Is there a link to the original post? Any review is helpful, I have gotten negative feedback before and it helped a lot.
original post means the post made by me at the very top of this thread.
I have edited my previous submission.
hey just wanna tell i am kinda done with chapter two .so when you do the review you can read that too. if you want
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@episode.lara - Oceanās 5
1st Episode
- In regards to the description, I have to say that I love stories where a bunch of strangers comes to work on the common goal.
- Aaaand authorās introduction
IMO, I donāt think there is a need for it. Just put in the narration box, that there is no customization. Thatās itā¦ - Your sound splash is a bit squeezed. A tiny bit of upper part is missing. Probably cause background was sized wrong.
- I noticed that you put the blank space as the character name before we get to know his name. This is the most detail-attentive thing I ever saw
- Very nice exposition of Sawyer guy and the other one. Directing, spot commands, overlays. At this point, I wait a lot from this story.
- This is a good characterās introduction, really. What I can suggest for making it superb is to create exposition scenes for Sawyer narration, like itās done in Suicide Squad movie for example (just in case you havenāt seen it, I will post a video below). This will make the whole scene look even better.
- On-camera animations spotted in first Asher scene.
- When Cora is walking towards the door with rear-walking, sheās facing the wrong direction.
- Now that was fun Asher and Cora thing.
- Nicely done fighting scene
- Although it was weird how their positions changed when they were put to sleep. They were positioned vertically, and when u put sleep animation they suddenly change their positions to horizontal. What I suggest is to change zoom. Like when they fight (the last fight part) you make it look like weāre watching from above. Reset, or almost reset zoom, so that roof is a bit visible. Like weāre watching from the side now.
- Nice work with zoom
- When thereās a Jacob scene, with the house and explosion. When u start with the house background, there is some glitch with it. I see the background for like half a second before the transition begins. It can happen if you put characters beforehand, and especially if u put animations/layer for them. Put these commands after the transition command.
- Dynamic dialogues, spiced with humor, and not dragging for too long. Well done.
- That thing with darts is really well done. Although I would make overlays shifting faster, like 0.3 seconds or smthg.
- Now when Cora wakes up, this is the right moment to use on-camera animations
- I have a thing with overlays. I hate when they have that white pixel-lining around them. It just bugs me a lot, canāt help it
- While I enjoy a lot Cora and her reading skills, I would really like to see her justifying it more. Like explaining, why she assumed information about other characters, in Sherlock-Holmes style. It is more complicated but would make her a lot more interesting to watch.
- OK, I assumed it too fast. You actually do it with the rest of the characters. Except for white-haired dude. I just want to know how she understood it about him But good job.
Overall on 1st episode.
Really well done.
I didnāt like it just because I enjoy this plot type, but because everything is more than decent. Dialogues are dynamic, funny and entertaining. You didnāt give away too much information on characters. Exposition is well done, work with overlays, zoomā¦Basically everything. Although Iām not a native speaker, my language knowledge is decent enough (jeez I hope so, but feel free to tell me if Iām just in delusion @CrazyCaliope :D) so I notice some basic mistakes. I donāt know if you are a native speaker, or if there were any grammar mistakes, but I didnāt see anything.
And what could improve your already awesome story are a few things, well from my point of view. Few things with directing that I mentioned, adding exposition to characters introduction by Sawyer, and getting rid of the white lining on overlays (I can help with this if you are interested).
2nd Episode
- Now that Iām on the 2nd episode. Why Oceanās 5? Did I miss something?
- Well, that is one good necklaceās description. I love this non-excessive explanatory approach, makes the story seem more realistic.
- Wait. So each of them receives 50 million, that makes it only 50 left for Maxwell. Suspiciously not greedy.
- Cora is not so intimidating in a onesie
- I just noticed that you donāt have any choices in the first episode. It doesnāt really bother me, because the story is interesting enough. Kinda like Iām watching a movie.
- When Cora shows up all dressed up, there is a mistake in boys layers. Asher layer is in front of the white-haired guy (I think), so when w/h dude moves his hands, they are behind Asher. Check it.
- Same in the club. When Asher and Cora stand and chat, the dancing dude behind them is layered in front.
- Please, donāt tell me that that creep drugged Cora X_X
- How is she a deadly assassin, and donāt know when to stop drinking
- I thought that someone of these 4 guys will save Cora, not a new character. Interesting
- Why is it with everyone calling her love?
I finished the 2nd episode, and Iāll stop right here.
I loved it. Well done story and I will put it in my favorites.
There were a couple of problems with character layering, but you can fix it. I didnāt really like how everyone drools over Cora, but I can live with that. Hope you will continue
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HAHAHA! If I didnāt already know better, I would never have guessed that you werenāt a native English speaker. Your English is pretty-darn-perfect and much better than many native English speakers I know! 
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owwwwā¦ That wasā¦ :DDD
Thanks.
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Gotta say, lowkey been stalking this thread. I like reading it, its fun 
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Hehe thanks 
Feel free to request review, if u have a story. Review trade
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No, Jared Padalecki will always be Dean to me! (Gilmore Girls reference)
Oh, and youāre welcome!
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Never saw. Iām Supernatural-fan for life ^^
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Jesus Christ girl thank you! You wrote so much i literally cant 
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Welp, hope it was useful.
Why Oceanās 5 tho?
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Instantly stops talking to you and going to cry loudly in the corner. 
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Lol honestly idk. Itās five of them and it sounded good. There are also movies from which I got inspired for heist theme
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It would make sense if Maxwellās surname was Ocean Suggestion
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Thanks for suggestion. it sounds good. iāll consider it
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Title: Back to back
Author: Hamnah.episode
Description:Youāre the baddest spy and so is he. But what will you do when he finds out your identity. Be careful going on missions is dangerous and so is love. But you can Handle it. (CC, CM)
Small cover:
What is the main concern about your story?
i just want to know how I can improve ect.