I completely understand, take your time, I have a review thread and I can understand the stress! . Get to me when you can, but I’m not gonna be expecting it soon!
@JackAttack95 - Razors
- Hehe, two things I hate the most, author introductions and spotlight :DDD kiddin’. Or not. no, I’m not kidding I just don’t like them… There is no necessary information in this introduction. Disclaimers are fine as splashes or readerMessages. I can whine forever about it
- Oh. I thought you only made the introduction as the spotlight, not the whole story. I have a problem here. Let’s put aside the fact that most readers don’t like the spotlight, I donnow why, they just do. And I don’t mean just Forum community, I noticed it a lot in the Instagram comments. But as this is clearly a sci-fi drama (donnow why u put it in drama section tho). So you just can’t possibly show all effects and events that are happening, at least not as you did, without additional narration in this scene. I write it after the first scene (with the high building) is. I didn’t get what the hell happened there with that woman. Some woman, then Isaac… What happened? If it wasn’t for review I would stop reading, just cause I don’t get it right from the start.
- “It charges at you but you with your stick but you wack…” extra but, no?
Well, the first chapter was rather short. I don’t even mean in lines but in content. Basically what happened is some scene in the very beginning, that I didn’t even understand, quite a long scene in the car and that thing, that wasn’t really interesting for me, then him traveling to some planet, and cave scene. Cliffhanger is good and cliffhangy. And your descriptive side is very good.
I also don’t see how story title connects with the plot, at least yet.
- In the beginning, you say it’s the 3rd chapter. Supposed to be 2nd.
- Matt. Episode default character? Why not customize yours? Same with Touma (esp. as he is Tenshi’s brother and they are supposed to be alike). These are things writers mostly notice.
- The 2nd chapter is also kinda short.
- And 3rd chapter says that it’s 4th O_o Why’s that?
- The group of 4 in the jungle consists of default characters too. it’s really not that much of a job to customize them.
- I only now start getting who that woman is at the beginning of the 1st episode. Like his ex-gf or smthg? If it was a flashback or memory, it would be wise to distinguish it with the reality somehow. Using a filter or at least readerMessage,
- The 3rd. chapter seems to be a lot longer than other 2. I just always appreciate consistency, even in story length. Chapter is dynamic enough, there is a lot of action.
To be honest. Yeah, your writing skills are good. Cause it’s hard to describe it all quite accurate, and I think you did it very well. Well, as much as I can judge.
But Spotlight… I don’t mind spotlight stories on other apps but that’s because there is no other option, but on Episode where it can be a proper story with full character actions and much more, I don’t get why people make it Spotlight. I don’t mind reading romance story in Spotlight. Honestly. Because u know, there are mostly conversations and stuff. but here we have a sci-fi story in the Spotlight. So much to show and we have to read. And I don’t say that without a picture there’s no point in a sci-fi or fantasy story. It’s just… It’s like driving from North Carolina all the way to Nevada for a Coke can when I can get it in the store 2 minutes away from my home. Like, what’s the point, u know?
What else. Dialogues are good, somewhere witty. I just feel a bit of lack of Isaac’s tournament cause he was taken from Earth. He seems to not be disturbed about it too much…
You see, I don’t really have anything else to comment about. But there is some action like fighting Taken and stuff, and I kinda miss seeing it, instead of reading.
Characters seem to be well written, with their own different background and personalities, plus you have some details that you put into story’s “universe”.
Plot is interesting enough too.
I would suggest redoing the story in normal INK or Limelight, otherwise I don’t see anything else much to fix.
Thanks for your review! The woman in the beginning was a sort of vision Isaac was getting. He gets them quite infrequently in the story and is explained why towards the later part of the season. Though you’re not the first reviewer to comment on the confusion on that part so I’ll have to touch that up. I’m actually in the process of polishing the story based on the feedback I got. Getting rid of that author intro was the first thing I did
But thanks for looking at my story and giving me feedback
Yeah, glad I was a help. But seriously your writing is very good in my humble opinion. I think you could do great things on Wattpad, without that extra work that Episode requires with directing.
