Cookie's Uncensored Reviews 🔒

Finally :DDD Sorry, been busy with lots of shit.


@cc_episodewriter - Watch Me Fly


1st Episode

  • First things first. Dunno if it’s the final directing, but I really suggest you add some kind of intro, at least warning splash or smthg. It starts kinda abruptly.
  • Check lip colors part in the customization template. Every other tab seems fine, but lip colors don’t have “Done” choice on every page. Maybe it is intentional tho, but I’d recommend doing it.
  • Good job on adding freckles/moles and stuff.
  • Hot Balloon flyer is a tiny bit cut horizontally. Maybe it’s just zoomed a bit?
  • I just noticed. You put an option to make my own name for a character, but later it is changed to “Marie” anyway. Check it.
  • I am not too far into the story but I think your directing is much better here, smoother too. Good job.
  • I just noticed that you adjusted mom to mc customization. GJ. But dad could use it too. Dunno. Like mom is a total copy of me, but dad doesn’t look like my dad (since I made a white character).
  • Hum. Okay, I won’t point grammar stuff, but I strongly recommend finding a proofreader.
  • So I went with “being pissed over little sister coming too”, and I’d think about MC’s reaction a bit. She went all nuts screaming, and then in the next sentence easily agrees.
  • Um. So I found the dude on the bus creepy, and it took off one point. Is this the adventure point as well? Not fair :frowning:
  • Now, when I meme-dare Mathias to do smthg happens with zooms. I thought it’s disappearing character glitch, So I exited story, but you messed up with the zoom. After that I saw MC being on fire (literally) cause of the way overlay is layered, and then messed up zooms again. X_X Zooms are wrong up until the next dare.
  • When MC walks to the couple, she kinda walks right through the fire. Maybe change her walking route a bit.
  • What? Contains all letters… Envelope… Huh?

2nd Episode

  • So I checked points in the previous episode and noticed that even after you “overlay” me with +1 point, nothing changed. You didn’t put points yet?
  • Okay. I think you didn’t finish 2nd episode.

It’s hard to judge plot itself based on 1 episode only, so maybe finish 3 of them, and I can go through it all.

Hi. I’m sorry I had to remove hidden backgrounds and it messed up a lot of my zooms. Thank you for the advice so far. I will go back and rework it and let you know when I have all 3 done. Thank you

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No worries. Same work is waiting for me(

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Password: Evil Cookie
Title Outcast
Author Loren
Description A young Orphaned girl returns to the city she considers home. How will she connect with her new ‘family’? And will she truly reconnect with old friends?
Small cover


What is the main concern about your story? I’ve written a lot of short stories before and have actually been developing a similar plot line to this for a while. I’ve only joined episode about three to four months ago and I’m nervous at the new platform. I’ve been trying to do my research on coding and implement what I’ve learned over this short time. I’m very persistent when it comes to learning new things, but I’m worried my thoughts might not come across correctly to others as they do to me. My main concern would be the flow, dialogue and overall feel of the story… Secondary is coding, of course. I will warn you that this story has a lot of cursing in it, so if that bothers you then no pressure to read it!
Thank you for considering reviewing my story :heart:

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I use cursing only like 20% of the time I speak :smiley: No worries.

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@LillyR - The Wedding Buddies


1st Episode

  • Her dad is so real, it’s depressive. :neutral_face:
  • So far I really have no comments, since directing is smooth, and dialogues are great. My only small issue so far is the use of non-talking animations for dialogue lines, mostly these were laugh animations. I’d suggest putting laugh before/after the dialogue lines.
  • Good job, I can’t stand MC’s mom and sister and it’s been like 2 minutes :smiley:
  • My OCD-ish habits just don’t like how you zoomed on MC when she speaks to Stella. You cut off some part of her head and it’s making me anxious.

I think this is the least I wrote for the 1st episode for anyone’s story. I honestly loved it. Directing is flawless, like not a single mistake. And dialogues are so natural I’m just… Crying my happy tears. There were 2 things only mentioned, and of course, I’d be happy to see them gone :DDDDD But your story is great regardless.


2nd Episode

  • What? Why did she run away? :smiley:
  • I was dying to tell MC’s mom all that stuff. Jeez.
  • Why is Stella such a bitch? I mean all of them. Can’t stand them.
  • When Elsie comes to her mom in the kitchen, she MC is layered behind her mom, and it is a bit off, cuz it looks like her mom is petting her.
  • Your Instagram text overlay should be a tad lower, it’s not fully visible now.

3rd Episode

  • I love these little memories in the beginning. But this one got me thinking why does Elsie likes Oliver.
  • Check speechbubble in Piper-Oliver rant. When Piper is speaking, her speechbubble tail faces the wrong direction. Maybe check all convos and speechbubble positions, cuz I think I saw some more places too.
  • Piper is such a… I don’t have the word :DDDD Love how this innocent question turned out.
  • When mom is scolding MC, and then walks to her (upset), you make this “came closer” thing about the character position , not the size. To make her mom look like she is standing further than MC, you should’ve made MC bigger, but their eyes on more or less the same level. Check the guide.
Guide

image

  • When MC talks with Oliver in flower shop, it feels like their talking animations (without dialogue lines) are going for too long.

