Critique my story & characters!

Hey I’m new to Episode but I’ve been reading for years now. This is my first time creating a story so I would really like to get some input before going forward.

What’s the story about?
A group of teenagers that are finding their way through high school. They experience growing up together, the drama, the lies and the experience of being teenagers. This story will be about how people can change through experiences. It’s about finding who you are through all the up and downs.

  • What are the struggles that your Main Character (MC) faces along their journey?
    • Lillian: (perfectionist) Lillian learns that even though she plans ahead and does everything right life isn’t a straight line and there are plenty of twists and turns. She doesn’t end up with the boy she really likes, she doesn’t get to be prom queen, she doesn’t get internships that she worked hard for. She eventually learns how to roll with the punches and to get back up even when it’s hard to.

    • Dean: (coward) Dean doesn’t like conflict and does everything he can to avoid it. He is a very successful student but tries to stay neutral with everyone and is a people pleaser. This turns out that he does a lot of things he doesn’t even really like and in the process, he loses the girl he cares about the most because he doesn’t want to make the people around him mad at him or her. Finally, Dean stands up for himself and searches for who he truly is and what he is passionate about.

    • Daniel: (trust issues) Daniel believes that people are truly awful, and he believes that everyone has an ulterior motive, even his best friend. Daniel finds that in the process of protecting himself he was hurting those around him. He nearly loses his best friend in the process but eventually Daniel learns that the one who has continuously had his back was his best friend Luke. Daniel apologizes to his best friend and learns to let people in who mean the most to him.

    • Piper: (vein) Piper believes that based on who she is and how she looks will be enough to get her through life but ultimately, she finds that she’s truly alone and that no one likes someone who is ugly on the inside. She is very self-absorbed and truly believes the world revolves around her. She loses all her friends and is forced to do some reevaluating. In the end Piper tries very hard to change her personality for the better and gains back her friends but also creates new friendships.

Originally I wanted to make this a romance but it seemed too overdone and I just wanted to make a coming of age type of story. The way I’d like my story to flow would be through these four main character perspectives and the reader watches as the characters change over time. I personally don’t like Piper’s flaw because it doesn’t seem to match the other three but what do you think I should do?

Thank you very much for your time!

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I would love to help! For Piper, maybe you can make her less of a cliche mean girl and make it so that she struggles with constantly trying to fit in with the popular crowd. Because she’s trying to fit into the popular crowd, she tries to act self absorbed like the rest do, and she tries to tease and bully some students just like the popular people are doing. She eventually gets so caught up into it that she actually does become like the rude, popular kids who are a bad influence on her. When she realizes this, she wants to change, but that means giving up her friendships (but then again, those popular kids aren’t real friends), and her life in general. And she may be shamed by the popular crew, etc., etc.
I’m eager to see all the character development in every character! You don’t need to end the whole story with all of them completely improved. You can leave it on a good note, saying that while the 4 of them have come a long way, they are all still struggling but doing their best to improve every day.
You can make all 4 characters connected somehow, and bond over their struggles as they’re all trying to improve. I would also include more school and home issues. As they’re juggling their personal issues, they also have a life at home and school to worry about (AP exams, PSATs, scores, classes, time, SATs, etc. for American schools, for example).

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Thank you so much got your input! I really like your idea for how I should develop Piper. It sounds a lot better than what I had in mind.

Also, thank you for the note on the home/school life development. Those are big factors in someone’s life that helps determine where they could be potentially going. I also like your idea on not having them completely changed but see their improvement.

Your feedback has really helped me as a writer!

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I’m glad I helped! I’m sure to it story will turn out great! I love stories that focus a lot on character development.
Happy writing!

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