Hey @fcukforcookies I have a story that I did a long time ago thatā¦ Is honestly badā¦ I know (to most aspects) what is wrong with it, but I am making a new story out of it and was wondering if you could review it. I mainly want to know whatās wrong with it, what I did right, and what I can do more of in my next story.
Iām just asking because youāre such a good reviewer and I donāt want to waste your time with a story that I consider ābadā if you donāt want to review a story like thatā¦
Hehe Sure. Iām here to help everyone that needs help with whatever story they have. And you can always turn bad story into a good one)
U have a title? I will add u to the list.
Description: Cinderella- watch her grow from a servant to a palace Queen! But being Queen isnāt as easy as the original storyā¦
Author on the app: Ic
It has 312 reads currently. Iām honestly so shocked that that amount of people took the time to read my story, even if each one of them read the first episode.
Ok, so, I did this story a long time ago and did it just for me. I wanted to bring this story to life. It is exactly what the title says, itās a really twisted version of Cinderella. At first, itās the same kind of story, then it changes. I did this when I wasnāt a really developed writer as I am now, so most of the lines, in the beginning, are a bit cornyā¦
I really want you to tell me all the bad things about it, and the good things if you can. I understand that a Cinderella story isnāt as original as another story, and most likely wouldnāt become featured or anything, but, as much as I do care about people reading this, I just love this story and have the same intentions as before. I want to bring it to life and to let it live in the episode world.
I completely understand, take your time, I have a review thread and I can understand the stress! . Get to me when you can, but Iām not gonna be expecting it soon!
Hehe, two things I hate the most, author introductions and spotlight :DDD kiddinā. Or not. no, Iām not kidding I just donāt like themā¦ There is no necessary information in this introduction. Disclaimers are fine as splashes or readerMessages. I can whine forever about it
Oh. I thought you only made the introduction as the spotlight, not the whole story. I have a problem here. Letās put aside the fact that most readers donāt like the spotlight, I donnow why, they just do. And I donāt mean just Forum community, I noticed it a lot in the Instagram comments. But as this is clearly a sci-fi drama (donnow why u put it in drama section tho). So you just canāt possibly show all effects and events that are happening, at least not as you did, without additional narration in this scene. I write it after the first scene (with the high building) is. I didnāt get what the hell happened there with that woman. Some woman, then Isaacā¦ What happened? If it wasnāt for review I would stop reading, just cause I donāt get it right from the start.
āIt charges at you but you with your stick but you wackā¦ā extra but, no?
Well, the first chapter was rather short. I donāt even mean in lines but in content. Basically what happened is some scene in the very beginning, that I didnāt even understand, quite a long scene in the car and that thing, that wasnāt really interesting for me, then him traveling to some planet, and cave scene. Cliffhanger is good and cliffhangy. And your descriptive side is very good.
I also donāt see how story title connects with the plot, at least yet.
2nd Episode
In the beginning, you say itās the 3rd chapter. Supposed to be 2nd.
Matt. Episode default character? Why not customize yours? Same with Touma (esp. as he is Tenshiās brother and they are supposed to be alike). These are things writers mostly notice.
The 2nd chapter is also kinda short.
3rd Episode
And 3rd chapter says that itās 4th O_o Whyās that?
The group of 4 in the jungle consists of default characters too. itās really not that much of a job to customize them.
I only now start getting who that woman is at the beginning of the 1st episode. Like his ex-gf or smthg? If it was a flashback or memory, it would be wise to distinguish it with the reality somehow. Using a filter or at least readerMessage,
The 3rd. chapter seems to be a lot longer than other 2. I just always appreciate consistency, even in story length. Chapter is dynamic enough, there is a lot of action.
Overall.
To be honest. Yeah, your writing skills are good. Cause itās hard to describe it all quite accurate, and I think you did it very well. Well, as much as I can judge.
But Spotlightā¦ I donāt mind spotlight stories on other apps but thatās because there is no other option, but on Episode where it can be a proper story with full character actions and much more, I donāt get why people make it Spotlight. I donāt mind reading romance story in Spotlight. Honestly. Because u know, there are mostly conversations and stuff. but here we have a sci-fi story in the Spotlight. So much to show and we have to read. And I donāt say that without a picture thereās no point in a sci-fi or fantasy story. Itās justā¦ Itās like driving from North Carolina all the way to Nevada for a Coke can when I can get it in the store 2 minutes away from my home. Like, whatās the point, u know?