Okay. Overall.
This is one great story. Directing mostly is just perfect. Dialogues - insanely good and reflect realistic characters. I felt very invested in all that drama tbh. I think it is fair to say this is my favorite story from all the stories I have reviewed in this thread.
This deserves to be featured, like no doubt.
Hopefully you will :slight_smile: *Added to favorites

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Oh my god I’m crying :sob: I’m gonna fix all the things you mentioned, thank you!

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Just update fast woman :smiley: :laughing:

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I’m trying :sob:

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@writingwithjade - Echo Kreek


1st Episode

  • That Intro is quite intense.
  • When Elijah is walking from the police station he’s kinda walking down. Dunno. Maybe it would make sense to make him go to the side and getting bigger? I think it would look more realistic.
  • When MC is thanking Mauve the zoom kinda cuts MC’s half.
  • Is it intentionally that you people zoom so that parts of the character are cut? Maybe it’s just me obsessing over this.

2nd Episode

  • Owww. That dog is so cute ^^
  • Love how u worked with overlays. That fog is awesome.

3rd Episode

  • So the same thing I see as in the previous review. Instead of scaling characters, to make them look further, you just place them higher. Check the guide below. And I noticed you do it most of the time, with walking commands as well.
Guide

image

  • I don’t really understand the meaning of the choice about Alona. Like, readers already saw that she is shady and dislike Phyre. Makes the choice kinda obvious.

4th Episode

  • Um. I’m not sure, but I think you didn’t mention who we are allowed to customize. I suppose those all are love interests? Maybe it is worth mentioning.
  • reader message - “Shirley become interested”. I guess it is became
  • When Shirley is talking with Phyre, maybe u could try to do this over the shoulder directing thing? Cause it looks like Shirley is talking with her back turned to Phyre. For this stuff, I usually duplicate character, place them somewhere else in the background and just keep switching zones.
  • Yeah. TBH I’m not really sure what’s going on, I mean plot, but it’s not super-confusing, I just need more pieces of it. I suppose there’s a curse connected with the necklace. And Phyre seems to be cursed. Dunno why tho. And that lady in bloody clothes was hella creepy.
  • “I’m done”. This tab makes me giggle. I’m done :smiley:

5th Episode

  • “Egg.” :DDD What. Emily…

So overall. Dialogues are very good, smooth and differ from character to character. The plot is also good, unique and seems to be well written. Point system is cool. I think u know all of this :wink:
Directing mostly is great. You do well with zoom, overlays and basically everything.
Only issues I have with it are:

  1. Use of non-talking animations on dialogue lines, like laugh, eyeroll etc. I think I mention it in 85% of reviews.
  2. Zooms. Sometimes you cut characters, either horizontally or their heads. This is going throughout the story.
  3. Some walking to spot commands and perspective. I mentioned it in the comments for 3rd episode.
  4. I noticed a couple of time that you use one animation several times in a row. It might be okay with some of them, but if it is arms crossed animation, it is… kinda bugging?
    Otherwise, your story is great, and I really dunno how it doesn’t have more reads. I’d only advise updating more often, cause I think the 5th episode was coming for months.
    There wasn’t a lot I mentioned, but mostly cause everything was very solid.
    Good luck with ur story, hope it was helpful.
2 Likes

Thanks! I’m glad you liked it. I do need to go over the zooms/scaling in my directing and tenses in my sentences… I often times make those mistakes. It’s just so much code to go through! :sweat_smile: I definitely will go over that though, thanks for pointing that out!

Edit: Oh yeah, the two characters you’re able to customize are love interests, I should probably mention that as you said…

1 Like

Password: Evil Cookie
Title: Bad Behavior
Author: Liyah
Summary: How will Alana, Lucas, Ryan and Rachel survive their past and conquer their future…
If bad behavior follows them everywhere, they go?
Cover:

My main certain would be ways to improve. (If you spot any spelling errors or wrong usage of punctuation… That would be nice.)

I’m pretty sure you posted request before in my thread but didn’t use the right form, therefore was declined. Was it?

I don’t believe I was declined.
I do know that I deleted because I had some errors I wanted to fix before I got a review.

If u say so. Ok.

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Password: Evil Cookie
Title: The Jinxx Chronicles: Maces and Talons
Author: oakleafapprentice
Description: A different planet, a different world, and a different culture. Mysterious sects and a rebel leader just makes Ari’s job that much harder.
Small Cover:


The Main Concern: This is the first story I’m doing as a visual novel instead of an interactive one. It’s also the first one where I use a lot of different overlays and effects. I want to know if the flow is good, if the plot makes sense, and what can be improved on! It’s not published at the moment, so I’ll DM you a link. There’s a chapter and a half complete, more to be added soon!

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Shit I didn’t realize the password was part of the form… can I redo my entry for a review​:sob::sob::sob:

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Password: Evil Cookie
Title: Queen
Author: Steffi
Description: All her life, Devina was raised learning the ways of being a proper lady of the nobility. But her life is suddenly disrupted when a royal advisor visits and reveals to her that she is the next monarch of Artesia. WIll she reign? Or will she renounce her claim to the throne? Will she choose love or duty? It’s all up to you!!

What is the main concern about your story?: I would really like your complete honest thoughts on the writing, directing, and characters.

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I’ll add u

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Thank you :heart::heart::heart:

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