasy
Style: Limelight
Episode: 3 Out now! More coming soon
DESCRIPTION: Working at a morgue is what Eliana loves but when her life gets darker than her job, sheโll need all the support she can get. Whoโll bring back the light in the dark?
CC, LL, Art
MATURE CONTENT
**Song recommendations to play while reading certain scenes are shown throughout the story **