Yeah, Iâm gonna decline your request. You donât bother to read requirements for requesting on this thread - I wonât bother to do it since Iâm pretty sure you just need reads. 
Have a nice day.
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Hey Iâm sorry I thought I put it in what I wanted from a review here. For other peopleâs post I put really big main concerns but I mustâve missed it in this post.
I did write was I was looking for in other peopleâs posts and I thought I wrote it here.
I really just wanted to know if my story fit the comedy or romantic genre and to know if I should change my title depending on how a reader would take the story. I also wanted to know what readers felt about the chemistry between the characters too.
Iâm sorry for the confusion though. I get that itâs hard to do reviews because I see a lot of people doing them. And I know itâs time consuming. And it mustâve looked like to you I was doing that. But Iâve been only doing that on R4Rs. For actual reviews I say what I want.
Sorry this is long I just hate making people feel like used when they put time and effort into their things.
I wonât bother you about my story. But good luck with the other reviews because I know a lot of people appreciate them.
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If you wanna delete my story post that would be okay too. I feel really bad about the confusion and donât wanna take anything away from the other writers.
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Itâs okay. I will add u to the list.
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Thank you so much I really appreciate it!
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@Unicornlover346 - Back to Back
1st Episode
- I always appreciate when splashes are in one style.
- Nonono. Why do people use the avatar creator for CC??? It doesnât have any new features, that appeared like half a year ago. There are so many customization templates, you donât even have to create them yourself. Yeah, it saves script lines, but it doesnât make sense since you arenât limited in terms of lines. Thereâs not a legit excuse for using avatar creator at this point.
- The first scene, character pops-out. Not sure why.
- The scene with mom in the kitchen. Mom speaks line about surprise with non-speaking animation, then there isnât any animation for the next dialogue line.
- Momâs line right before âI need to go nowâ. She is stuck on looped animation, and her mouth is moving while MC is talking.
- Uni scene, where u zoom around. At some point you zoom outside the background, so we can see the black screen.
- MC at this scene is looking at the camera⊠Why?
- OK. Seriously go through the entire script and put animation before every dialogue line. This is one of the things that doesnât require you to be a pro in coding. Itâs just about the effort.
- More times where you use on camera animations. Unless you build your story around 4th wall breaking thing.
- I would take a look on the speechbubbles positions, as now they are quite randomly positioned.
- A lot of non-talking animations for dialogue linesâŠ
- Donât forget to put the time in your walk to spot commands, like in the scene where MC mom walks into her bedroom.
- Um. It was an interesting thing with the flashback. But I think more information on the whole family situation would help, since I donât understand, are her mother and dad divorced or what is happening to them.
- Okay. U explained. But does her mom knows about this whole thing?
2nd Episode
- You used speechbubble command at some point, and then in the second scene, you stopped, so tails are facing the wrong direction most of the time, and are positioned too low.
- That convo with Kai is weird⊠Like really weird.
- OK. That was an interesting approach. I decided not to get to the mall, just to check if I really have a choice in there, and I have to go wearing regular clothes
- I noticed that your positioning is kinda off, where there are a lot of BG characters. You might wanna check this guide below.
- I noticed that sometimes you use exit commands after placing the character with spot commands. This results in character being too big when they exit the screen.
- I donât get a bit that scene with Alexa. Like MC is standing right beside her. Canât she see the guy/girl who is speaking with Alexa?
- I can see you really made meaningful choices.
- Characters are still popping out.
OK. Lots of directing mistakes. I guess no need to dig into it more, since I mentioned your types of mistakes, just look into them throughout all the script, not just these exact spots I mentioned. If you figured how to do choices that affect next episodes, I donât know what your directing isnât much better TBH.
Now to the plot.
The first episode was half boring half interesting. Whole school thing was a total filler, that first of all, seem to have zero impact on the overall plot, and plus, it doesnât really expose character personality. Also not sure how I feel about the school girl being a spy. Seems unrealistic for me. Especially since her dad is involved.
I understand your plot I guess. But I feel like it is kinda messy. Lots of characters know a lot of information, every other is a spy⊠The whole story seems to be very far-fetched. It may be the result of you wanting to add more action and drama, but it didnât work. I would advise looking over the whole plot, and the characters backstories. This is just too messy as it is, in my opinion.
Hope it helped you.
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Thanks for your feedback, I was just wondering what you mean by messy and how I could fix it xx
Now please note that this is a subjective opinion.
Well. By messy I mean that thereâs a lot of what is happening is not explained. Like how Alexa knows what she knows, that Kai guy, plus her mom, plus that whole spy thing with MC and other details. They are there, and most of them arenât explained. Itâs like you tried to put every mystery in 2 episodes. This is too much and causes confusion.
What I would suggest, since I think you only have 4 episodes. First of all, write down characters backstories and profiles, plus the overall story plot, in case you didnât. To do that I suggest referring to these posts I made -> How to plan a plot where I tried to explain how to plan your story so that you could avoid plot holes and possible writer block and how to create consistent characters. - where you can find characters questionnaire, that will help you to create characters, so that it is easier to write dialogues and plan your whole plot.