Thanks! I appreciate that. The overall story is good. But I still need to get my feet wet in Episode’s script coding. It was actually the reason I chose Spotlight first just so I could have something to “practice” with before I move on to Season 2, which is right now full on LL. Obviously Season 2 is gonna require some…work as well
I would like an review please.
Fill the form please. It’s on top
Title: Job Drama
Description: When life takes its swing at you,you’re left jobless and hit a whole new low and depending on nothing and nobody.So when you finally get a job,will you let lies and love get to you
What is the main concern about your story? A girl is jobless and she has no to go, so she needs to find a job before everything goes down hill.
@Mimibrix - In the County
- Maria in her phone convo, while Claire is speaking she is on looped talking animation. U might wanna check it,
- And MC is standing with the weird face when Maria is talking on the phone. Put her on shiftweight animation or smthg.
- I feel like you haven’t got a full hold on the available animations and how u can use them. That animation with the gift box was kinda weird.
- I donnow how I feel about the exaggerated use of animations. Like their animations are way too…bold? It works sometimes in some stories, but not sure about this one.
- Default Episode character (sales lady) spotted. Even clothes are the same. It makes me sad.
- Dawn is walking with the box while not moving… There is an idle animation for the box.
- Check weird faces. I see them a lot. Sometimes they are stuck with them, like after the callout or greet animations. You can always put idle_shiftweight animation after their lines.
- Why are u not using walking rear animation? (Kitchen scene)
- You should work on spot commands and perspective. I see that you place your characters at spots, and sometimes make them walk not to the spot, but to the screen right/left. It doesn’t always work, and a lot of times messes with the perspective. Always check how character movements correlate with the background. Especially visible at the party scene.
- Maybe try changing other characters clothes from time to time?
- Wait, so she has a private jet, but can’t spend 500$ on a dress?
- Check Landie and lil’ girl’s layers. Cause now MC’s aunt is positioned behind but should be in front. Not while they are talking, but when they are leaving.
- It’s not just about your story, but what is it with everyone making characters cough when they think that some girl is cute?
I just don’t know. It really has the potential for a sit-com kind of story. But I think there’s gotta be more work done. With dialogues, with directing. I’m thinking about MC as well… Like she’s not likable. I get it, she is a spoiled brat, but there’s gotta be something likable about her, and at the end of the 2nd episode I still don’t see anything good about her.
The plot idea is good, not original as a movie concept, but as an Episode story - it kinda is. I’d advise you to re-think MC from the scratch. Now she’s just highly obnoxious and annoying. Characters questionnaire helps with this a lot. She may be a brat, but she might be funny brat you know, with some cool traits, maybe the way she speaks. And definitely work on directing. You sorta make an attempt to do advanced directing, but it requires a lot of polishing.
Hope this was helpful.
@misfits-n-tantrums - Dancing for my Life
- Lol, you’re the first writer I see to warn readers about tablet thing)
- I miss a bit of smoothness in the beginning. You make the sound splash and then characters simply appear. Kinda want to see some kind of short intro, maybe transition)
- Heeeey. Where are my favorite hairy male faces? X_X #mad
- Please don’t tell me white-haired dude is gonna put some drugs in her drink… He did. I just wonder if it really happens that often.
- Check the scene in the club where guys are fighting. Background characters are spotted a bit wrong I would say. The ones on the right should be a bit smaller and positioned lower.
- Johnny… I had so much hope
- That was kinda short for my taste.
- I know visual things are not that important, I mean splashes and stuff. But sound splash is kinda off. Squeezed and cut on sides. If you’ll decide to redo them, feel free to ask me.
- I have that thing. I notice when writers put the same animation for a few consecutive dialogue lines. Others might too, never asked, but maybe try to spice Johnny’s friend animations with something other than shrug animation.
