Crest’s Brutally Honest Reviews (CLOSED)

This is my story😊Chaos%20cover

Story name : CHAOS

Author name : RJ_GSB

Genre : Romance

Episodes : 6(more to come)

Summary : Blaze Norman, a cold and ruthless CEO of Norman enterprises has decided to take Ava Carter as his bride.Not in heavens was going to stop him.

Style : limelight

Link:

1 Like

Back from vacay! Just editing the reviews in case changes were made. :slight_smile:

The exes’ beach house

by @JadeBeckson

The exes’ beach house Review

First Impression:

2/5

•Your cover is simplistic but I love it! I would definitely click on it if I saw it?

•The summary may bore the audience. I myself wouldn’t be bored by it because I am a huge fan of gameshow stories, but I could see how others would see it as boring. Make your summary exciting! Make your summary have the audience excited to read your story! Don’t just say we are going to join a TV program with lots of drama, tell us what other else to expect in that TV program! Also, don’t just say that you can choose your final love interest, because literally almost every story in Episode you can do that, so it shouldn’t really be said in the summary.

I’ll try to revise your summary so that it sounds better. How about this?

ORIGINAL: You will join a TV program… It will be a vacation filled with EXtreme drama. You’ll guide your character through the story and the final love interest choice. LGBT choices

REVISED: Being part of a vacation TV show filled with a bunch of singles and exes was the last thing you expected to be in. Amidst all the drama, scandals, and lies, will you find true love? (LGBT)

But I suck at summaries so you shouldn’t really take my word for it. But yeah…

•Yikes, no splashes? :frowning:

•Wait, hold up. So my character just won, just like that? Honestly, that was really anti-climatic. To make it better, I suggest adding more build-up and context to it. It was also really out of no where. What are the motives behind her joining it? For money? Fame? Love?

Creativity:

2/5

•Cover is good!

•Again, for warnings, I suggest adding splashes instead of just using narration bubbles.

•No music? Tbh, the events feel really bland without the music.

•At least you have a few sound FX…

•No overlays? I feel like some scenes would’ve been better with them.

Length:

4/5

•The chapters are really long, but better long than short.

Grammar:

1/5

•You forgot lots of periods at the end of sentences, so just make sure to proofread your story to check those.

•You forgot lots of commas for pauses, such as:

“I love you too baby” which should be “I love you too, baby.”

“Well well well let’s just enjoy the drink, shall we?” should be “Well, well, well. Let’s just enjoy the drink shall we?”

•I noticed many spelling errors, such as:

“Hun, why would you brake with him for such a dumb reason if you love him?” the word in bold should be break.

“I really don’t think I should bore you with none sense information, I will just introduce you to the character you’ll be playing” which the bold font words should be nonsense, also, add a period.

“I brought lots of baithing suits, duh” which the bold font should be bathing, and again, add a period.

•I also noticed verb tense errors, such as:

“You can chose the type of person you want to be, based on choices, but your past is that you’ve been pretty much a whore in high school”, the word in bold should be choose, and again, add a period.

“I go meet up with Santi, go talk to mama boss” should be “I *gotta go meet up with Santi, go talk to mama boss.”

•You forgot apostrophes in some dialogues, such as:

“Well, lets start our adventure together”, lets should be let’s. And again, add an exclamation point.

“If there’s one thing your dads sudden death taught me, its that you need to enjoy every moment of your life.” should be “If there’s one thing your dad**’s** sudden death taught me, it’s that you need to enjoy every moment of your life.”

“Caotic… Lets just say I know something you guys will find out tomorrow”, the bold should be let’s and also Caotic should be **Chaotic. And again, add a period.

•You also forget some words in dialogues such as:

“Wow… that weird vacation contests I applied to a while ago just told me I’m the winner! I can’t wait to tell mom and Allison” add the word I put in bold and also, add an exclamation point…

•There are way more and I feel like you should get a beta reader if English isn’t your main language or you could just proofread.

Directing:

4/10

•Right at the start, I noticed that after the CC, it cut right away to the scene. To make things look smoother, I suggest using transitions.

•While one character is talking, the other character is stuck at the end of their previous animation or stuck on loop when they aren’t talking anymore. To make it look better, I suggest that they do idle actions as reactions to what the other character is saying.

•When characters are having thought bubbles, don’t use a talking animation.

•Some characters don’t have a talk animation when talking…

•When the MC hugged her mom, the layering was wrong because the MC was of a higher layer. Also, the mom didn’t hug her back and she was just rear. Also, their spot directing while hugging is off.