What else. Dialogues are good, somewhere witty. I just feel a bit of lack of Isaacās tournament cause he was taken from Earth. He seems to not be disturbed about it too muchā¦
You see, I donāt really have anything else to comment about. But there is some action like fighting Taken and stuff, and I kinda miss seeing it, instead of reading.
Characters seem to be well written, with their own different background and personalities, plus you have some details that you put into storyās āuniverseā.
Plot is interesting enough too.
I would suggest redoing the story in normal INK or Limelight, otherwise I donāt see anything else much to fix.
Thanks for your review! The woman in the beginning was a sort of vision Isaac was getting. He gets them quite infrequently in the story and is explained why towards the later part of the season. Though youāre not the first reviewer to comment on the confusion on that part so Iāll have to touch that up. Iām actually in the process of polishing the story based on the feedback I got. Getting rid of that author intro was the first thing I did
But thanks for looking at my story and giving me feedback
Yeah, glad I was a help. But seriously your writing is very good in my humble opinion. I think you could do great things on Wattpad, without that extra work that Episode requires with directing.
Thanks! I appreciate that. The overall story is good. But I still need to get my feet wet in Episodeās script coding. It was actually the reason I chose Spotlight first just so I could have something to āpracticeā with before I move on to Season 2, which is right now full on LL. Obviously Season 2 is gonna require someā¦work as well
Title: Job Drama
Author: K.episode
Description: When life takes its swing at you,youāre left jobless and hit a whole new low and depending on nothing and nobody.So when you finally get a job,will you let lies and love get to you
Small cover:
Maria in her phone convo, while Claire is speaking she is on looped talking animation. U might wanna check it,
And MC is standing with the weird face when Maria is talking on the phone. Put her on shiftweight animation or smthg.
I feel like you havenāt got a full hold on the available animations and how u can use them. That animation with the gift box was kinda weird.
I donnow how I feel about the exaggerated use of animations. Like their animations are way tooā¦bold? It works sometimes in some stories, but not sure about this one.
Default Episode character (sales lady) spotted. Even clothes are the same. It makes me sad.
Dawn is walking with the box while not movingā¦ There is an idle animation for the box.
Check weird faces. I see them a lot. Sometimes they are stuck with them, like after the callout or greet animations. You can always put idle_shiftweight animation after their lines.
Why are u not using walking rear animation? (Kitchen scene)
You should work on spot commands and perspective. I see that you place your characters at spots, and sometimes make them walk not to the spot, but to the screen right/left. It doesnāt always work, and a lot of times messes with the perspective. Always check how character movements correlate with the background. Especially visible at the party scene.
Maybe try changing other characters clothes from time to time?
2nd Episode
Wait, so she has a private jet, but canāt spend 500$ on a dress?
Check Landie and lilā girlās layers. Cause now MCās aunt is positioned behind but should be in front. Not while they are talking, but when they are leaving.
Itās not just about your story, but what is it with everyone making characters cough when they think that some girl is cute?
Overall.
I just donāt know. It really has the potential for a sit-com kind of story. But I think thereās gotta be more work done. With dialogues, with directing. Iām thinking about MC as wellā¦ Like sheās not likable. I get it, she is a spoiled brat, but thereās gotta be something likable about her, and at the end of the 2nd episode I still donāt see anything good about her.
The plot idea is good, not original as a movie concept, but as an Episode story - it kinda is. Iād advise you to re-think MC from the scratch. Now sheās just highly obnoxious and annoying. Characters questionnaire helps with this a lot. She may be a brat, but she might be funny brat you know, with some cool traits, maybe the way she speaks. And definitely work on directing. You sorta make an attempt to do advanced directing, but it requires a lot of polishing.
