Cookie's Uncensored Reviews 🔒

My bad! Man I’d be rubbish if I made my own story.

1 Like

You never know unless u try :wink:

Lol we shall see. I would have to think of some good story line and characters.

1 Like

U can check my Help thread ^^ (I have no shame)

1 Like

Hehe okie dokie

1 Like

@cc_episodewriter - Princess of Darya


In your request you mentioned that u want feedback on how to help with the reader retention. I can’t tell u anything specific, besides making your story interesting right from the first episode. I have quite a good retention, as I noticed, and that’s the thing. Make your story as good as you possibly can, in terms of directing, sure, but more importantly in terms of plot, and characters. (IMO, good characters are more important for overall impression than plot.)


1st Episode

  • I would correct the description. I’m a bitch about grammar (as much as I can, cuz I’m not a native Eng speaker). First of all water_fire_earth_wind thing - no mi gusta. Maybe you can even request a description from Help with Story Descriptions from Jadlyss? I like the second part of the description tho, cuz I’m a sucker for forbidden romances.
  • I’m a fan of when authors name their chapters.
  • Lovely introduction. One thing I can propose as a paranoid person is to make everything (meaning usual stuff, like splashes etc.) in one style.
  • I loved how u showed the earth element, animated. Maybe you can do the same with others? Cuz when u started with water and fire, it got me bored a bit, but the earth was really cool. Like sea waves, and fire burning, maybe for the wind to show like it moves leaves or smthg,
  • OK. I’m absolutely not a fan of choices if I have no idea what to choose. I just met these characters, Manzur and Darcia, so the choice here puzzles me a lot, not in a good way. I’m also one of those who appreciates choices only for MC - because I play as MC, so I shouldn’t decide for other secondary characters anything.
  • Just a suggestion, but it’s up to ur idea of course. I noticed u don’t have hair color choice in CC. Maybe it would work to make choice of a few blue tones Episode has?
  • When we see Princess of wind. That overlay, although done amazingly well, I would suggest cutting the bars, that are supposed to be behind her, to make it look a bit more realistic.
  • Check ur speechbubbles. I noticed they are positioned too low from time to time. Maybe u did it intentionally so that u don’t cover their dresses. But the problem with positioning speechbubbles too low from the head is that while I read the text, I can’t really look at their faces, and see the animation, u know.
  • The protectors’ fight scene is kinda off. Black dude is hitting a girl, and she reacts on it too slow. Check it. Their animations aren’t synchronized.
  • Hum. I’m not sure about swimming suit option since they all sorta have this fantasy outfits, which are more associable with medieval? Maybe smthg like tank top and shorts would work better? Dunno.
  • Yikes. I wouldn’t make her walk on the water Jesus-style. Maybe u can make sea overlay, and show her only walking out of it, closer to the shore? Would look much much better.
  • Weird how she saw him only being one meter away. She was walking out of the water lol :smiley:
  • Lol. Aerwyna is awkwardly funny :smiley: Btw. dunno, if u should keep her name as Princess Aerwyna. The title in name alienates reader, kinda. I think O_o
  • First episode length is good enough for me. Sets straight the main idea of the plot introduces to the story universe, and the main character, plus good ending.