•Oh my God, I can’t check the outfits? Whyyy? When you make outfit choices or dressing games, you should use labels and gotos. So for example, you can label the dressing game as dressing_game. It should be something like this:

label dressing_game

MC

“What should I wear?”

choice “Outfit 1”{

@MC changes into Outfit 1

}”Outfit 2”{

@MC changes into Outfit 2

}”Outfit 3”{

@MC changes into Outfit 3

}

MC

“Should I wear this?”

choice “This is perfect!”{

goto story_continuation

}”Nope, this isn’t it.”{

goto dressing_game

}

•The tails of dialogue is pointing the wrong way sometimes. Here are some examples:

Chapter 1: When the MC was thinking when it was zoomed in on Gabriel, the tail of the dialogue was pointing at Gabriel.

Chapter 2: When the MC was talking to Maddie, at the start, it wasn’t pointing at her.

Chapter 3: When the MC was talking with Ashley, the speechbubbles were too high.

There are more but I decided to point just a few out.

•Ashley was drinking from nothing, lol. Also Matt.

•Characters don’t talk when talking sometimes. There’s a lot so you should just check dialogues which have no animations or none on loops and such.

•When Travis walked in, he was layered too low. He should be layered higher. Also, he was scaled too big.

•When they were in the grass (near the beach house) they were spot directed too high.

•When Travis walked in, he was layered too low. He should be layered higher. Also, he was scaled too big.

•When they were in the grass (near the beach house) they were spot directed too high. (Chapter 1)

•During the party scene, they were spot directed too high again making it look like they are stepping at the table and flying. (Chapter 1 & 2) This also happens when they are gathered in the same room.

•When Travis and the MC walk to the bedroom, Matt is layered too high.

•When MC and Maddie are talking, they should already be spot directed in the couch and such so that it looks cleaner rather than them just appearing.

•When Maddie is sleeping on the couch, she’s spot directed a bit too high.

•In the pool, Matt and Maddie appeared late.

•Michelle wasn’t wearing anything under the jacket when they entered the restaurant.

•When Ashley was supposedly reading a book, she was holding a stack of books instead. Maybe change the prop you’re using.

•When they were exiting the room where Ashley was almost crying, they were scaled way too big.

•Oh? There’s a dressing game now…

•In the soccer scene, the MC is just running on the same place.

•When Gabriel and Matt were walking back in the boat, Matt was scaled too big.

•After they were done skinny-dipping, Gabriel and the MC look like they are flying.

•When you choose to kiss Maddie, the spot directing is off and it looks like she’s kissing the air.

•Lol, Alfredo was moonwalking. You should make him face the other way to make it look more realistic.

•When Gabriel was leaving, his layering was changed a lot which made it kinda confusing.

•I chose to dance with Maddie, and Maddie was not dancing back, she was just rear. There’s also a talk while dancing animation, so you should use that.,

•I really appreciate how choices matter and can affect the outcome of your experience! Good job on that!

Characters:

5/10

•I’m honestly really confused by the characters. One second, Allison is kind of mad at the MC, the other, she is not. One second, the MC was mad at the mom, the other, she cried. Then boom, all was forgiven by the once mad mom… um… what…

•Gabriel is really perverted. Like what the hell. When he was talking to Ashley, he said he’d prefer her not wearing anything at all. And no one even reacted on that?! That’s really unrealistic, they should either be disgusted or delighted… hopefully disgusted because that’s gross. Also the other characters are kind of this way. :frowning:

•Most characters are almost all the same but just kind of recycled. Most of them pretty much just want s*x for the hell of it. The only characters I pretty much liked are probably Maddie and slightly Ashley.

•I feel like most of the men in the story are objectifying women… it gives a bad look to the portrayal of men.

•None of the characters made me feel attached to them. As a writer, you should make sure that your readers feel attached to the characters in your story.

Plot:

5/10

•I love the concept, honestly! It sounds really fun to do. You could’ve probably executed it better though.

•I feel like a main part of this story is revolving around s*x. And it disturbs me a lot, maybe more to other readers. Why would a TV show ask the contestants to sleep with the opposite gender that night? Also the fact that the contestants slept with more than 10 people… that’s just messed up, honestly.

•The fact that they do lots of sexual touching and describe lots of them in the story is really disturbing. That’s just gross. You should add a warning about that at the start of your story.

•Even if I kissed Travis and I said I would’ve done it anyways, that does not mean I want to sleep with him. To make it more realistic, please let there be a choice.

