@zapcV - Inner Circle
1st Episode
- Again. How do you guys have your splashes cropped on the top? I will never get it. By the way, I like this approach more, when you place characters on ur splashes, instead of just picture. Looks better.
- THANK U, for the warning about phone/tablet. Very few do it.
- Just before the line “And has my father told you…” you kinda zoom again, with the slight difference, from the previous. It kinda twitches a bit, but still, I noticed. Maybe remove it.
- Dunno if it’s your first story, doesn’t look like it. Directing is pretty good, and you use overlays nicely.
- Now. When her phone rings, you make her stand up and look at it. I know, there are no many animations for sitting with a phone (I think only one), but I suggest you zoom on her right after the sound of the phone, place her lower (like she is sitting in her seat), and do all the phone related animations. It’s kinda weird since, first of all, cause she’s on a jet (is it moving?), and secondly cause how many people stand out just to check their phone? I’m nagging, deal with it
- Okay. I loooove how you made text messages. Small suggestion. Maybe make some phone background? And also put readermessage, telling to click on the screen, as some readers may have never seen this feature.
- Ohhh, u used that new unreleased feature. Looks cool. I noticed that some messages differ in font size (cause when u use bold text, the font gets bigger than the regular). Dunno, maybe u should make it the same.
- I dunno what u did with the customization. It is kinda weird. It lacks a lot of skin colors, while having both dark and light, so it totally doesn’t make sense to me. Actually, a lot of new features are missing. @Dara.Amarie has great updated templates, I suggest you check them.
- Check speechbubbles. When MC is talking with Ruth, the tail often faces the wrong direction.
- I think your dialogues are quite dynamic and will make the audience interested, at least the ones who love these high-school-uni dramas.
- Insta splash is also kinda cut, vertically.
2nd Episode
- Cool edited background of MC room.
Yep, I didn’t find anything to else to say, but I was kinda invested in the chapter, so it’s a good thing.
3rd Episode
- When Ruth hugs Luna. When they stop hugging, you make Luna idle (while she still faces right), then make her face left and only then Ruth stops hugging animation. It looks awkward. Better do it at the same time. @RUTH starts idle and LUNA starts idle and LUNA faces left
- I don’t get MC tbh. Paige is classic “bad-boy” character and a total bitch.
- It’s weird that MC talks to Paige with her back to her. Yeah, she was checking her phone, and turned to the left, but then she kinda talks for like 1-2 more minutes with Paige while not facing her.
- And yeah, one-moment Paige is aggressively blackmailing MC, then she backs out… It’s kinda weird to me.
- Loved that game you included, that is based on tips Ruth gave MC about Daniel.
- Jeez, that girl is rose dress is so cliche, it’s kinda funny
- Um… Dunno. The kiss was too fast. I kissed guys after just met them too, but it doesn’t happen after 4 sentences u know O_o Really fast and unrealistic for me
- When MC is calling for Ruth, she is kinda moving while shouting. Check it.
- Why did Paige say that I failed the task? O_o
- After Paige hangs down the phone, and you show MC again, I can’t see Ruth, and MC faces to the right. Dunno if that’s the glitch, but I exited the story and started it 3 times, so maybe it is script mistake.
- “Everyone know eachother” -> “Everyone knows each other.”
4th Episode
- I just now noticed, that your intro picture (with the “Inner Circle” title) is also cut, but horizontally… Why???
- Why Paige cares so much getting revenge on Blair? She doesn’t seem to be fond of Daniel.
- Speechbubbles in the car scene are off.
- When we see Alexa and Troy, they both are on talking loop animations.
- Good thing with the overlays at movie premiere. But characters are spotted the way, that they look like they are standing. They should be bigger and positioned lower.
- Your thing with a click-on-character thing works kinda bad X_X I almost smashed my screen. Okay. I finally made it, while getting rebellious badge X_X So fcuking hard to click, dunno why.
- “And I expected more from you, MC”. Dude knows me for like one day -_-
- Scene with the paparazzi. They are kinda randomly spotted. Lady with the short black haircut is very big, and others basically as well. Check the guide below.
BG Char Spotting Guide
- I decide to stay for a couple more minutes. When they pass, and Daniel leaves, MC and Alexa are still standing with the wink and admire or smthg faces, on camera. Plus Troy is layered in front of Paige, while judging from their feet positions he is supposed to be behind. Dudes posing in the background are frozen as well…
- When they are dancing in Paige’s room, MC is layered in front of Alexa, while she is obviously behind her…
Overall.
So directing. There were great moments, and also not great. I think I said it all. U just gotta take note on those things I mentioned (or not) and make sure you keep them in mind while writing other episodes.
The moment when Paige and blonde girl say about their group being not about child-games, it kinda got me hooked. I thought that if their games would slowly make them do some crazy-ass shit, u know, like in thriller direction, I would love this kind of plot. But judging from 4 episodes, I guess they’re gonna redeem themselves. I find a lack of logic and realism in some characters actions, as I mentioned, so it turns me off tbh. But I think younger readers will love your story.
If I misunderstood something in their actions - feel free to correct me.
Otherwise hope the review is helpful.