- Yeah, by the way. Baby’s friends are jerks.
- Is it a story for that Dirty Dancing contest?
- I can’t help but notice that Baby’s dad looks almost similar to Episode default character. His clothes are just the same. Maybe change him a bit? Cause now he’s kinda bland.
- I think that her conversation with dad was pretty good. Seemed realistic to me, which I highly appreciate.
- Well, she’s not a saint, but her dad is being a jerk.
- When Johnny speaks with Jade, they are spotted kinda wrong. I don’t mind if a girl is taller, but she just looks bigger. Like Johnny is 15yo or Peter Dinklage.
- The scene where Johnny rides his car. First of all, when car shifts, Johnny stays in place, you should put him moving simultaneously with the car. And second, I wouldn’t shift the car completely, because this Episode default overlay is cut. Like the car’s behind is absent. Either don’t shift it that far or find another car overlay.
- The scene in the cafe. Considering that Johnny will come to them, I would seat girls in two zones. Because you put them in one, it looks weird when Johnny is standing, because table overlay is in front of him, and also because when he sits, part of Baby is cut off. Put Baby and one girl in the 1st zone, second girl in the 2nd zone, and Johnny could stand the way overlay doesn’t stand in front of him. Then Johnny could be positioned correctly besides Baby. Cause this way you have to make all the characters kinda small to this background.
- I love how Sal can’t remember Johnny’s name
Okay. So I actually didn’t expect it, but I loved your story. Although there are several problems with directing, especially characters positions and stuff, I genuinely enjoyed the plot, and most of all fine, well-paced dialogues. There’s enough drama, characters are likable and have their own separate lives, that doesn’t revolve around partying or shopping, that is very common to see for me. I put this story into my favorites and plan on reading it.
If you decide to make changes to sound splash and car overlay, and maybe make a small intro to your story, I will be glad to help, as I’m good with the visual stuff.
Title Kingdom Keepers
Description Quinn, the newly crowned Queen of Aa’Gonn, must fight against would-be suitors, destructive adversaries, venomous assassins, and budding romance. Do you have what it takes to rule?
Main Concern Anything in general that you see wrong with the story, or needs improvement. I’m new to the interactive story concept, so making it interesting is a big concern. But the story needs all the help it can get, so have fun and PLEASE rip it apart for me!
ohhh, my cover ^^ donnow why u didn’t want to put a name on it.
Lol I never have liked my author name on any of my covers. Just a pet peeve of mine, I guess
Do like me, create your own unique fake name mine is Elzbiet Zaleski
Title: Sentimental Heartache
Description: After Arianna “coincidentally” meets Lucas, they start talking to each other more frequently. Soon enough, they realize that the more they talk, the more they fall.
Small cover: (Not uploaded on episode yet)
What is the main concern about your story?: Chapter length and also anything that needs improvement because I’m sure there’s things I can improve on.
If you get a chance sometime, I’d like to see what you think of the revamp. I tried limelight but even though there were more skin color options, the other customization choices felt more limited, so I went back to ink. I dropped the first 3 chapters altogether and started the revamp about 10 chapters in when Tara can speak well enough to be understood and my directing was more evolved. She will flash back to memories of the twins and Molly teaching her to speak. I also decided that instead of mixing present day and 20+ years ago in each episode, I’m alternating between time periods in separate episodes. Spotlight still remains in a limited capacity between characters as the dream-scape, but never to the reader. In the original version in episode 5 it was revealed that terrans communicate over great distances using the dream-scape (a void plane of existence where linked souls and minds could communicate together) which is how Tara was communicating with the reader.
PS Thanks for your tips, backgrounds, and overlays sections. I found them very helpful.
Hi! Would it be okay to ask you to review my unpublished story? If it is, should I pm you the form and the link?
Hello sweetie, I’m writing this on Cookie’s behalf as she’s currently unable to reply on here, She can review your unpublished story, if you could PM her she can do it
Will do and thank you!