Could someone review the start of my chapter?

I just wanna know if what i’ve written/coded is good enough.


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I can take a look at it <3

Thank you!! Let me know what to improve :heart:

Also only the female storyline works as i haven’t coded the male part yet :heart:

Here are my comments.

The intro is amazing, but you should include a content warning for flashing lights before the flashing lights take place.

“If you are sensitive, please leave” I would change this to something like “If you can not handle horror stories, this story isn’t for you” It’s sounds a lot more appropriate.

Other than that, the story seems interesting. I do hope you will add more content to episode 1 because it was on the shorter side. The read felt like 2 minutes.

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Yeah I read the female one, I really liked the intro. Something that can be a little annoying for someone (like me) who looks a lot on the details is the looping background that is moving from left to right making the girl look like she’s running backwards. (Doesn’t really matter, just something I noticed :laughing: )
But other than that it was all really great.


I don’t think she’s done with it yet. :heart:

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I figured which is why I said “I do hope”

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Thank you, i will change the sensitive thing i just didn’t know what to write and that was at the top of my head :joy::heart:

Thank you, and yeh i hate looping backgrounds when the character is running because it looks odd but i didn’t know how else to make it look like she was running :joy::heart:

I think that you should add a warning and a few seconds before the flashing lights. You should leave the reader a few seconds to exit the story if the flashing lights trigger them.

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Thank you, i will add that. :heart:

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If you wanna change it you can create an overlay of the background and then having it on loop, or make her face the other way. But only if it bothers you <3

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I’m going to try the overlay thing when i get to my laptop. It does bother me but i has no idea that there was another way so thank you :purple_heart:

No problem <3

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