2nd Episode

  • When Sarid tells PA (princess Aerwyna for short) about him, u put identical animation for a couple of consecutive dialogue lines. Not a fan. Mingle them a bit.
  • Nonono. I hate that female voice sounds :DDD dunno if I’m the only one, but they give me creeps. And also they kill the voice I imagined in my head for the MC.
  • OK. So I noticed that sometimes u use “storyteller” narration, and sometimes MC narration. I would pick something one def. If u want to add MC’s thoughts, I would put them in thought speechbubbles, not as a narration. I don’t mind seeing “storyteller” narrator in fantasy stories, but keep it one, not various.
  • Nooo. Don’t make them kiss so fast please X_X
  • And here again, Sarid narration.
  • Noooo. C’mon u don’t just see all the qualities Sarid described in someone’s eyes. I want to see MC demonstrating those qualities, not just being said by someone. And I don’t believe in this immediate-took-around-20-minutes-fall-in-love thing.
  • Cool evening to night transition.
  • Be careful when choosing a walk to spot commands. When PA was leaving the beach, the way u picked spot makes her kinda walk over Sarid’s knees. If she is layered in front of him, so she must be closer to the screen, so she could be scaled a bit bigger, and also her feet would be positioned lower then Sarid’s. I saw this thing more times, Pay attention.
  • Sarid is calling her, then runs, she is startled, but she stays in this frozen pose, which looks weird. I suggest to make her startled, then when he stops running, make PA face him with other animation.
  • I wouldn’t pick exit command for PA when she initially was placed with the spot command.
  • When she runs to the castle. Why run animation, not walk_rear? Well, either way, u can just cut this piece out, it’s not really necessary, since we see her moving quietly in the castle, so we know she’s trying to be subtle.
  • Again. U have this tendency to put one type of animation for a few consecutive dialogue lines. It makes it all look blander.
  • Outfit choices. Make them start from capital letters. It will look better tbh.
  • I suggest using transit animation when u make characters get up from sit positions. It just looks better.

3rd Episode

  • Um. When PA walks to the protectors, u make her walk on the left, while facing right. It would make more sense to make her walk on the right from the beginning. That dude, who made introduction could’ve left already btw, on the left.
  • Dude, that cage overlay in the first chapter was so good, but the carriage is kinda off in this chapter. It’s a shame really. Such a good scene, positioning and all, but the carriage. Don’t wanna offend anyone. If u decide to redo it, u can ask me.
  • When carriage leaves the screen, characters aren’t really synchronized with it. The point of moving smoothly - u must move characters forward adding the number that us the difference btwn carriage initial spot vs end spot.
  • Next scene. First of all to make the beginning of the scene smoother put characters animations with the starts command, not with is, and do it before paning to the right zone. Secondly, u put the zoom on characters with like 3-4 seconds, n while that they just sit looking awkwardly. Not a fan personally. Try instant zoom maybe? Same with the next scene. MC sits with the normal animation, and only when u zoom on her she starts being awkward. There is no awkward sitting animation I think,but u can put sit serious animation,before zooming,if u really wanna make the zoom go slowly.

Overall.
So mainly I have issues with the lack of smooth directing from time to time. I mentioned everything above so fix it if u feel like it. I would def fix speechbubbles, that are positioned so low, that I can’t see character animation with my side sight u know. So I miss basically this part.
Dialogues are good, lore as well. I didn’t quite like how fast mc and li fell fr each other, but I guess u need it for further conflict of interest, and since it’s basically a fairytale I can live with it.
I would really try to make directing smoother. I don’t say it’s bad now, not at all. It is quite advanced. But the way u made directing gives this story-dragging feeling, that might turn off some people. I feel like it could be more dynamic. The rest is very good.

3 Likes

hi thank you for your feedback! it is very through i appreciate the effort. I will certainly be fixing all these issues…