I also suggest you slow down the pace of your story. You are throwing way to much information (that is not yet explained) in just 2 episodes. Take your time to show characters, but make it interesting. Maybe you can even start the story with the flashback, since we know about her being a spy from description anyway.
Hi!
Title: Inner Circle
Author: zapcatini
Description: The lives & lies of rich and famous college students arenât as glamorous as they appear. Are you ready for the world of scandals, money, and class, where rules donât exist? CC LGBT
Small Cover:
(I cropped the cover when uploading it to publish which is why itâs so big)
The main concern I have is that my story isnât paced correctly, or that it is too cliche. I hate most Episode written stories because they are so cliche and overuse the same tropes. The story is character based, and MCâs relationship with characters are super important.
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@Lonse - The Assistant
1st Episode
- Nice first scene. Builds tension.
- First scene in school. There was one Narrator dialogue line where you didnât put â.â in the end of the sentence. Actually there were more dialogue lines without punctuation. Check whole script.
- I would suggest to put looped animation for background characters at school. Cause now the kinda do animation and then stand still.
- "Or how the boys are (not is) wearing other pants.
- Also some dialogue lines that donât start with the capital letter.
- Nice work with that paper overlay. Looks cool.
- First episode is incredibly short. Like nothing except for introduction.
- Also you have âto be continuedâ phrase two times at the end.
2nd Episode
- Good job on changing other characters clothes.
- Now. If there are several love interests, at least give readers some kind of information about them. I personally, and I think a lot of other readers try to adjust character look to their personality. Add some short description. Like good guy/bad boy/maybe job⊠Basic traits.
- The second chapter was much better in length. Like I can forgive you the length of the 1st chapter. But Iâm still not sure if I would continue on 2nd under normal circumstances, cause the 1st oneâs too short.
3rd Episode
- Choices matter.
- The scene in the kitchen. Iâm not sure about the table-characters positions. IMO, the table is scaled too small, and also placed too low for the background you are using. I guess you mightâve noticed it urself, but you wanted to place all three characters in the same zone. I would place MC in the first near the table and Nana and Han in the second and scaled them, and table as well, bigger.
- The scene at the interview. Tessa is talking about Sunday being free, Hailey is still on looped talking animation.
4th Episode
- I think Tessaâs line about âratâ is without animation.
- The scene with the building. Girl walking in the background is walking kinda fast, and I think her layer is wrong also, you might wanna check it. Also, Iâm not sure if you got a hold on â&â commands. Your narrator is saying something, then the background character is moving, then another line of narration. You can just put girl walking command as **&**CHARACTER walks to spot xx xx xxx in T.
- Now. Donnow if it was before, but you forget to put speechbubble commands or reset them after using. Noticed it on the Earl-Hailey scene.
- What I said in the previous comment about & commands. Also applied to the scene where Hailey falls. You want to put narration, but while I read sheâs kinda walking without moving. So you can put her falling animation on â&â and the narrator will go on while she falls.
5th Episode
- That Nana scene. #dead
- âMy ass is bleedingâ is a really nice cliffhanger
Overall.
So I didnât notice many directing problems. Your directing is pretty great, except for a couple of easy to fix glitches, and that thing with & commands instead of @.
The main problem is with grammar and punctuation. Find proofreader. Like now. A lot of sentences that donât start with the capital letter, lack of commas and pointsâŠ
I would suggest to add one scene to the 1st episode. Now sure what kind of scene, but it is way short and u may lose some readers cause of that.
I liked MC personality. Sheâs an awkward type, but funny awkward, not just shy-awkward. And I like that she doesnât always care to be awkward. Very likable in my opinion.
Now you mightâve noticed that Iâve reviewed more episodes than I usually do. Although this is partially cliche based story, MC personality totally makes up for it for me. Also, other characters are good enough. I loved Nana and Hannah, Brad (I think it was Brad, the first LI) is cute, and the second LI (Iâm awful at names) is an arrogant dick, but not too much.
Yep. This is my new guilty pleasure story. Canât honestly put my finger on why I liked it so much. 
Now not to offend anyone, but I think your story deserves a better cover. If youâll want a drawn cover, feel free to contact me. I do mostly commission art, but sometimes I do some stuff without commission if it is interesting for me, like in this case.
2 Likes
I love your criticism! Thank you so much. 
I know the first chapter is short, but I donât know how to make it longer - still thinking about that. 
I will definitely go back and re-read it and change the things you mentioned- thanks again.
In the 6th episode youâll get the change to CC again, but do you still suggest I write a little about them the first time?
Now for a stupid question- how do I find a proofreader? 
I would love for a better cover. You are too kind! Should I DM you? 
Iâm glad you liked it, but Iâm honestly more glad about your honest opinion! Then I really know how to improve. 
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Um. You could show some scene involving the band? Maybe girls watching them perform on TV, or that guy giving an interview? Random idea.
I would still. Because you kinda get used to the look, and I usually donât change it for LI 
There u go
Yep 
Glad to hear that it was helpful Good luck with ur story.
