Hi guys! I decided it would be a good idea to help out authors out there by giving the reviews. I will be critical and give you thorough feedback. In return for a long review, I would like you to read the first episode of my story! I will review stories 3 at a time. Your username will be stated below if you are next in line. Make sure to fill out the form and follow the steps below.
Steps
Make a request by filling out the form
Give me a screenshot of you reading the first chapter of my story
Get you review!
My story
Hereās my story: Name: Girl of Deception Author: IDONTKNOW Number of episodes: 8 (reading the first chapter is fine though) Description: Aria Lamar has is all. Sheās rich, beautiful and smart. But sheās a selfish arrogant jerk. Little does she know thatās all about to change.CC in episode 6 choices matter Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5855942598328320
Hey this is a great idea!
Name: No changes after a yearā¦
Author: Teddyās Dollhouse
Genre:Drama, romance, comedy
Description: Zen had a beautiful childhood until he was 10 years old with his father but after meeting a beautiful women who claims to be his true mother everything changes.
Link:http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6385627538259968
Cover:
I donāt have a cover yet.
What a great idea! Iām going to give yourās a read now
Hereās my filled out form:
Name: Better Than Life
Author: Bekki Hand
Genre: Drama (mixed with romance and comedy!)
Description: Crystal lives a dull life until vivid dreams and a change of fate turn her life around. But has she been living the life she thought she had? Or will a bombshell reveal all?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4566311962542080
Cover:
You include a good amount of choices which is key when it comes to stories. Good job on that!
Youāre zooming and spot directing is almost perfectly done! It took me a while to master that.
My advice
When Zen is narrating or having an inner monologue try changing animation every paragraph like this:
NARRATOR (ZEN)
Thatās why I catch myself from time to time, and distance myself from him. @ZEN is arms_crossed
NARRATOR (ZEN) Continues talking @ZEN is different animation
You get the point, just try to change animations often, it will interest you readers a lot more
When Zen is texting his father you can use a texting background. It will look more realistic.
At one point in your story the screen is black while Zen and Michael are talking. Make sure to fix that!
Make sure to capitalize the first letter of every sentence. Also you have a few grammar mistakes. Use Grammarly to correct them!
Iām a little bit confused about the plot line, you talk about people who will ruin Zen. Iām not sure if it was your intention to make the readers feel confused, but perhaps try to be a bit more clear.
One more thing, in the beginning of your first episode you say that your story contains mature themes and sound. Most authors use splashes to state what you said and they put it in the beginning of every chapter. All you have to do is request one (I can make one for you if you would like) and go to backgrounds, upload it, then, episode will approve it. This will attract more readers!
Overall, I thought your story was good. You included all the basic and some advance techniques in your story! Try to be more clear on you plot line and correct grammar mistakes. Good job on your story! And good luck!
Thank you for giving me such a detailed review! I will use the advice you gave me to improve my story. I wanted the readers to be confused in the first episode. I thought that the reader would want to know what is going on and start with the second episode. Do you think that this is a good idea? And it would be really nice if you could do splashes!
Sometimes I have problems with the grammar because english isnāt my first language. But I will try to improve it.
I read the first episode of your story and I liked it. I will continue reading it.
Thatās what I thought, you can confuse the readers a bit, but give them a little information to feed on.
As for the splashes you can request here I will finish it my tonight: make sure to fill out the form and give me all the details!
Name: Blind Starlight
Author: Chelsea Alexis
Genre: Fantasy
Description: Misread as the lost princess of Aetheria kicks off your wild adventure through time and space. A destiny fueled by lies, a looming evil, and forbidden romance await you. (LGBT+)
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6524977897930752
Cover (pending):
Your intro that said enjoy chapter one was really cool!
I love how you used music in your story
Your plot hooked me in right in the beginning of your story! I loved how Elara narrated here past.
Your overlay spotting was perfect and it gave a nice touch to your story.
Advice
You have a few spelling errors in your dialogue. Make sure to look over them to prevent any errors.
Try to make you dialogue 1000+ lines not including the spotting or directing.
Overall, your plot was amazing. I barely have any advice because your directing was perfect and the story was very well developed! Good luck on your story!