1 Like

@MKiara - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun


1st Episode

  • I don’t understand why so many people have their splashes cut a bit from the top O_o.
  • Check your coding in the scene with MC in her bed, cuz MC and overlay appear later.
  • I don’t think u added all the available nose shapes. Also, why we aren’t allowed to choose face/lip/eye shape? Guess we’ll c.
  • That thing with overlays, when they appear later in the scene, you have with other scenes as well, like in the train.
  • I really don’t see a point in that music choice tbh. Seems like a filler.
  • Check your punctuation. Don’t think I saw grammar mistakes (not that I’m pro in this, but anyway), but I saw a lot of missing commas, and points.
  • Ms. Reddy is sooo pretty. I tried to make a character with this hairstyle a couple of times, but they all turned out to be ugly :smiley:
  • Btw. I’d advise placing girls a bit lower in their sits. Now it seems like they are standing.
  • RoseThorne? I think u missed space here. Plus “Exceptional”, not “Execptional”.
  • Try to make some action going while the narrator is narrating. When Kiara (narrator) talks about Sister Jacobs, Kiara just stands with a weird-frozen face. U can simply place some animations for her, to avoid being this part of the scene so static.
  • I also always say, avoid using the same animation numerous times consecutively. It’s kinda lazy.
  • Oooh. Student-teacher plot? Dude is hot.
  • Samantha when talking about a new teacher. U didn’t out animation before every dialogue line.
  • Um. There it is again, WolfHill. Either write the words separately or leave it as Wolfhill. This thing awakens my inner grammar nazi.
  • At first, I kinda liked ur approach when u narrated character basic descriptions. But you do it all - put narration, not like 1-2 short sentences but a lot of it, and characters are left standing frozen in their last animation. I would reconsider the approach. Maybe you cut remove narration, but make principal say it?
  • I noticed that sometimes you kinda overplay with zooms. Like, you zoom on principal, then u zoom again, but with the tiniest difference. Check it, as it’s not the first time I see it, and it kinda buggers me.
  • I really want u to put characters behind girls (u’ll need the overlay for this). This scene is quite long, so some background movement would make it better.
  • I like Samantha. She seems to be the most chill and grounded :smiley:
  • Not sure I ever read the slice-of-life type of story on Episode, but I don’t mind if it’s entertaining.

2nd Episode

  • I find this customization weird :DDD I can get hairstyle, lip color, and eyebrow choice. But the rest is weird. Not sure about ur train of thought here.
  • “You’re phone”. Girl, do a serious grammar check, or better find a proofreader.
  • I hate when writers put one animation for a few consecutive lines, but I double hate when it’s talk_armscrossed_shrug_neutral, cuz every time character crosses arms, then they are back, and so on. It’s about that random guy scene, and a phone,
  • I’m weirded by ur choice of zoom from time to time. Girls are running from the bushes, u zoom on their legs when they stop u zoom on all of them. Too much zoom. Never thought I’d say it,
  • Check the scene after Kiara comes back. Her walking to the seat is kinda weird, like she is walking on the table (almost well). And overall, the scene before that with Ms. Reedy (?) coming in ended kinda abruptly, I thought that when u showed girls again, it is still the same scene. Maybe put a longer transition? And add a frame with Kiara’s face, or maybe even one dialogue line. It’s a bit confusing.
  • The dude eyerolls so much it hurts :smiley:
  • Btw, sometimes u also zoom in a way that u get ur characters cut a bit.
  • When Willow says “I thought you didn’t date people…” Samantha is still on looped animation and her hands are moving… Maybe put her on shiftweight or some idle animation.
  • Same things with guys taking their seats. They are spotted too high when walking to their spot. Yes, to make transit to seat animation work, u’ll have to put one more spot command for it, but otherwise it looks really weird.
  • When random girls drool over that guy (in green), standing girl is way too high. Just take a look at the desk. Normally if u stand besides the table, its edge is around ur waistline. Here we see her knees on that level.
  • A bit weird that Kiara has her bag on, when gardening. Maybe make another outfit without the bag?
  • Your my responsibility”.

Overall.

OK, so overall I actually enjoyed the story. Characters are all different, and pretty likable. As I said I loved Samantha, she’s my kind of girl, Kiara is awkwardly cute. Don’t know much about Asian girl (sry, I’m bad with names, and hers is kinda complicated for my Slavic brain), so I think we will know more about her in next chapters. Willow is always angry :smiley: Dunno. I can only advise not to go too extreme with her angry personality. Angry guy (I’m sorry, there is a lot of unusual names in ur story :smiley: ). He gives me serious Hardin Scott (from “After”) vibes, guess cuz of all the story with father-step brother thing, and well, cuz he is so mean. I advise to slow down with eyeroll animations, there are too many of them IMO.
Directing is good overall. I mentioned some things I think are worth fixing, so if you need overlays for them, or directing advise, feel free to DM me.
And totally find a proofreader. Many punctuation mistakes, and also quite some grammar ones. You can totally check my Help Thread, as there is a lot of useful directing information, as well as some useful links to great threads, including proofreading.
I added this story to my favorites, and also to My Favorite Reviewed Stories tab in the original post, and in my Episode profile, so I hope you will fix these things I mentioned. Keep up the good work.

