This is a very sticky subject and one that is widely misunderstood by a log of Episode authors.
It is wrong to do anything of a sexual nature with someone if they say no or are under the influence of alcohol. In some areas, states and countries, it is also wrong to do anything if they give off body cues to tell you they’re not interested.
Over my god-knows-how-many-years on Episode, I have seen countless stories in which a sober love interest has sex with the MC when they’re drunk. That is wrong. It is also against the guidelines to glorify or romanticise this kind of behaviour.
I have written a blog post, but I would also love to see all of your comments.
Here’s my blog post:
Please give links/information about the laws of consent where you live if you can! That would be really helpful!
Also, if you have any information about places victims can turn to in your country, that would be amazing too.
I’m not saying you can’t ever write about sensitive topics. I’m saying that sensitive topics are sensitive and should be handled sensitively, especially on an app aimed at younger audiences.
Age of consent in the U.K. is 16. So it is legal for some high schoolers to have sex, but only with consent and with someone over the age of 16. I personally think we have pretty good laws around the subject of consent and rape. If someone doesn’t consent, cannot consent or isn’t in the right mind to consent, then it is rape. Never should unconsentual sex be glorified, it is illegal.
Although I’ve managed to avoid seeing a episode story that sex when the MC is drunk happens, I know there are stories out there. The guidelines need to be stricter on these types of things, but if I see any story that goes along these lines, slams hand on report button.
I’m from Canada, and the legal age here is 18. The problem is that there are still many children who do it, both underage (12. They were both 12.). My second cousin is a proud rape survivor, however, rather than a random stranger, it was her husband. She was FIFTEEN when they got married, sixteen when they had their first child, and eighteen with their second. Her husband was twenty-one when they were first married, and 27 by the time she finally left. She was unable to file charges, as it was her husband (forced marrige, the family was pretty poor). She now talks at schools throughout the province, and works on trying to end underage marriges.
I love that tea consent video. It doesn’t get much clearer than that and it should be shown in every school to every student.
Sweden recently added a new law that specifically states that sex without consent is rape (about time!!). It should be obvious but after years of watching cases get dismissed because it was so hard to prove that consent wasn’t given people and organizations just grew tired. So lawmakers finally listened. And yeah, this law might not get more people convicted but I have high hopes that it can be normative and can lead to a culture change. Especially now where more victims dare speak out and hopefully there will also be less victim blaming.
It always scares me how often some authors purposefully or accidentally romanticize rape. It’s something that will dramatize people for YEARS. Many people are comfortable telling their story decades later even. And related to this, stop romanticising the LI taking the drunk MC home without taking advantage of them. That’s just called being a decent human being!
I really hate to see that, it’s not cute! But I think 100% of the blame can be placed on the writer (maybe 95%) but we live in a society where this is deemed okay, in pop culture this type of thing is portrayed constantly through music and movies, it’s become so normalized that very little people call it out and say “Hey, this isn’t okay!”
Agreed! It’s a structural problem that keeps getting reaffirmed in pop culture and in society in general. It’s a huge problem and makes changing it really hard.
Yeah, the tea video is great. Unfortunately it doesn’t show that you shouldn’t give someone tea when they’re not in the right mind to answer. Like being drunk or disoriented.
Imma do my thing and start quoting now…
First from the blog post…
Most of the readers on the app are teenagers, which means you need to be able to write with a teenage audience in mind. They’re young and are just forming their own sexual identity. It is the worst time to give them bad views on sex because they have no normal sexual experiences to go by yet. That means that they run the risk of thinking that these stories are normal sexual experiences because they have nothing else to go by. That’s why Episode authors need to be smart. We have a duty to not normalise toxic behaviour.
Ok, so this is honestly everything. I made my favourite part in bold because I wanted to emphasize it. I have nothing to add here, just quoting it.
We all did stupid things when we were kids that we regret, and the age of consent is there to stop us from doing something we only think we’re ready for.
So I actually read this and immediately thought about how much I regret thinking I was ready to do it just because I was at the age of consent. I wish people would put more emphasis on the fact that you don’t have to just because you’ve had a birthday and are a year older, you know? And I think this goes for all genders. I know a lot of people would probably think this whole “Am I ready?” thing is only something girls worry about, but I’m sure there are a lot of guys who also don’t feel ready and they need to be reassured that it’s ok to wait and that you don’t have to do it just because you legally can, just as much as girls do.
If you’re underage, there’s a specific name for it: statutory rape .
So in Australia… Let’s say a 16 year old girl does it with a 15 year old boy, that’s statutory rape and the girl in this situation would be punished… But I always wondered who gets punished if both parties were underage… So in my legal studies class in year 12, I asked my teacher what would happen if two minors had sex. Like a 15 year old and a 15 year old for example, and he told me that if there’s proof of it (Like the girl gets pregnant and they can prove it’s the dude’s baby), then their parents get a fine. I never looked into this much further. It sounds kinda fake as I write it here now. And possibly quite rare too because of the whole proof thing… But I guess it’s interesting to think about…
People still do need to give you consent to do anything sexual. That means a kiss too! If there is no consent, that’s either sexual assault or harassment .
