Do you review unpublished stories?
Yes. But only if the first episode is fully finished.
Is it okay if I PM you the link ?
Sure. But I will post my review in the thread anyway, without exposing the link to your story.
Title: Kotton Kandie
Description: Escaped from a loutish husband, Kandie tries to find a new beginning. But what she didn’t know was that her ex-husband lurks in the trails behind her.
What is the main concern about your story: Help me improve overall.
Can I do the same, as she is? I know my first chapter is kinda short and shitty but I can’t figure out how to fix that! I’m almost completed my 3rd chapter. If you are willing to do so, I will just PM you the link
Sure. Just PM the link, but note to yourself that I will post my review here.
Title: Dreams and Nightmares
Description: Scarlet had a rough past and it looks like it’s not getting better after she was bought by some mysterious guy. Will she ever turn her life from a nightmare to a dream?
Small cover: (same as large one)
What is the main concern about your story? I’m always worrying that people don’t get my character development and that some questions get answered later on. So a review like yours, where you write what you think, will really be helpful! (I know there are some grammar problems, I’m working on them )
@gisellec - Blades of Desire
- First of all - that cover is great. I’m a sucker for professional covers, so if I saw your story with this cover - I would definitely give it a read. How do you get it? I’m really interested.
- Now this is really not a must-have but I think it would be better to make these warnings about the maturity of the content and other to be formed as splashes or text overlays. I just love intros, like in the movies. It might seem like over-the-top thing, but it’s just my thing. I like the story to be perfect in all the ways possible, and this kind of detail will certainly get attention.
- Liked the fact that you’ve warned readers about that naked-thing that’s happening lately.
- It’s great that you included customization, but… Avatar creation option is limited. It doesn’t have new hairstyles, lips etc. I’d advice you to get a customization template (there are a lot of them on Forums).
- As I’m at the customization part now, I can tell that you are familiar with overlays, so I’m even more sure about my warning section comment above.
- Midnight food drives… I feel ya lol
- Loved how you made texting all engaging.
- I’m not sure about some backgrounds, again, because of my tendency of perfection. The one after the car scene is kinda low-quality. So it is blurry. Maybe find something else.
- Emily’s mouth is kinda… Unrealistic? Why so pale?
- Regarding your introduction things. Nice work on the overlays looking like filters (doing em myself lol). I’ve seen a similar approach in the “Austiontatious” story, donnow if your idea is coming from there, not really important.
- I’m not sure about “meanwhile” background. It catches attention, but not sure how it’s relatable to the scene. Maybe black would be better.
- Tucci lol. Nice hold on that whole trademark shit lol
- “What did I do to deserve it?” - well, that’s what you get after wedding gold-digging whore lol.
- If at first I liked your music addition, I’m not so sure as I’m in the mall scene. I understand that you want to add to the atmosphere, but music should complement the scene, not just be there. Constant music all the time is kinda distracting.
- I would suggest reviewing your story again, to check spot commands, walkings, and zooms. Sometimes I feel like they aren’t really in the tune with dialogue.
- Clothing choice. Again, it’s just personal preference. You have 4 choices, and I’m one of those people who like to try em all. But when I’m at the 4th option, and I sorta decide what I want to wear, I can’t remember where was the one I liked. So I suggest naming these options the way they would be recognizable like “Denim shorts” or whatever, not just “One”.
- You should update your hair choices, since the story is not published and there are some new hair options.
- Yes. I will state this once more. As one of those, who read stories with sound on, I feel like you overused music in your story. It’s getting annoying at this point (date scene).
- Wow. The scene with the car crash. I really haven’t seen such an innovative approach. The scene from the above looked awesome. I would only suggest getting other car overlays, more in tune with the Episode style. If you’ll decide to do it, you can write to me, I will try to help.
- Cafe scene. I know, you’re trying to get the guy look bigger comparing to the MC, but he’s way TOO BIG. Unrealistic. And background characters need a check too.
- Avoid using non-talking animations with the dialogue lines. Again, cafe scene, MC is saying her line with the wink animation.
- Um. Her step-mother saying that her father is dead and she should leave. Like very brutal. I’m not sure about it. Like I feel like there’s gotta be more to her speech.
- Yep. Not a fan of “sometime later” splashes with flowers and stuff. First of all the quality of the picture is not good enough (resolution). Over the top for my taste.
- MC isn’t really mourning her dad… Going to the club next week after he died.
Now my overall thoughts. I think MC has a nice background to get her where you want her to be. Evil step-mother, dad dying. Dialogues aren’t off. Directing is good, although there are some things that should be fixed. I think you should add some depth to your characters, and MC as well. I think you have this overall thought about them, but not clear enough. I always suggest writers make a questionnaire for every important character (I do them myself). These can be found on the writer’s guide websites and while writing them, you don’t only create backstory for them and personality, but you imagine them clearly in your head, almost like a real person, so after it will be easier to write their lines, because you will know how they should react to certain conversations and events. I also think you could work on your dialogues, as they could be more interesting. Funny maybe? I’m not sure how to advise you to do it. When writing dialogues for my story, I read them dozens of times. I analyze every word, I think - are they gonna be interesting for the reader, what emotions should they feel while reading this. Dialogue shouldn’t be just for the sake of dialogue itself. It must show character personality, attitude towards others. Think about it. I think your story really has a potential, with some additional work.
Thank you so much!! I got my cover from @nopaks_artist!
Title: College Days: Confessions of a Female Jock
“It’s the first year of college and you’re already leading a double life! Academic beauty by day, MVP of the football team by night!”
Main concern? Hey, I am a new writer and I know I have plenty of room for improvement! My main concern is most folk are far too nice when giving feedback. Would love some brutally honest feedback so that I can improve!
Good to know And I already like the description and plot idea, so we’ll see.
I’d love a review
Genre: Fantasy, Action
Chapters: 3 (ongoing)
Description: You are a gamer with no life. Harsh, but true. With a tournament coming up in your favorite VR game to play, CYBER, who knows what will happen?
Title: Teacher or Queen?
Description: After years of searching she had finally found them. Can she get close to them?
Her destiny is about to change forever. What will she choose - who will she become?
I would like to know your opinion mostly on the plot itself and the characters and their development. I can always improve directing and language, but not the vibe of the story.
I am on my phone and I don’t have a proper image of the cover, sorry for the worse quality.
Hey. Yeah, I already reviewed your story in Five Inch Storie’s Reviews.
Oh okay, thanks for letting me know.
Title: Living Among The Dead
What is the main concern about your story?
Description: A war between two corrupted cults, a man with a secret and you caught in the storm of love, survival and friendship. CC [1 - 8 OUT ONLY!] revamping
: Just want your honest opinion on my storyline, directing and characters x
Thank you in advance if you decided to read and review x
Title: Agent 24
Description: You look like an angel, but you’re a devil. A ruthless assassin. What happens when someone just as crazy and maybe a little bit more psycho then you who decides to mess with you?
What is the main concern about your story?
To be honest I just want some truthful feeback that can help me improve my writing.