Cookie's Uncensored Reviews 🔒

[fcukforcookies]

@line123462

yeah, I have been trying to get does overlays to stop popping. I haven’t figured it out yet. its actually don’t do it in the overview on my pc. only on my phone not that it matters cause it’s on the phone it shall work on

I strongly suggest you to go through your script on laptop. I am 100% sure than you can’t make a flawless advanced directing with your phone.
But with the overlay thing, you can drop me code with the beginning of that scene, I will take a look, why overlays pop out.

@line123462

yes, don is supposed to be like that. I am not gonna make him a bad boy. cause 1 I suck at that 2 I wanna do something different. it is always the bad guy story in the mafia. I am going for the sweet guy you would introduce to your parents. well that is until well spoilers. people who end bad relationship are usually the one who started out really good.

I won’t argue. Just say my thoughts on this approach, because you might find it useful, and you haven’t published your story yet. First contradiction is a nice guy in the gang. For me, it is kinda naive. But ok, let’s drop this point. He may be not a bad guy. He was just too soft, this contradicts whole mafia thing even more.

@line123462

maybe candy does miss logic in her decision to help. I tried to make it look like she does so she can get rip of her . but I guess did not do that well.

Maybe you could just make her resist a bit more, add some additional lines to her thoughts about this whole thing. Like, make her try harder to convince MC not to go.

@line123462

I have tried to have a proofreader before. multiple actually and it was not a good experience.

I can suggest CrazyCaliope. She helped me with my story.

@line123462

I am very glad that you liked my story I will let you know when it is published( i kinda hope it will be this month ).

And I would read it if you remove grammar mistakes. It’s just a turn off for me, for any interesting story.
Good luck.