Cookie's Uncensored Reviews 🔒

It’s fine. Not sure what stories you might like or if you never read them before.

I’m fine with any genre. I just look for a good plot, well-written characters and consistent directing :smiley: not much hehe

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Oh okies. There’s a few you might not read and you might like:

I Will Always Find You by Maria Story Writter
The Roses Killer by Rosenspitze
Swan: Pursuit Of Justice by Katya Azzopardi
Toxic by Erin
Dead Woman Walking by EvelinaWrites
Man Eater by Kenia

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Oh, lol, I thought u mean urs :DDD I can’t review other people’s stories, if author didn’t ask me. I will take a look anyway, since I’m out of things to read :smiley:

My bad! Man I’d be rubbish if I made my own story.

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You never know unless u try :wink:

Lol we shall see. I would have to think of some good story line and characters.

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U can check my Help thread ^^ (I have no shame)

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Hehe okie dokie

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@cc_episodewriter - Princess of Darya


In your request you mentioned that u want feedback on how to help with the reader retention. I can’t tell u anything specific, besides making your story interesting right from the first episode. I have quite a good retention, as I noticed, and that’s the thing. Make your story as good as you possibly can, in terms of directing, sure, but more importantly in terms of plot, and characters. (IMO, good characters are more important for overall impression than plot.)


1st Episode

  • I would correct the description. I’m a bitch about grammar (as much as I can, cuz I’m not a native Eng speaker). First of all water_fire_earth_wind thing - no mi gusta. Maybe you can even request a description from Help with Story Descriptions from Jadlyss? I like the second part of the description tho, cuz I’m a sucker for forbidden romances.
  • I’m a fan of when authors name their chapters.
  • Lovely introduction. One thing I can propose as a paranoid person is to make everything (meaning usual stuff, like splashes etc.) in one style.
  • I loved how u showed the earth element, animated. Maybe you can do the same with others? Cuz when u started with water and fire, it got me bored a bit, but the earth was really cool. Like sea waves, and fire burning, maybe for the wind to show like it moves leaves or smthg,
  • OK. I’m absolutely not a fan of choices if I have no idea what to choose. I just met these characters, Manzur and Darcia, so the choice here puzzles me a lot, not in a good way. I’m also one of those who appreciates choices only for MC - because I play as MC, so I shouldn’t decide for other secondary characters anything.
  • Just a suggestion, but it’s up to ur idea of course. I noticed u don’t have hair color choice in CC. Maybe it would work to make choice of a few blue tones Episode has?
  • When we see Princess of wind. That overlay, although done amazingly well, I would suggest cutting the bars, that are supposed to be behind her, to make it look a bit more realistic.
  • Check ur speechbubbles. I noticed they are positioned too low from time to time. Maybe u did it intentionally so that u don’t cover their dresses. But the problem with positioning speechbubbles too low from the head is that while I read the text, I can’t really look at their faces, and see the animation, u know.
  • The protectors’ fight scene is kinda off. Black dude is hitting a girl, and she reacts on it too slow. Check it. Their animations aren’t synchronized.
  • Hum. I’m not sure about swimming suit option since they all sorta have this fantasy outfits, which are more associable with medieval? Maybe smthg like tank top and shorts would work better? Dunno.
  • Yikes. I wouldn’t make her walk on the water Jesus-style. Maybe u can make sea overlay, and show her only walking out of it, closer to the shore? Would look much much better.
  • Weird how she saw him only being one meter away. She was walking out of the water lol :smiley:
  • Lol. Aerwyna is awkwardly funny :smiley: Btw. dunno, if u should keep her name as Princess Aerwyna. The title in name alienates reader, kinda. I think O_o
  • First episode length is good enough for me. Sets straight the main idea of the plot introduces to the story universe, and the main character, plus good ending.