2 Likes

Hey! Can I just say your reviews are so detailed and helpful I was so
This review means so much to me really :see_no_evil:
I would love some help with my directing and overlays!! I would love to DM you for those! Your story has really good directing and overlays are on point!!

**the CC thing,**

so I thought I had the facial changes in there and when I posted the chapter I only then just realized it. I’m still looking for a template that has those things cause that cc bothers me so much too >.<

1 and 2 episodes"
  • Punctuation will be the death of me. My Grammarly doesn’t work on the app so I have to check it manually and I miss a lot.
  • I will definitely be fixing those animations
    *I’m not sure what you meant with the narrator character basic descriptions, I would love if you would elaborate about it because I was not sure about it either.
    *Student teacher plot- YES love them but I’m hoping you’ll like how mine turns out :sweat_smile::joy:
    *Lol Idk y I never thought about doing an overlay for the auditorium because I tried to put girls behind them but it looked terrible.
    *I will definitely fix those animations for characters
Overall

*I’m so glad you loved Samantha and I will definitely try to show more sides of Willow then just her angry one.
*I’m so glad the names stood out to you No worries I know they’re hard to remember or understand.
*I never saw “After” and now I am very intrigued :open_mouth:
*I will definitely be DM you! Thank you :grin:

I will definitely be fixing these mistakes!!
I’m really so honored you enjoyed my story despite the mistakes. Thanks so much for the helpful advice and reviewing my story!

1 Like

Yeah, u may :DDDD I love being praised ^^ :rofl:
Just DM with all the questions u have and I’ll see what I can do. I can help with CC template as well.

2 Likes

Girl I could go all day with the praises!!
And I will definitely get my questions organized and message you them! :heart_eyes::heart_eyes:

1 Like

Anyone who follows. I will be accepting Adventurous contest entries, out of queue.

3 Likes

Adventurous: Watch me Fly
CeCe Marie
Marie has just turned 18 years old, when presented with the chance to go on a 3 day group trip to the hot air balloon festival, she immediately joins. But she is stuck going with her 6 year old sister, what adventures will they encounter? All is not as it seems…

3 Likes

Title: Blacksmiths Boarding School
Author: Jessica Olson
Description: Young Caroline has suffered unimaginable loss. Will Dylan help bring her out of this sadness or push her in deeper?
Small cover: Blacksmiths_Boarding_School_posterThumb_YGDlBC63E2
What is the main concern about your story?: To help me improve my story and get someone elses opinion :smiley: thank you!

1 Like

Not sure if this is the same forum but let’s try, (Deleted first post)
Title Growing Pains
Author epy_jaz
Description The life of Jacalyn Tate. Can you help her stay afloat, or will you help her drown.
Small cover


What is the main concern about your story? If it’s good enough.

It’s not the small cover :slight_smile: Do u cave cover at all?

I dont. I’m new to everything but someone offered to make one for me they just haven’t done it yet.

1 Like

.

