Cookie's Uncensored Reviews 🔒

There is a submission form in the original post.
But please, request a review only if you intend on taking my review seriously. This won’t add many reads, but will take 2 hours of my time, which I’m short on lately.

Is there a link to the original post? Any review is helpful, I have gotten negative feedback before and it helped a lot.

original post means the post made by me at the very top of this thread.

I have edited my previous submission.

hey just wanna tell i am kinda done with chapter two .so when you do the review you can read that too. if you want

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@episode.lara - Ocean’s 5
1st Episode

  • In regards to the description, I have to say that I love stories where a bunch of strangers comes to work on the common goal.
  • Aaaand author’s introduction :sweat_smile: IMO, I don’t think there is a need for it. Just put in the narration box, that there is no customization. That’s it…
  • Your sound splash is a bit squeezed. A tiny bit of upper part is missing. Probably cause background was sized wrong.
  • I noticed that you put the blank space as the character name before we get to know his name. This is the most detail-attentive thing I ever saw :smiley:
  • Very nice exposition of Sawyer guy and the other one. Directing, spot commands, overlays. At this point, I wait a lot from this story.
  • This is a good character’s introduction, really. What I can suggest for making it superb is to create exposition scenes for Sawyer narration, like it’s done in Suicide Squad movie for example (just in case you haven’t seen it, I will post a video below). This will make the whole scene look even better. :slight_smile:
Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtJfcrk2I7Y

  • On-camera animations spotted in first Asher scene.
  • When Cora is walking towards the door with rear-walking, she’s facing the wrong direction.
  • Now that was fun :smiley: Asher and Cora thing.
  • Nicely done fighting scene
  • Although it was weird how their positions changed when they were put to sleep. They were positioned vertically, and when u put sleep animation they suddenly change their positions to horizontal. What I suggest is to change zoom. Like when they fight (the last fight part) you make it look like we’re watching from above. Reset, or almost reset zoom, so that roof is a bit visible. Like we’re watching from the side now.
  • Nice work with zoom
  • When there’s a Jacob scene, with the house and explosion. When u start with the house background, there is some glitch with it. I see the background for like half a second before the transition begins. It can happen if you put characters beforehand, and especially if u put animations/layer for them. Put these commands after the transition command.
  • Dynamic dialogues, spiced with humor, and not dragging for too long. Well done.
  • That thing with darts is really well done. Although I would make overlays shifting faster, like 0.3 seconds or smthg.
  • Now when Cora wakes up, this is the right moment to use on-camera animations :smiley:
  • I have a thing with overlays. I hate when they have that white pixel-lining around them. It just bugs me a lot, can’t help it :smiley:
  • While I enjoy a lot Cora and her reading skills, I would really like to see her justifying it more. Like explaining, why she assumed information about other characters, in Sherlock-Holmes style. It is more complicated but would make her a lot more interesting to watch.
  • OK, I assumed it too fast. You actually do it with the rest of the characters. Except for white-haired dude. I just want to know how she understood it about him :smiley: But good job.

Overall on 1st episode.
Really well done.
I didn’t like it just because I enjoy this plot type, but because everything is more than decent. Dialogues are dynamic, funny and entertaining. You didn’t give away too much information on characters. Exposition is well done, work with overlays, zoom…Basically everything. Although I’m not a native speaker, my language knowledge is decent enough (jeez I hope so, but feel free to tell me if I’m just in delusion @CrazyCaliope :D) so I notice some basic mistakes. I don’t know if you are a native speaker, or if there were any grammar mistakes, but I didn’t see anything.
And what could improve your already awesome story are a few things, well from my point of view. Few things with directing that I mentioned, adding exposition to characters introduction by Sawyer, and getting rid of the white lining on overlays (I can help with this if you are interested).


2nd Episode

  • Now that I’m on the 2nd episode. Why Ocean’s 5? Did I miss something?
  • Well, that is one good necklace’s description. I love this non-excessive explanatory approach, makes the story seem more realistic.
  • Wait. So each of them receives 50 million, that makes it only 50 left for Maxwell. Suspiciously not greedy.
  • Cora is not so intimidating in a onesie :smiley:
  • I just noticed that you don’t have any choices in the first episode. It doesn’t really bother me, because the story is interesting enough. Kinda like I’m watching a movie.
  • When Cora shows up all dressed up, there is a mistake in boys layers. Asher layer is in front of the white-haired guy (I think), so when w/h dude moves his hands, they are behind Asher. Check it.
  • Same in the club. When Asher and Cora stand and chat, the dancing dude behind them is layered in front.
  • Please, don’t tell me that that creep drugged Cora X_X
  • How is she a deadly assassin, and don’t know when to stop drinking :smiley:
  • I thought that someone of these 4 guys will save Cora, not a new character. Interesting
  • Why is it with everyone calling her love? :smiley:

I finished the 2nd episode, and I’ll stop right here.

I loved it. Well done story and I will put it in my favorites.
There were a couple of problems with character layering, but you can fix it. I didn’t really like how everyone drools over Cora, but I can live with that. Hope you will continue :slight_smile:

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HAHAHA! If I didn’t already know better, I would never have guessed that you weren’t a native English speaker. Your English is pretty-darn-perfect and much better than many native English speakers I know! :wink:

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owwww… That was… :DDD

Thanks.

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Gotta say, lowkey been stalking this thread. I like reading it, its fun :stuck_out_tongue:

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Hehe thanks :smiley: Feel free to request review, if u have a story. Review trade :smiley:

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No, Jared Padalecki will always be Dean to me! (Gilmore Girls reference)

Oh, and you’re welcome! :wink:

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Never saw. I’m Supernatural-fan for life ^^

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Jesus Christ girl thank you! You wrote so much i literally cant :kissing_heart::joy:

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Welp, hope it was useful.
Why Ocean’s 5 tho?

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Instantly stops talking to you and going to cry loudly in the corner. :sob::sob::sob:

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Lol honestly idk. It’s five of them and it sounded good. There are also movies from which I got inspired for heist theme

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It would make sense if Maxwell’s surname was Ocean :smiley: Suggestion

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Thanks for suggestion. it sounds good. i’ll consider it

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