•The scenes start abruptly and end abruptly, it kind of messes up the flow of the story. You should add more context to them.

•I suggest for there to be something more than just the vacation show. Like give me something I won’t expect! Keep me hanging on the edge of my seat, making me anxious to read more!

Overall Score:

23/50

Final Notes:

•Wait? No scene in the airplane? Just narration? Yikes

•Yay gabriel got eliminated that douche can go die and- ok ill stop

•I honestly enjoyed reading it

•I hope you don’t let my criticism bring you down because of the low score, instead, I hope it brings you up. I see lots of potential in your story, and I honestly really love its concept. I know you posted in the thread on how you’re sad that nobody is reading your story, but I want you to know that it takes small steps after the other to achieve what you aspire for. That is what this review is for after all, to improve your story. I know you’ll get there someday, as long as you keep on improving, you’ll be the writer you aspire to be.

•If you ever need help and such, I’ll always be here to support you sis! I will also continue reading it to see how you improve :slight_smile:

•Keep on writing!

Thank you for requesting! Keep on writing!

Layla’s Life

by @KittyKoala

Layla’s Life Review

First Impression:

2/5

•Idk how I feel abt the title honestly, lol. It’s okay but… not really something that catches my eye.

•The cover isn’t something that would really catch my eye. It is like most of the covers I see on Episode where the MC and the love interests are all standing in the cover. Make the cover something that would make people’s head turns! Make the cover something people would be excited for!

•The summary is cliche. Make it stand out from the other similar summaries out there to grab the attention of the readers more!

•The intro is okay, but not really something that’d draw me in, you know? Start with a bang!

•Omg when they left Cali tho. :rofl: Sorry, not sorry, Cali!

Creativity:

2/5

•Again, cover could’ve been more.

•No splashes? It would have been more appealing if you were to use splashes instead of the given warning splash by Episode.

•Aw… no sound…? They could be really useful in painting the mood of the story.

•I could see lots of scenes where overlays would be heavily useful. Maybe use more overlays? :wink:

Length:

5/5

•Perfect length. Not too long, not too short.

Grammar:

2/5

•Regarding punctuation, you missed lots of commas. A lot. Here’s a few examples. I’ll use a parantheses on what you’re supposed to add!

“Okay, okay(,) but you know how hard she finds losing”

“Damn(,) you walk fast.”

“Plus(,) it would be good to get a feel for the humping monkey poeple before I start school with them.”

•There were a few apostrophe problems as well. Such as (I will put an asterisk on what you have to remove, and bold/parantheses on what you should add.):

“That’s a lady(‘)s drink, son.”

“Do you expect me to believe that’s how your Father*’s* raised you?”

“I think your Mom*’s* is here.”

•There were dialogues I couldn’t comprehend at all… like these:

•When Layla says, “Are you implying that I’m sane?”, she looked mad. I’m pretty sure that’d be a good thing, I think you meant “insane”, not sure though.

•Lawyer isn’t supposed to be capitalized. Also bro isn’t supposed to. Also mummy. Actually, just proofread…

•Some spelling errors such as:

“I prey every day that that’s true.”, prey should be “pray”.

I forgot the sentence but it had something like “narcacism” which should be “narcissism.”

•Lots of questions are asked with a period. Remember to use a question mark!

•You forget lots of periods at the end of sentences, maybe just check that.

•I suggest getting a proofreader or just proofread.

Directing:

4/10

Chapter 1:

•Right off the start, while Jay was walking with the box in his hands, it looked like he was gliding rather than walking. Remember to use the walk animation for the box!

•On the first scene, when Layla walked off the screen and was talking, the dialogue was pointing at Jay. Also when Cali said, “Jay, box, bed!”

•At the start of the scene when they were in the artistic street, they were just walking on the same position which kind of looked weird.

•Usually, after a character is done talking, they are stuck at the end of their animations (not on loop) which makes them look really weird. Especially when Max left the two dudes at the back and the blonde hair dude was stuck in his animation while Max was talking to Layla. Maybe while the people are talking, the other people that aren’t can do animations as a reaction to what they are saying to make it look less robotic. (This applies to all chapters.)

•When Max hugged Layla, they should have been spot directed closer to each other to make it look like they are really hugging and not hugging air! Same thing with Cole.

•Cole was walking over Max, whut? Layer him behind Max.

•When Max said, “I swear, I will never hug you again.” and the next thing he says, the tail looked like it was pointing at Freddie.