@Em546 - Inner Circle


1st Episode

  • Again. How do you guys have your splashes cropped on the top? I will never get it. By the way, I like this approach more, when you place characters on ur splashes, instead of just picture. Looks better.
  • THANK U, for the warning about phone/tablet. Very few do it.
  • Just before the line “And has my father told you…” you kinda zoom again, with the slight difference, from the previous. It kinda twitches a bit, but still, I noticed. Maybe remove it.
  • Dunno if it’s your first story, doesn’t look like it. Directing is pretty good, and you use overlays nicely.
  • Now. When her phone rings, you make her stand up and look at it. I know, there are no many animations for sitting with a phone (I think only one), but I suggest you zoom on her right after the sound of the phone, place her lower (like she is sitting in her seat), and do all the phone related animations. It’s kinda weird since, first of all, cause she’s on a jet (is it moving?), and secondly cause how many people stand out just to check their phone? I’m nagging, deal with it :smiley:
  • Okay. I loooove how you made text messages. Small suggestion. Maybe make some phone background? And also put readermessage, telling to click on the screen, as some readers may have never seen this feature.
  • Ohhh, u used that new unreleased feature. Looks cool. I noticed that some messages differ in font size (cause when u use bold text, the font gets bigger than the regular). Dunno, maybe u should make it the same.
  • I dunno what u did with the customization. It is kinda weird. It lacks a lot of skin colors, while having both dark and light, so it totally doesn’t make sense to me. Actually, a lot of new features are missing. @Dara.Amarie has great updated templates, I suggest you check them.
  • Check speechbubbles. When MC is talking with Ruth, the tail often faces the wrong direction.
  • I think your dialogues are quite dynamic and will make the audience interested, at least the ones who love these high-school-uni dramas.

  • Insta splash is also kinda cut, vertically.

2nd Episode

  • Cool edited background of MC room.
    Yep, I didn’t find anything to else to say, but I was kinda invested in the chapter, so it’s a good thing.

3rd Episode

  • When Ruth hugs Luna. When they stop hugging, you make Luna idle (while she still faces right), then make her face left and only then Ruth stops hugging animation. It looks awkward. Better do it at the same time. @RUTH starts idle and LUNA starts idle and LUNA faces left
  • I don’t get MC tbh. Paige is classic “bad-boy” character and a total bitch.
  • It’s weird that MC talks to Paige with her back to her. Yeah, she was checking her phone, and turned to the left, but then she kinda talks for like 1-2 more minutes with Paige while not facing her.
  • And yeah, one-moment Paige is aggressively blackmailing MC, then she backs out… It’s kinda weird to me.
  • Loved that game you included, that is based on tips Ruth gave MC about Daniel.
  • Jeez, that girl is rose dress is so cliche, it’s kinda funny :smiley:
  • Um… Dunno. The kiss was too fast. I kissed guys after just met them too, but it doesn’t happen after 4 sentences u know O_o Really fast and unrealistic for me :frowning:
  • When MC is calling for Ruth, she is kinda moving while shouting. Check it.
  • Why did Paige say that I failed the task? O_o
  • After Paige hangs down the phone, and you show MC again, I can’t see Ruth, and MC faces to the right. Dunno if that’s the glitch, but I exited the story and started it 3 times, so maybe it is script mistake.
  • “Everyone know eachother” -> “Everyone knows each other.

4th Episode

  • I just now noticed, that your intro picture (with the “Inner Circle” title) is also cut, but horizontally… Why???
  • Why Paige cares so much getting revenge on Blair? She doesn’t seem to be fond of Daniel.
  • Speechbubbles in the car scene are off.
  • When we see Alexa and Troy, they both are on talking loop animations.
  • Good thing with the overlays at movie premiere. But characters are spotted the way, that they look like they are standing. They should be bigger and positioned lower.
  • Your thing with a click-on-character thing works kinda bad X_X I almost smashed my screen. Okay. I finally made it, while getting rebellious badge X_X So fcuking hard to click, dunno why.
  • “And I expected more from you, MC”. Dude knows me for like one day -_-
  • Scene with the paparazzi. They are kinda randomly spotted. Lady with the short black haircut is very big, and others basically as well. Check the guide below.
BG Char Spotting Guide

image

  • I decide to stay for a couple more minutes. When they pass, and Daniel leaves, MC and Alexa are still standing with the wink and admire or smthg faces, on camera. Plus Troy is layered in front of Paige, while judging from their feet positions he is supposed to be behind. Dudes posing in the background are frozen as well…
  • When they are dancing in Paige’s room, MC is layered in front of Alexa, while she is obviously behind her…

Overall.

