@RainbowCat - Dreams and Nightmares
- I find the introduction to the character a bit weird, She changed 7 foster houses. Like why do these families take her into a family, when they don’t care about her? What’s the motivation? And 7 in a row? I guess you do it for the sake of character developing… But for me, it lacks logic, at least for foster families. To get a foster kid into your family is like a hell of a work. Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it.
- Is he raping her? He told her to get out of the clothes. Um… I’m really not into it. I mean, yeah, rapes do happen. But putting systematic rape in a story, that is read mostly by teenagers. It is really heavy.
- Really. These conversations. They actually make me nauseous. This is really too much.
- Omg…I really can’t. This is really heavy for me to read at this point. I will finish the episode, but in normal circumstances, I wouldn’t. Physical disgust. I’m sorry if I upset you now, but… I have watched one movie with a similar subject. The girl was physically abused by a whole family, including rape. It was really hard to watch, and I cried like a damn baby. The movie lasted for around 90 minutes, and sometimes it is healthy to get something like this inside your head. I think it kinda adds to your empathy. But I wouldn’t watch the whole series with this subject.
- Check dialogues, cause there are some places where you left sentences without punctuation.
- There were some spots where you didn’t put animation for every dialogue line.
- Please don’t tell me that Jason is her love interest.
- He is I guess…
- Avoid using non-talking animations of dialogue lines. Like “admire” animation for example.
- “Why do you look so shocked? It’s your life” That is just the perfect summary of her life really…
Okay… I have a lot of problems with this plot. The first episode is supposed to make me want to read more. I don’t. Not only because of the heavy subject and very insensitive delivery but because there is not a glimpse of hope for her. Really. I like to say that when we read stories - we want to either see MC similar to us, or someone we would like to be like. I certainly wouldn’t want to be like that girl. And I think that if rape survivors would read it - it would upset them. It’s not that her decisions make her life miserable, which would make sense. But she’s miserable just for the sake of the plot. 7 foster families that abused her? I just don’t buy it. And the second thing. Jason is obv the love interest. I say a big fat NO to the Stockholm syndrome in Episode stories. Meaning, that Jason guy is probably in the gang. He is bad. He knows about people trafficking, and he obv doesn’t care. I predict he will change in the course of the story, but this is very unrealistic. He is the bad guy. One little girl would never change it. I’m sorry if this upset you, I just wanted to be honest. And I really can’t advise you hat to do with it. I noticed that you have 1.8k reads, so obv some people dig it. I just think it wouldn’t be mass read because most people want to see strong characters, and maybe your MC is deep down, but her life is so miserable all over… I’m sorry, I can’t either continue to read it, due to reasons stated above. If I was wrong somewhere, please correct me, specially about that Jason guy. But I see him on the cover, and also judging from his thoughts, I’m pretty sure you want him to be a love interest, which is the main thing that turns me off.