@misfits-n-tantrums - Dancing for my Life
1st Episode
- Lol, you’re the first writer I see to warn readers about tablet thing)
- I miss a bit of smoothness in the beginning. You make the sound splash and then characters simply appear. Kinda want to see some kind of short intro, maybe transition)
- Heeeey. Where are my favorite hairy male faces? X_X #mad
- Please don’t tell me white-haired dude is gonna put some drugs in her drink… He did. I just wonder if it really happens that often.
- Check the scene in the club where guys are fighting. Background characters are spotted a bit wrong I would say. The ones on the right should be a bit smaller and positioned lower.
- Johnny… I had so much hope
- That was kinda short for my taste.
2nd Episode
- I know visual things are not that important, I mean splashes and stuff. But sound splash is kinda off. Squeezed and cut on sides. If you’ll decide to redo them, feel free to ask me.
- I have that thing. I notice when writers put the same animation for a few consecutive dialogue lines. Others might too, never asked, but maybe try to spice Johnny’s friend animations with something other than shrug animation.
- Yeah, by the way. Baby’s friends are jerks.
- Is it a story for that Dirty Dancing contest?
- I can’t help but notice that Baby’s dad looks almost similar to Episode default character. His clothes are just the same. Maybe change him a bit? Cause now he’s kinda bland.
- I think that her conversation with dad was pretty good. Seemed realistic to me, which I highly appreciate.
- Well, she’s not a saint, but her dad is being a jerk.
3rd Episode
- When Johnny speaks with Jade, they are spotted kinda wrong. I don’t mind if a girl is taller, but she just looks bigger. Like Johnny is 15yo or Peter Dinklage.
- The scene where Johnny rides his car. First of all, when car shifts, Johnny stays in place, you should put him moving simultaneously with the car. And second, I wouldn’t shift the car completely, because this Episode default overlay is cut. Like the car’s behind is absent. Either don’t shift it that far or find another car overlay.
- The scene in the cafe. Considering that Johnny will come to them, I would seat girls in two zones. Because you put them in one, it looks weird when Johnny is standing, because table overlay is in front of him, and also because when he sits, part of Baby is cut off. Put Baby and one girl in the 1st zone, second girl in the 2nd zone, and Johnny could stand the way overlay doesn’t stand in front of him. Then Johnny could be positioned correctly besides Baby. Cause this way you have to make all the characters kinda small to this background.
- I love how Sal can’t remember Johnny’s name
Okay. So I actually didn’t expect it, but I loved your story. Although there are several problems with directing, especially characters positions and stuff, I genuinely enjoyed the plot, and most of all fine, well-paced dialogues. There’s enough drama, characters are likable and have their own separate lives, that doesn’t revolve around partying or shopping, that is very common to see for me. I put this story into my favorites and plan on reading it.
If you decide to make changes to sound splash and car overlay, and maybe make a small intro to your story, I will be glad to help, as I’m good with the visual stuff.