So directing. There were great moments, and also not great. I think I said it all. U just gotta take note on those things I mentioned (or not) and make sure you keep them in mind while writing other episodes.
The moment when Paige and blonde girl say about their group being not about child-games, it kinda got me hooked. I thought that if their games would slowly make them do some crazy-ass shit, u know, like in thriller direction, I would love this kind of plot. But judging from 4 episodes, I guess they’re gonna redeem themselves. I find a lack of logic and realism in some characters actions, as I mentioned, so it turns me off tbh. But I think younger readers will love your story.
If I misunderstood something in their actions - feel free to correct me.
Otherwise hope the review is helpful.

@KerriStrwberry - Mischief Night

I heard only good things about your story so I have kinda high expectations :smiley:


1st Episode

  • Well, first of all, I love the horror-comedy genre.
  • Holy fcuk, when Brooklyn pushed Mr Narrator, with that sound, I burst into laughter. :rofl:
  • U might wanna check her outfit, cause her boots are layered kinda ew thank u Episode, I can see the boot on her right leg, and no boot on her left leg. Just pick other boots or pants :smiley:
  • Landon is right. Bit of a long introduction. Maybe if her speech was a bit mixed with some scenes… I dunno what kind of scenes. Maybe just random street with kids Halloween-ing?
  • The narrator bubble with the chapter title. Is it supposed to be placed too far on the left? Or you forgot to reset speechbubble?
  • Check the spot positions in the kitchen scene. So in the previous introduction scene, all the guys were placed with the stands on the screen left/right/center command. And the thing with this command in Limelight is that guys are always smaller than girls. Dunno why. Anyway, in the kitchen scene, Landon is positioned the way that he seems to be much taller than Brook since he is standing further but is bigger. U might wanna check this guide, and also be more consistent with character sizes. And I know most of the people prob won’t notice this thing, but hey, there are whiny bitches like me out there.
Guide

image

  • I think at the end of this scene (or maybe even before), the speechbubble stayed at one position. U might wanna check it,
  • Also when the transition goes, at the end of the kitchen scene, for some reason, after it goes through, I once again see that kitchen scene with all characters, for like half a second, and then comes the next scene. Dunno why, but u should check it tots.
  • Okay. So I see that when you physically can use stands on screen l/r/c command. I’d advice u to use spot commands. Yeah, it is more time-consuming (although not much), but this way you can control character’s heights u know. As once again in this scene, Brook is taller and overall bigger than Landon. Don’t be a lazy ass. Yep, definitely use spot commands here. I’m 100% sure.
  • “Long story… but …”. So put either one full stop or three, and also begin the next part with the capital letter. I think it’s not the first time I noticed grammar/punctuation mistake. Maybe if you want it to be really perfect you should find a reliable proofreader.
  • Why Landon has lipstick on tho?
  • Elliot from… What? I’m not that old prob :smiley:
  • Now the scene in the costume shop ends the same way as in the kitchen, I mean the transition problem.
  • I would reconsider calling your character as Beyonce tbh. Or at least asked Episode stuff. It is fine to dress characters like them, like for Halloween, but it looks like a celebrity put into the story. U might be reported for this, and judges also might consider it as a violation.
  • Also about this whole first party scene, I think that characters are placed a bit disproportionally with the background. I think they are bigger than they should.
  • “Yeah, yeah… how long…” the same thing as with the sentence before. Yep, find a proofreader, and I will leave out grammar/punctuation comments from now on.
  • When Tom comes… Yep. Use. Spot. Commands. I’ll just post the paragraph from my help thread.
  • Dunno if it’s only me, but I seriously hate human voice sounds. They are really weird, first of all, and the second thing, they mess with the voice I made for the characters in my head u know.
  • Also I only now noticed, that you don’t/almost don’t use zoom in the story.
  • Poor Tom. Drinking his sorrow away. TBH when I agreed for a drink, I just wanted a drink, not really hang out with him :smiley:
  • Sure. Follow creepy sound all the way to the cemetery. That’s what I would do not.
  • Brook has balls of steel.
  • “You’re mind wants to leave…” Your. I promised not to mention it, but I couldn’t…
  • Loved the ghost scene. Just a suggestion u may take it or leave it. It would look cooler if you’d not just made her disappear in an instant, but maybe put her on the shift command simultaneously with the timed opacity command. She will sorta vanish in the air.
  • When Brook falls from above, check her speechbubble. Overall just check speechbubble command everywhere.
  • I personally don’t like when authors make the character walk through the door this way, just sorta making them disappear. I can suggest (if u want to make an extra effort), and I also can help if needed, to make open door overlay and make her really walk in, and then maybe make the door close with the sound. Would be cool.
  • Instagram splash is cut vertically.