Lol, youāre the first writer I see to warn readers about tablet thing)
I miss a bit of smoothness in the beginning. You make the sound splash and then characters simply appear. Kinda want to see some kind of short intro, maybe transition)
Heeeey. Where are my favorite hairy male faces? X_X #mad
Please donāt tell me white-haired dude is gonna put some drugs in her drinkā¦ He did. I just wonder if it really happens that often.
Check the scene in the club where guys are fighting. Background characters are spotted a bit wrong I would say. The ones on the right should be a bit smaller and positioned lower.
Johnnyā¦ I had so much hope
That was kinda short for my taste.
2nd Episode
I know visual things are not that important, I mean splashes and stuff. But sound splash is kinda off. Squeezed and cut on sides. If youāll decide to redo them, feel free to ask me.
I have that thing. I notice when writers put the same animation for a few consecutive dialogue lines. Others might too, never asked, but maybe try to spice Johnnyās friend animations with something other than shrug animation.
Yeah, by the way. Babyās friends are jerks.
Is it a story for that Dirty Dancing contest?
I canāt help but notice that Babyās dad looks almost similar to Episode default character. His clothes are just the same. Maybe change him a bit? Cause now heās kinda bland.
I think that her conversation with dad was pretty good. Seemed realistic to me, which I highly appreciate.
Well, sheās not a saint, but her dad is being a jerk.
3rd Episode
When Johnny speaks with Jade, they are spotted kinda wrong. I donāt mind if a girl is taller, but she just looks bigger. Like Johnny is 15yo or Peter Dinklage.
The scene where Johnny rides his car. First of all, when car shifts, Johnny stays in place, you should put him moving simultaneously with the car. And second, I wouldnāt shift the car completely, because this Episode default overlay is cut. Like the carās behind is absent. Either donāt shift it that far or find another car overlay.
The scene in the cafe. Considering that Johnny will come to them, I would seat girls in two zones. Because you put them in one, it looks weird when Johnny is standing, because table overlay is in front of him, and also because when he sits, part of Baby is cut off. Put Baby and one girl in the 1st zone, second girl in the 2nd zone, and Johnny could stand the way overlay doesnāt stand in front of him. Then Johnny could be positioned correctly besides Baby. Cause this way you have to make all the characters kinda small to this background.
I love how Sal canāt remember Johnnyās name
Okay. So I actually didnāt expect it, but I loved your story. Although there are several problems with directing, especially characters positions and stuff, I genuinely enjoyed the plot, and most of all fine, well-paced dialogues. Thereās enough drama, characters are likable and have their own separate lives, that doesnāt revolve around partying or shopping, that is very common to see for me. I put this story into my favorites and plan on reading it.
If you decide to make changes to sound splash and car overlay, and maybe make a small intro to your story, I will be glad to help, as Iām good with the visual stuff.
Title Kingdom Keepers Author oakleafapprentice Description Quinn, the newly crowned Queen of AaāGonn, must fight against would-be suitors, destructive adversaries, venomous assassins, and budding romance. Do you have what it takes to rule? Small Cover Main Concern Anything in general that you see wrong with the story, or needs improvement. Iām new to the interactive story concept, so making it interesting is a big concern. But the story needs all the help it can get, so have fun and PLEASE rip it apart for me!
Title: Sentimental Heartache
Author: Jessy
Description: After Arianna ācoincidentallyā meets Lucas, they start talking to each other more frequently. Soon enough, they realize that the more they talk, the more they fall.
Small cover: (Not uploaded on episode yet)
What is the main concern about your story?: Chapter length and also anything that needs improvement because Iām sure thereās things I can improve on.
If you get a chance sometime, Iād like to see what you think of the revamp. I tried limelight but even though there were more skin color options, the other customization choices felt more limited, so I went back to ink. I dropped the first 3 chapters altogether and started the revamp about 10 chapters in when Tara can speak well enough to be understood and my directing was more evolved. She will flash back to memories of the twins and Molly teaching her to speak. I also decided that instead of mixing present day and 20+ years ago in each episode, Iām alternating between time periods in separate episodes. Spotlight still remains in a limited capacity between characters as the dream-scape, but never to the reader. In the original version in episode 5 it was revealed that terrans communicate over great distances using the dream-scape (a void plane of existence where linked souls and minds could communicate together) which is how Tara was communicating with the reader.