Could someone read my first two episodes?

Hey all! So I just finished my second episode and I was wondering if one of you would be willing to read both of them and give me some input or tell me about a glitch or maybe a misspelling that you might’ve found!
I would recommend reading through both as there is choice branching in both of the episodes that carry through!
Thank you to whoever takes the time to do this!


I’d love to! If I have any feedback I’ll let you know!

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Hey!! So I read through it and found no mistakes, the directing is great and really can’t wait to read the story once it’s put out cuz I really enjoyed it!! :blush:

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I be happy to but I can be a bit harsh in reviews.

Awesome, thank you!

Thank you so much!

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That’s fine! Any insight I can get would be great and I’d like to know what I can improve on!

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I have to say this is such a gripping story!! So unique and it flows really well.

There is only one point I would make but you don’t have to take it. I would still read it.

At the beginning of episode 1 there is a dressing game. And you have it going back and forth the clothing too much in my opinion. This makes it hard for me to remember the last outfit and it takes longer to view all the of them. I’m not saying do less outfits. Here is what you show:

Viewer makes the choice

Mc then changes into the chosen outfit

Then when the viewing chooses to look at other outfits mc changes back into pjs this is the part that I think is unnecessary.

Alright, thank you so much! I’ll definitely change that! :sweat_smile:
Thanks again for taking the time! :blob_hearts:

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Could you tell me when it’s out! I’d love to read it!!

Of course! Thank you so much again!

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