2nd Episode

  • Pumpkin King :rofl:
  • No! U did not… Make a child-sized character walk away with the exit command. Nonononono. No. Spot command, please. Here’s a link to how to make characters exit with the spot command, just in case.
  • “What if I’m going to be as good of a Queen…” I believe you wanted to say not as good of a Queen
  • Throne room scene, speechbubble position is again off.
  • I don’t really get, Do we have an MC here?
  • “There she was! The most…” I believe you want to say it with the narrator bubble. At least I think it would be the best fit. And the next phrase as well. Maybe thought bubble will fit as well.
  • They look kinda weird, I mean Ember and Axis. It is like he is standing with his back to her. Maybe it is better to make him walk like in line with her?
  • The terrace scene. I saw the background, then the transition. It shouldn’t be like this.
  • Okay. I know how sitting commands work. U have to put another spot command if you want to sit your characters. You made Ember walk to the spot, which wouldn’t require you to put another spot command, but this way she walks to a very high spot, so it looks really weird. Make her walk to a normal spot, and then place sit command with the fitting spot command in one line.
  • Again refer to the guide. Spot positions… Just cause you place characters higher, doesn’t mean they will look further. They will look smaller, for sure, but the eye level will be around the same u know. And I would place King Lumos a bit higher, cause now it looks like he is closer to the screen, so it’s like naturally, he should standing with his back to us, u know.
  • Holy crap, how are they gonna remove the wings and horns O_o This is scary.
  • I would tots use the walking_rear command on the stairs.
  • Is Brook=Ember? O_o
  • Frankie, :smirk:

Overall

Sorry for reviewing only 2 episodes, I’m out of passes now, but I will continue reading the story anyway. Tell me when u plan on fixing episodes, cause if you want, after you do, I can re-read these 2 episodes, and continue from that, just to check if I find something more.
So… There is some work you have to get done I think.
First of all proofreader. Find one and check all the episodes.
Second. Directing. A lot of things need to be fixed and take a note that each type of mistake should be fixed in every episode, as I kinda see most of them are recurring. And you see. You can do advanced directing, and you know how to spot, you just try to avoid it. Don’t. Yeah, it’s gonna take more of your time, but it will look much better.
About the plot. I definitely liked the 2nd chapter more than the 1st. 1st lacked a bit of exposition I suppose. But maybe it is because of mostly basic directing, especially in conversations. If you will place characters with spot commands, and zoom here and there, scenes will become more dynamic, I promise.
The plot itself is really interesting. That thing with the falling through the portas (I guess?) was unexpected, just like that scene from Pumpkin Kingdom. And I’m excited to see what’s gonna happen in the house with monsters, cause I expect a lot of fun situations.

M’kay. Let me know what you think.

1 Like