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You are so resourceful! Thanks!
I will send you a message. 
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Can you review my story? I just got approved for the Epys and I want to make sure my story is the best it can be! 
Story : Mischief Night
Chapters: 7 Ongoing
Genre: Fantasy/Horror/Comedy
Plot:
This Story follows Brooklyn, a girl who hates Halloween but soon finds herself in a world with Real Monsters!
http://www.episodeinteractive.com/s/6713243931115520
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Sure. Whats Epys btw? Do u have some sort of deadline?
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Yes! Itâs the Epys Awards I have until July 20th to finish up my story! Itâs actually my first time entering so I donât know much about it but itâs a contest for Episode Authors to compete in
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Ok. So I guess thereâs no a big deadline
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No just whenever you have the time! I would really appreciate your feedback 
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Hello again.
I actually didnât know I could use the & in the middle of a scene - only thought I was possible in the beginning. But when I try this with the narrator, the characters are acting really weird. Like they are frozen or something like that and I donât really understand it.
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@Cortney - Chasing After Danger
1st Episode
- Not sure how I feel about ur âFirst 3 episodes are shortâ. If u think itâs a bad thing like they are too short, then why not make them longer?
- Update your customization template. Itâs kinda outdated. No new face shapes, lips, noses, hairâŠ
- Outfit names like âOutfit 1â ->
- After Grace walks out of her room, goes transition, and then her bedroom appears once more. Donnow exactly why, but check the script.
- First convo between Grace and her mom. You didnât put animation before every dialogue line. Itâs a must unless u use looped animations. Later I saw more spots where you did the same.
- You have a lot of narration. I donât mind unless the characters on the screen are doing something, not just standing still, like in this case. U can put some looped animations for example.
- You need a proofreader as well. Grammar mistakes, lack of punctuationâŠ
- MCâs friend, at the end of the shopping scene, is making on camera animation.
- The story actually looks like itâs supposed to be Wattpad thing. Narration all the way, all the details. Iâm one of those, who think that this approach doesnât really work for Episode stories. Narration stops all the action on screen, and it makes all directing slow, and not so smooth.
- I wouldnât say that the first episode was short. Length is quite decent.
2nd Episode
- I donât get why you put that demon piece at the beginning of the 2nd chapter as wellâŠ
- Ummm⊠MC goes to change, then I see her laying in the floor near the bed, then sitting on the bed⊠Huh?
- While Grace talks, her friend is on looped talking animation. You have to turn them off before letting other characters speak.
- I see that you donât know about the possibility to use & commands instead of @. Check the information below, that briefly explains it.
Character spots
When you simply put spot commands like @CHARACTER spot xx xx xxx you put @.
Animations:
If you want the character to perform animation before anything else happens you put it like @CHARACTER is animation
If you want the character to start performing animation, while something else coded in the next line continues you either do it like @CHARACTER starts animation or &CHARACTER is animation
Walking to spot
If you want your character to walk before anything else happens you do the regular @CHARACTER walks to spot xx xx xx in T
If you want the character to keep walking/moving, while something else coded in the next line continues you do it like &CHARACTER walks to spot xx xx xx in T
- In the 2nd episode speechbubble is still positioned the same as in the 1st chapter, so most of the time is kinda wrong.
- When teacher scolds girls for talking in class after you move back to them, Jenna appears only after MC does her animation. This probably happens because you did this:
@GRACE stands screen right and GRACE is animation
@JENNA stands screen left and JENNA is animation
While it should better be:
@GRACE stands screen right and GRACE is animation and JENNA stands screen left and JENNA is animation
You can out as many characters doing animation simultaneously as you want.
- When Taylor walks towards girls in the school hallway, you probably didnât put the time in his walking to spot command.
- I finished the 2nd episode. You should really remove that thing at the beginning about episodes being short. First of all, because it turns off readers, and secondly because episodes arenât short at all.
Overall.
So directing is not bad for the first story. But still, it could be way better. I commented on your mistakes, and Forums contains a lot of threads that will help you solve all of them. I also suggest you take a look into my Help Thread. There you will find information on do and donât things about directing, as well as a lot of information on story plot building, free backgrounds/overlays and useful links. But the least you can do is check 1st and 2nd parts of Tips and Tricks there, as both of them are about directing.
I donât really like that kind of approach when you tell all the information on characters, instead of showing it. This is the easiest way, but certainly not the best.
I think you can rework your story, since you have only 3 episodes, and not so many reads.
It is positioned as a fantasy, and I was actually excited about the description because it seems to be interesting. But everything that is mostly going on is school, and the whole demon thing only briefly appears. Rethink your narrations, and overall take some time to build a plot on paper before writing. I would also work on dialogues. First two episodes are mostly school, so conversation topics arenât most exciting. Iâm also not sure about Grace personality. Seems kinda undeveloped, meaning that I find some of her decisions and words kinda contradicting.
One more thing is the title. It kinda gives Action story vibe. Maybe itâs worth to think about a more fantasy-ish type of title?
And when or if you will rework directing, find spelling proofreader.
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