•After the wheel background thing ended, it cutted back to the background but it cutted to zone 1 first instead of the zone they are in. (This happens every time the background changes in the party.)

•When Cole and Layla drank, they weren’t holding a cup or anything.

•I suggest having Cali do a walking animation while walking in to the party so that it doesn’t look like she’s gliding, then make her do the clapping animation afterwards.

•I suggest putting a phone background when Layla and Max were texting to keep consistency.

•When Max is talking to Layla before she kisses him, his dialogue tail is pointing at Layla when he talks.

•When Layla spins, there’s no wheel background? To keep consistency, I suggest you putting the background there.

•When everybody was running because Max’s mom was there, most of them were layered wrong making it look really weird. It looked like they were running on each other or something. :joy: Also, the blonde girl near Layla after everyone ran doesn’t look fazed at all and is spot directed a bit too high.

•When they ran again, it literally looked like they were flying above Freddie, lol!

•Omg poor mom. :joy:

•Max’s bubble tail pointed at Layla again after everyone left.

•While Jay and Layla are talking, Freddie just appears outta no where, maybe make it look like he’s walking?

•When Cole shouted, his tail was pointed at Jay.

•There was no piñata overlay, what was Cole punching?

•Wait? Did Max just reappear after Cali and Ford were talking to Layla and Jay…? Uh…

•When Freddie ran to the three, he looked way smaller than he is supposed to be. Maybe scale him bigger.

•After Dizzy leaves, his dialogue tail was pointing at Sebastian.

Chapter 2:

•After Freddie is done doing his little dance, he just reappears in his previous position. It looks pretty weird.

•Whenever Jay was talking in the hospital room, the dialogue tail pointed at Max.

•When Freddie talked (second hospital room scene), the dialogue tail pointed at Jay.

•When Jay walked out of the room, he was spot directed too big.

•When they are having food together, Max is really close to Jay! Yeeeee bromance! Lol. Okay, serious talk. I’m assuming their positions are the same as the previous one in the hospital, so maybe spot direct Max to the middle.

•In the street scene, the girl wearing the blue jacket under the house is spot directed too big, as well as the couple behind Cole and Layla.

•When Louise is talking when Layla and Max are alone in the closet, his tail is pointing at Max.

Chapter 3:

•While Sebastian was walking, there was a point where he was gliding.

•When Layla and Max are walking together, there were a few pauses and when they passed by Sebastian, Layla glided to look back.

Characters:

5/10

•I suggest adding diversity. But it’s your cast, so it’s your choice.

•Freddie is so weird, I love him!

•The more I look at it… Jay and Cole look like brothers…

•Okay… so I kinda skipped some dialogue so I am kinda confused. Is the blonde curly hair girl the same girl as Cali? They honestly really look the same, and I honestly suck for not paying attention to the name tags. Unless Cali just changes hair colors?

•I can distinguish the personalities of the characters from one another, but none of them make me feel attached, you know? As a writer, you want to make sure your readers feel attachment to the characters usually by making them relatable or well-written. This will make them enjoy the story more.

•Tbh, the only characters I like are Freddie and Sebastian… the rest are pretty boring characters. I feel like most of them are recycled and I feel like you should write their character more.

Plot:

4/10

•There are lots of similar plots out there, maybe add something to make it stand out from the rest of the other stories with similar plots out there.

•Omg, this is so funny. :joy:

•I suggest adding a cliffhanger at the end of Episode 1 to keep me wanting more. Because the end of that Episode was uh… you know…

•I actually find a lot of the scenes really abrupt, and I don’t think they add much meaning to the plot. If they don’t contribute to the plot, I suggest that you don’t add them. A few fillers is fine, but not too much. Likewise, lots of the scenes end abruptly and last for less than a minute.

•OMG, NO. “You’re not like other girls.”, I swear, you didn’t just pull that card on me. :sob::sob::sob: That’s a huge turnoff, and it’s just the second episode.

•Lots of the dialogues are dragging and I would be lying if I said I didn’t skip some of them. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

•I suggest to add more drama and spice to the story! That way, you can keep readers hanging on the edge of their seat wanting to know more.

•If I am being honest, the plot is really dragging. I felt like the plot kept beating around the bush and is not going straight to the point yet, you know what I mean? That can work in some cases, but honestly, I’m kind of confused by the plot right now.

•I find the plot predictable as well. I kinda know what’ll happen already. Give me something I won’t expect in the plot. :wink:

Overall Score:

24/50

Final Notes:

•Oh Freddie :joy:

•Jay and Cole be twinning

•Does Layla have visions? 0.o

•Is this your first story or second?