I’m going into a personal story for this one.
The year was 2002. I was in kindergarten and I was adorable. The boys in my class used to play this game at lunch where they’d chase all the girls around. It was mostly harmless. I don’t remember ever getting caught, so I’m not sure what happened or why they were doing it. Anyway. There was one particular guy in my class (he had a stereotypical bad boy name for anyone who’s wondering) who had a crush on me and he never made any effort to hide it. It was kind of annoying. His lips always looked wet and that grossed me out. So he joined in on this pointless chasing game and targeted me… Except he wasn’t just chasing me; He was trying to kiss me. With those slimy looking lips This went on for a while. Everyday he’s chase me and making kissy faces at me, until I actually did get caught one time. But of course, I still really didn’t want to kiss him so I punched him in the face. He started crying and told the teacher on me. I started crying too and told the teacher on him and I remember trying to explain why I hit him because I liked this particular teacher and so didn’t want her to hate me, but she just wouldn’t listen and I ended up getting in trouble and he got away with it.
And I think about this a lot now that I’m older and how it subconsciously played a big part in how I grew up and how I would think… For years, I would just take sexual harassment and never do anything about it because I thought if I said anything no one would believe me or that they wouldn’t care or that they would just tell me that the person/people in question were only “playing/joking/teasing.”
So relating this back to the app… Imagine if, as an author, you have the power to make young Amberose realise that this kind of behaviour isn’t normal and that people need to be held accountable. Because there are SO MANY author’s on the app who currently do have this kind of power. Now I’m not saying that if you’re an author with a large following that you need to start giving sex ed to their readers, but as Shannii puts it
We have a duty to not normalise toxic behaviour.
It’s not hard to just not include it at all. If you’re not going portray sexual themes in a healthy way, you can write about something else. In fact, you don’t have to include sex at all if you don’t think you can show it as a consensual encounter. Or alternatively, if you feel you absolutely need to have a non-consensual encounter between two characters, but you can’t do that without making it seem romantic, then the same applies; You don’t have to include sex at all. Actually, if this is the case, then please! I beg you not to include it! There are other topics you can write about.
This was gold. I wish they showed us this video in sex ed.
I agree. Too many authors have made this mistake… and aren’t willing to correct it… And what’s even scarier is how many readers they have.
Something that I don’t think I’ve seen mentioned here or on the blog either is consent also applies to protection. They call it stealthing. I can give consent to have sex with a condom on, but if my partner takes it off without my knowledge then that’s stealthing and is something I have not agreed to. This isn’t something I’ve seen in episode stories, but wanted to add it to the conversation just in case someone stumbles across it and was curious I guess. I found an article about it and the line that stuck out to me the most was
Whether or not stealthing happens as part of a rape doesn’t change the fact that it blurs—if not pirouettes right over—the line of consent.
Oh, this reminded me of this “saying”. I’m sure everyone has head someone say at some point in their life. “It’s not rape if you liked it.”
Whoever is responsible for teaching people this way of thinking deserves a slow and painful death.
I’m sorry, I really dislike talking about these subjects because it triggers me. I was molested/harassed when I was 13… People just told me, “He likes you!” If someone likes me they wouldn’t be trying to kiss me and grope me every time they see me, or grab me by the arm and force me into a kiss.
I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through that. It’s so disappointing to hear that’s what people were calling it. I don’t want to go into too much of a tangent, but I think that people don’t understand what it feels like to be young and harassed. You can easily forget what colour shirt you were wearing, or what day of the week it was, but you never forget how it made you feel and so it’s really frustrating to hear how people try to downplay it
Thank you so much for adding this! I hadn’t even thought about stealthing because it’s almost seen as a joke in a lot of circles. That worries me a lot now I think about it!
Or the classic I got used to hearing: boys will be boys. It just creates a breeding ground for toxic masculinity when people in power (teachers, parents, coaches etc) ok behaviour like that. Not to mention the harm it does to the victims. I remember being told that after being groped by classmates and it made me feel like I was worth nothing. Like that behaviour was ok but my feelings about it were not. And the worst part is that I didn’t even think about how wrong that is until years later. Like I’m just supposed to take it and get over it. My daughter will NOT grow up thinking that.
This went on for a while. Everyday he’s chase me and making kissy faces at me, until I actually did get caught one time. But of course, I still really didn’t want to kiss him so I punched him in the face. He started crying and told the teacher on me. I started crying too and told the teacher on him and I remember trying to explain why I hit him because I liked this particular teacher and so didn’t want her to hate me, but she just wouldn’t listen and I ended up getting in trouble and he got away with it.
Thanks for reading.
This is all too common!