Faultless Review
First Impression:
4/5
•Love the cover! It is so beautifully drawn!
•Your summary is great! It makes me wonder what kind of offer she got which interested me more into reading the story. But it was a bit off-putting that there were grammatical errors in the summary. Let me show you what needs to be corrected.
ORIGINAL: City Wright is a privilege girl attending Diamond Heights University, one of the most prestigious schools in Chicago. What happens when she gets an offer she cant refuse?
WHAT IT SHOULD BE: City Wright is a privileged girl attending Diamond Heights University, one of the most prestigious schools in Chicago. What happens when she gets an offer she can’t refuse?
•That intro is short and mysterious! It intrigues me a lot. And wow, nice text effects! It drew me more into the story.
•Omg I’ll be honest. But the start of the chapter sounded like a commercial for Diamond Heights University. Lol.
•I expected golf to be in this tbh, lol. Btw when it said horseback riding I got kinda OA. I kinda wish you put equestrian or equestrianism instead. But eh.
Creativity:
4/5
•Again, cover is really beautifully drawn.
•Great use of overlays like the texts at the start! You even had your own backgrounds!
•The sound warning splash is so elegant. :0
•I feel like some music didn’t fit the setting of the event. Like when City was in a basement with the two girls which of one had a gun, happy music played. To capture the mood more, you can play suspenseful music or just less happy music during that part. Make sure the music matches the event’s setting and mood!
•Nice use of filters!
•Art scenes?! So beautiful!
Length:
4/5
•The chapters are kind of short but not too short. It’s so-so length.
Grammar:
2/5
•You tend to forgot a period at the end of a sentence. So just proofread your story and check if there is a period at the end of each sentences that should be finished in one bubble.
•Commas have a different use from colons. I feel like you sometimes replaced colons with commas. Here is an example:
“Being that this is a school for the rich, we have some extra activities.”(yeah put the period at the end) “This of course include, sailing, tennis, and don’t forget Horse Back riding.” The last sentence should be: “This of course include: sailing, tennis, and don’t forget horseback riding.”
•In other cases, you also forget commas in sentences. Such as:
“My mom Michelle was a smart and brilliant small town girl from Oregon.” which should be “My mom, Michelle, was a smart and brilliant small town girl from Oregon.”
“And there is my cute sister Adrian.” should be “And there is my cute sister, Adrian.”
•You also have some capitalisation errors such as:
“This is where i’ll be attending.” which should be “This is where I’ll be attending.”
“I miss when she wasn’t such a Bi-“ should be “I miss when she wasn’t such a bi-“
“Whatever, You can’t make me go.” should be “Whatever, you can’t make me go.”
•Don’t forget when to use apostrophes. I noticed when some were missing, such as:
“Years went by. My fathers company skyrocketed and is one of the biggest businesses in the world.” which should be “Years went by. My father’s company skyrocketed and is one of the biggest businesses in the world.”
“Whats his name??” should be “What’s his name?”
•You also forget some articles in sentences such as:
“You’re probably wondering why my beautiful face is scrunched up like mad old lady.” which should be “You’re probably wondering why my beautiful face is scrunched up like a mad old lady.”
•There was also many grammatical errors in your sentences, such as:
“Well, lemme starts all the way in the beginning.” which should be “Well, lemme start all the way from the beginning.”
“But, there is other universities in Chicago.” should be “But, there are other universities in Chicago.” since it is pertaining to multiple universities and not just one.
“And my stuck-up sister got famous and left me in here shadow.” should be “And my stuck-up sister got famous and left me in her shadow.”
•When addressing names with formalities like, Mr. Steven or Mrs. Wright, the names shouldn’t be connected to the period. There should be a space after. I noticed that in some sentences they were connected.
•Some of your sentences are a question but you end up using a period at the end. Remember to use a question mark!
•There are many more errors but I decided to list a few. I suggest you proofread or get a beta reader for your story.
•I can still understand the message of the sentences so it is not too major.
Directing:
6/10
•Right at the start, I noticed something off. When it showed the green background I already saw the text and it quickly disappeared then faded in after a few seconds. To avoid this, I suggest using the & command so that it looks cleaner.
•The transition from the warning screen to the city was a bit too fast. To make it smoother, I suggest you use the different transitions instead of cutting to the next background immediately to give it a cleaner look.
•Sometimes the tails of the dialogue bubbles are not pointed towards the head of the character. Like when City was in the garden the tail was pointing at the tree instead of her head.
•Sometimes the tails of a character are pointed to the wrong character. Like when City was asking questions, her thought bubble tail was pointed at Hex.
•Some animations are not in sync. Like when City kicks Zain in the crotch it only showed Zain getting hit when City was running past him. You can avoid delayed animations by using the and or & command.
•After a character is done with their dialogue, their animation is stuck on the end of those animations because it is not on loop. Then the other character talks. It looks kind of weird so I suggest while the other character talks, the other has an animation as a reaction to their dialogue so that it doesn’t look stagnant.
•When emphasizing walking I suggest you use the walk animations instead of other animations. Like when she was going to the garden, it would’ve looked cleaner if she walked then looked around instead of looking around as the walking animation.
•After talking animations, sometimes the characters are still stuck on those talking animations when they are not talking like in the second chapter when City meets up with Zain.
•It was a bit off-putting when Zain said he liked City with her hair down. But if you choose to style your hair you only give the tied up options? You could code it so that when they choose to style it those ways he’ll have a different dialogue.
•When she was walking in rear in the dumpsters she was facing the wrong way. Correct me if I’m wrong but if you want a rear character to face right you have to put face left? I haven’t scripted rear animations in a long time.
•I still saw City’s hand holding the gun during the art scene at the left lol.
•Spot directing is clean. Good job!
Characters:
9/10
•Nice! Diverse set of characters!
•I love City so much tbh. I really love MCs who are badass and can stand up for themselves. She’s a well-written character. Good job!
•Is it bad that I kind of like City’s sister? Not her dad tho, lol.
•You didn’t use stock characters but I saw that some background characters wore their stock clothing… it’s minor but it was kind of off-putting.
•Realistic characters! None were a Mary Sue or Gary Stu nor were none overly weird or mean. Also, Tony is so possessive tbh. I hate him, lol. He reminds me of someone, I’m glad I got them out of my life.
Plot:
7/10
•The plot is good. But if I’m being honest, there’s nothing that really kept me hanging at the edge of my seat, you know what I mean? Since it’s kind of a spy story, you want to make sure your readers are both anxious and excited to see what would happen next.
•I love the humor! Zain is hilarious!
•I was kind of looking for a buildup. But in the first few minutes of the chapter she already got beaten up, lol. The plot kind of escalated quickly and there needed to be more context.
•I see this plot a lot, actually, where you are invited to a group and have to solve things. You’re executing it well currently, BUT, you need to make sure it stands out from the rest of the stories with similar plots out there. What makes this plot different from the other ones? What makes it stand out? Give me something I wasn’t expecting!
Overall Score:
36/50
Final Notes:
•I think what you really need improvement in is grammar.
•Tony is such a jerk i hate him zzmmz
•The art scenes are so beautiful, did you do them yourself? ;o if you did, you’re mega talented!
•i may have criticised a lot of things but pls dont let that bring you down! Your story has lots of room for improvement and ik you can improve it to be better than you expect!
•Keep on writing!
that’s something i’ve been trying to fix in my most recent chapters 