•Sebastian :heart_eyes:

•You may have gotten a low score, but don’t let that bring you down. I simply just want to help you improve in your story. There’s lots of potential in your story and I see that the execution of it is what probably brought it down. If executed better, this would probably be a really good story. And I know you can do that, just keep practicing and one day, you’ll get there!

•Keep on writing!

Thanks for requesting. Keep on writing!

Thank you so much, I had no idea you would do such a detailed review, this is incredibly helpful!! I have no idea how to add a cup :confused: And the wheel background and cellphone background were put in, they just don’t show up. And also, the story isn’t actually as cliche as it may seem as it is a fantasy and not actually a love triangle at all, Jay isn’t a love interest :stuck_out_tongue:
Thank you so much for taking out the time to review my story, I’ll definitely follow you suggestions and try to improve :slight_smile:

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Ohh, that makes a lot more sense tbh, lol. Anyways, here is how to add props. Click here!

Oh also I tried for like ages to do overlays but I could not find out how to make them transparent :confused:

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Oh thanks!!

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You can change their transparency by doing something like this:

@overlay OVERLAYNAME opacity 1 in 0

1 is the highest transparency that makes your overlay completely visible. Lower than that makes it less transparent to certain extents.

0 is how much seconds it’ll take, you can put how much seconds it’ll take tho, not just 0. :wink:

Whenever you create overlays, their set opacity is 0 which causes their invisibility.

I mean like the background of an overlay. I don’t know how to make one without it having like a white background.

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Oh! I can help you with cutting the white part out if you’d like. :slight_smile: I have an art thread. I gotta sleep in a few tho…

Oh thanks, that would be so helpful!! :slight_smile: I’ll check that out!

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Omg, @KittyKoala, I forgot to post the dialogues. :joy:

Ah okay, thanks. Not really sure what to do about that to be honest. It just the way they are saying the words, I guess it would be a lot easier to understand if you were hearing it, rather than reading it :confused:

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HI ! I see I am on the Waiting list for my story Break Away I was wondering instead of Break Away could you review my new story instead?!

Story Name - Beyond Repair
Author - Giana
Genre - Romance
Episodes - 3
Summary - After a tragic accident Lola leaves her hometown hoping to find herself again, but she finds someone else instead, Is Lola capable of love or if she broken beyond repair?
Style - Ink
Link- http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4518274726690816
Cover - BEYOND%20REPAIR%20LARGE%20COVER%20 BEYOND%20REPAIR%20SMALL%20COVER

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Sure!

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Is it possible for me to have my new Clue entry reviewed? I’d appreciate the support!

Title: Clue: Scottsville High’s Most Wanted

Genre: Mystery

Style: INK

Chapters (ongoing/complete): 3 - Ongoing

Summary: Answer keys are being distributed and all records are modified. The culprit could be anyone, including you. Detective, you have to stop this cyber attack. A clue is all you need.

Link (optional): http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5101902165770240

Cover:
image

QUESTIONS:

Answers

What do you think makes your story unique? I wanted to add that mystery aspect to my story by having two teens solve a case revolving around a cyber crime at their school. As seen as this is a high school related story, I want readers to feel as engaged as possible while reading, not letting them think just because the MCs are still high schoolers, doesn’t mean they can’t think maturely and solve a mystery by themself.

Are you proud of your story? Be honest! Of course!

If there was one component (directing, plot, design, etc.) you think your story is great at, which one of the components stands out the most? My mini-games :shushing_face: and definitely the story line.

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Of course!

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I really appreciate your comment but I will not make any changes other than the summary for a reason: I am not able to. I suggest you to consider that:

  • authors may not have english as a first language (i.e. me)
  • I really have no idea how the overlay thing works etc
  • this is a SIMPLE story, totally not serious, deeply romantic or heavy to read. That is what I like reading as a user so that’s what I do. I try to keep it simple, lots of choice and drama, not long boring thoughts that are more unrealistic than sex itself
  • sex is done by literally so many people and so many times, it does count for a lot of people, sorry to be the one telling you this

I am not coming at you, sorry if it looks like I am, I just thought reviews were… different! I will never ask for one again thanks god!
Have a nice day, thank immensely for spending your time reading my story. I really hope you know this answer may seem rude, crude and whatever but it is not because I don’r respect you or don’t appreciate you, just because I do put effort in my work.

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