2nd Episode

  • When Sarid tells PA (princess Aerwyna for short) about him, u put identical animation for a couple of consecutive dialogue lines. Not a fan. Mingle them a bit.
  • Nonono. I hate that female voice sounds :DDD dunno if I’m the only one, but they give me creeps. And also they kill the voice I imagined in my head for the MC.
  • OK. So I noticed that sometimes u use “storyteller” narration, and sometimes MC narration. I would pick something one def. If u want to add MC’s thoughts, I would put them in thought speechbubbles, not as a narration. I don’t mind seeing “storyteller” narrator in fantasy stories, but keep it one, not various.
  • Nooo. Don’t make them kiss so fast please X_X
  • And here again, Sarid narration.
  • Noooo. C’mon u don’t just see all the qualities Sarid described in someone’s eyes. I want to see MC demonstrating those qualities, not just being said by someone. And I don’t believe in this immediate-took-around-20-minutes-fall-in-love thing.
  • Cool evening to night transition.
  • Be careful when choosing a walk to spot commands. When PA was leaving the beach, the way u picked spot makes her kinda walk over Sarid’s knees. If she is layered in front of him, so she must be closer to the screen, so she could be scaled a bit bigger, and also her feet would be positioned lower then Sarid’s. I saw this thing more times, Pay attention.
  • Sarid is calling her, then runs, she is startled, but she stays in this frozen pose, which looks weird. I suggest to make her startled, then when he stops running, make PA face him with other animation.
  • I wouldn’t pick exit command for PA when she initially was placed with the spot command.
  • When she runs to the castle. Why run animation, not walk_rear? Well, either way, u can just cut this piece out, it’s not really necessary, since we see her moving quietly in the castle, so we know she’s trying to be subtle.
  • Again. U have this tendency to put one type of animation for a few consecutive dialogue lines. It makes it all look blander.
  • Outfit choices. Make them start from capital letters. It will look better tbh.
  • I suggest using transit animation when u make characters get up from sit positions. It just looks better.

3rd Episode

  • Um. When PA walks to the protectors, u make her walk on the left, while facing right. It would make more sense to make her walk on the right from the beginning. That dude, who made introduction could’ve left already btw, on the left.
  • Dude, that cage overlay in the first chapter was so good, but the carriage is kinda off in this chapter. It’s a shame really. Such a good scene, positioning and all, but the carriage. Don’t wanna offend anyone. If u decide to redo it, u can ask me.
  • When carriage leaves the screen, characters aren’t really synchronized with it. The point of moving smoothly - u must move characters forward adding the number that us the difference btwn carriage initial spot vs end spot.
  • Next scene. First of all to make the beginning of the scene smoother put characters animations with the starts command, not with is, and do it before paning to the right zone. Secondly, u put the zoom on characters with like 3-4 seconds, n while that they just sit looking awkwardly. Not a fan personally. Try instant zoom maybe? Same with the next scene. MC sits with the normal animation, and only when u zoom on her she starts being awkward. There is no awkward sitting animation I think,but u can put sit serious animation,before zooming,if u really wanna make the zoom go slowly.

Overall.
So mainly I have issues with the lack of smooth directing from time to time. I mentioned everything above so fix it if u feel like it. I would def fix speechbubbles, that are positioned so low, that I can’t see character animation with my side sight u know. So I miss basically this part.
Dialogues are good, lore as well. I didn’t quite like how fast mc and li fell fr each other, but I guess u need it for further conflict of interest, and since it’s basically a fairytale I can live with it.
I would really try to make directing smoother. I don’t say it’s bad now, not at all. It is quite advanced. But the way u made directing gives this story-dragging feeling, that might turn off some people. I feel like it could be more dynamic. The rest is very good.

3 Likes

hi thank you for your feedback! it is very through i appreciate the effort. I will certainly be fixing all these issues…

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@MKiara - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun


1st Episode

  • I don’t understand why so many people have their splashes cut a bit from the top O_o.
  • Check your coding in the scene with MC in her bed, cuz MC and overlay appear later.
  • I don’t think u added all the available nose shapes. Also, why we aren’t allowed to choose face/lip/eye shape? Guess we’ll c.
  • That thing with overlays, when they appear later in the scene, you have with other scenes as well, like in the train.
  • I really don’t see a point in that music choice tbh. Seems like a filler.
  • Check your punctuation. Don’t think I saw grammar mistakes (not that I’m pro in this, but anyway), but I saw a lot of missing commas, and points.
  • Ms. Reddy is sooo pretty. I tried to make a character with this hairstyle a couple of times, but they all turned out to be ugly :smiley:
  • Btw. I’d advise placing girls a bit lower in their sits. Now it seems like they are standing.
  • RoseThorne? I think u missed space here. Plus “Exceptional”, not “Execptional”.
  • Try to make some action going while the narrator is narrating. When Kiara (narrator) talks about Sister Jacobs, Kiara just stands with a weird-frozen face. U can simply place some animations for her, to avoid being this part of the scene so static.
  • I also always say, avoid using the same animation numerous times consecutively. It’s kinda lazy.
  • Oooh. Student-teacher plot? Dude is hot.
  • Samantha when talking about a new teacher. U didn’t out animation before every dialogue line.
  • Um. There it is again, WolfHill. Either write the words separately or leave it as Wolfhill. This thing awakens my inner grammar nazi.
  • At first, I kinda liked ur approach when u narrated character basic descriptions. But you do it all - put narration, not like 1-2 short sentences but a lot of it, and characters are left standing frozen in their last animation. I would reconsider the approach. Maybe you cut remove narration, but make principal say it?
  • I noticed that sometimes you kinda overplay with zooms. Like, you zoom on principal, then u zoom again, but with the tiniest difference. Check it, as it’s not the first time I see it, and it kinda buggers me.
  • I really want u to put characters behind girls (u’ll need the overlay for this). This scene is quite long, so some background movement would make it better.
  • I like Samantha. She seems to be the most chill and grounded :smiley:
  • Not sure I ever read the slice-of-life type of story on Episode, but I don’t mind if it’s entertaining.

2nd Episode

  • I find this customization weird :DDD I can get hairstyle, lip color, and eyebrow choice. But the rest is weird. Not sure about ur train of thought here.
  • “You’re phone”. Girl, do a serious grammar check, or better find a proofreader.
  • I hate when writers put one animation for a few consecutive lines, but I double hate when it’s talk_armscrossed_shrug_neutral, cuz every time character crosses arms, then they are back, and so on. It’s about that random guy scene, and a phone,
  • I’m weirded by ur choice of zoom from time to time. Girls are running from the bushes, u zoom on their legs when they stop u zoom on all of them. Too much zoom. Never thought I’d say it,
  • Check the scene after Kiara comes back. Her walking to the seat is kinda weird, like she is walking on the table (almost well). And overall, the scene before that with Ms. Reedy (?) coming in ended kinda abruptly, I thought that when u showed girls again, it is still the same scene. Maybe put a longer transition? And add a frame with Kiara’s face, or maybe even one dialogue line. It’s a bit confusing.
  • The dude eyerolls so much it hurts :smiley:
  • Btw, sometimes u also zoom in a way that u get ur characters cut a bit.
  • When Willow says “I thought you didn’t date people…” Samantha is still on looped animation and her hands are moving… Maybe put her on shiftweight or some idle animation.
  • Same things with guys taking their seats. They are spotted too high when walking to their spot. Yes, to make transit to seat animation work, u’ll have to put one more spot command for it, but otherwise it looks really weird.
  • When random girls drool over that guy (in green), standing girl is way too high. Just take a look at the desk. Normally if u stand besides the table, its edge is around ur waistline. Here we see her knees on that level.
  • A bit weird that Kiara has her bag on, when gardening. Maybe make another outfit without the bag?
  • Your my responsibility”.

Overall.

OK, so overall I actually enjoyed the story. Characters are all different, and pretty likable. As I said I loved Samantha, she’s my kind of girl, Kiara is awkwardly cute. Don’t know much about Asian girl (sry, I’m bad with names, and hers is kinda complicated for my Slavic brain), so I think we will know more about her in next chapters. Willow is always angry :smiley: Dunno. I can only advise not to go too extreme with her angry personality. Angry guy (I’m sorry, there is a lot of unusual names in ur story :smiley: ). He gives me serious Hardin Scott (from “After”) vibes, guess cuz of all the story with father-step brother thing, and well, cuz he is so mean. I advise to slow down with eyeroll animations, there are too many of them IMO.
Directing is good overall. I mentioned some things I think are worth fixing, so if you need overlays for them, or directing advise, feel free to DM me.
And totally find a proofreader. Many punctuation mistakes, and also quite some grammar ones. You can totally check my Help Thread, as there is a lot of useful directing information, as well as some useful links to great threads, including proofreading.
I added this story to my favorites, and also to My Favorite Reviewed Stories tab in the original post, and in my Episode profile, so I hope you will fix these things I mentioned. Keep up the good work.

2 Likes

Hey! Can I just say your reviews are so detailed and helpful I was so
This review means so much to me really :see_no_evil:
I would love some help with my directing and overlays!! I would love to DM you for those! Your story has really good directing and overlays are on point!!

**the CC thing,**

so I thought I had the facial changes in there and when I posted the chapter I only then just realized it. I’m still looking for a template that has those things cause that cc bothers me so much too >.<

1 and 2 episodes"
  • Punctuation will be the death of me. My Grammarly doesn’t work on the app so I have to check it manually and I miss a lot.
  • I will definitely be fixing those animations
    *I’m not sure what you meant with the narrator character basic descriptions, I would love if you would elaborate about it because I was not sure about it either.
    *Student teacher plot- YES love them but I’m hoping you’ll like how mine turns out :sweat_smile::joy:
    *Lol Idk y I never thought about doing an overlay for the auditorium because I tried to put girls behind them but it looked terrible.
    *I will definitely fix those animations for characters
Overall

*I’m so glad you loved Samantha and I will definitely try to show more sides of Willow then just her angry one.
*I’m so glad the names stood out to you No worries I know they’re hard to remember or understand.
*I never saw “After” and now I am very intrigued :open_mouth:
*I will definitely be DM you! Thank you :grin:

I will definitely be fixing these mistakes!!
I’m really so honored you enjoyed my story despite the mistakes. Thanks so much for the helpful advice and reviewing my story!

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Yeah, u may :DDDD I love being praised ^^ :rofl:
Just DM with all the questions u have and I’ll see what I can do. I can help with CC template as well.

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Girl I could go all day with the praises!!
And I will definitely get my questions organized and message you them! :heart_eyes::heart_eyes:

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Anyone who follows. I will be accepting Adventurous contest entries, out of queue.

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Adventurous: Watch me Fly
CeCe Marie
Marie has just turned 18 years old, when presented with the chance to go on a 3 day group trip to the hot air balloon festival, she immediately joins. But she is stuck going with her 6 year old sister, what adventures will they encounter? All is not as it seems…

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Title: Blacksmiths Boarding School
Author: Jessica Olson
Description: Young Caroline has suffered unimaginable loss. Will Dylan help bring her out of this sadness or push her in deeper?
Small cover: Blacksmiths_Boarding_School_posterThumb_YGDlBC63E2
What is the main concern about your story?: To help me improve my story and get someone elses opinion :smiley: thank you!

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Not sure if this is the same forum but let’s try, (Deleted first post)
Title Growing Pains
Author epy_jaz
Description The life of Jacalyn Tate. Can you help her stay afloat, or will you help her drown.
Small cover


What is the main concern about your story? If it’s good enough.

It’s not the small cover :slight_smile: Do u cave cover at all?