The start of the story is very mysterious. The directing is great so far. I also like that you tell us that we’ll be able to re-customize, since mistakes could have been made. The parents seem true to real life, with trying to support their daughter and still managing to annoy her. There could have been a couple commas in some parts. It was a little sad to see that there was someone that scarred the main character so badly that she’s still remembering him. In the scene where we first met Anna, I didn’t get a chance to screenshot it, but the layering had it so that the person receiving the hug (I think it was the main character) was in front. When the main character says something about the bedroom, she says, “And we are only 2.”, maybe it could have said something like “And there are only two of us.” to clarify. I don’t know if that matters, though, since I understood what she meant. There were also a couple of grammar errors. In the scene after the Katy leaves, Anna is still staring after Katy while talking to the main character. I could definitely relate to the main character about Jacob. That was a nice place to leave it off, since it keeps the reader hooked for the next episode. Nice job!
I liked your cover art, as it hinted a bit to the story. I also like that you took the time to make the backgrounds, or to find and upload them. It said something about how this was your house, but the story felt more like we were reading someone else’s and didn’t feel that personal. The directing and sound is pretty good. Derek made me laugh a little, since he basically turned around and immediately asked a pretty girl to take a picture. It was a little weird (or cool?) that the main character basically just predicted what her own story was going to be. (To be honest, I’m a little more on Violet’s side in the argument about guys, I guess I don’t crave danger as much, haha.) I also really like it when authors take the time to make background characters, since it shows that they care about how realistic the scene looks. It was a little bit cliche that there was someone that only wants to take her home at the bar, but I guess that could happen a lot. You could have used a couple commas in some places. Nathan’s joke made me laugh. I feel like Nathan is foreshadowing about what might happen if she walks alone. Also, woah, what a creep. Victoria’s thoughts were funny, although the sound effects and the creep combined were chilling. I love that you gave us an option on how to escape. I do wish that she actually said “Oh my god” instead of “OMG”, but that might just be me. Victoria was being a little rude, but that’s understandable after what happened. I also liked how it wasn’t cliche by avoiding her being turned by the hot love interest. Cool story!
In the beginning, I like that you put the quote, but there wasn’t enough time for me to read it. I was wondering about you naming the main character after your pen name, though. The inspirational message was great. There were some comma errors, and a spelling mistake in the word ‘pursuing’. About the comma errors, there were some commas where they shouldn’t be, and some sentences needed commas. Also, there were some unnecessary exclamation points, where she seemed enthusiastic about sad things. By ‘the glass window’ did you mean the windshield? One of the grammar errors was that you used “to” instead of “too” a couple times, since “too” means an excessive amount, or an add on. When Gifted was narrating her actions, it might have been better to either put her words in a speech bubble, or to put quotation marks around where she was talking, and ended them before she narrates that she was shouting. You also switched between ‘Mom don’t leave me!! I shouted’ and ‘Mom: “I love you!”’. I think that if you’re doing that, you should try sticking to one. Also, you had the characters do an action while they enter the scene, making it look like they’re not walking at all. Also, when you use question marks and exclamation points, it might be better to only use one. If you want to emphasize a question, you could use “?!” instead of “??”. I get that spot directing could be hard, but maybe try it by having the main character or Stephan and the girl in the background, since it’d realistically be obvious that Gifted is just staring both of them down. There is also a difference between “bear” and “bare”, since to bear a child is to have one, while bare is an adjective. You also forgot punctuation in a sentence or two. I’d suggest to either reread or maybe get an editor. Overall, I think it’s a good story, but maybe reread it.
Okay for starters, I’m capable for proofreading and reediting my own story so I don’t need an editor so there was no need in you even saying that. These are minor common errors which can be fixed, and everyone has said my grammar is good expect you. Since there are “minor” typos and errors I will reread my own story and go from there. There should be no confusing as to why I named the character after my name, when she is narrated, and created by me which means her character represents me as well. So I don’t understand why you are confused about why I created her character after me. I did it because it was my choice to. Though I don’t agree with everything you said, I will take note to some of the things you mentioned in response to my story. Take care
Thank you so much for doing this!!
Title- H & V: In Too Deep
Author- Sweet stories
Episodes out: 4
Description: You move to Miami to start your new life, but get thrown into a dangerous situation that causes you to get mixed up with a mysterious stranger. And boy is he more than what you bargained for.
Look, I was just giving an honest review of your story. Your grammar was pretty good, but there were misplaced commas that I was just making note of. If everyone else says that your grammar is good, that’s fine. I was just trying to mention things to make it easier for if you did decide to edit your story.
I know my grammar was pretty good I’m aware of that. Every reviewer who has viewed my story let that be known. I also, stated that I would take note, and reread my story to go back and fix some of the things you mentioned. So that’s that. I understand you are the reviewer, and all, but if I’m the one rereading, or reediting my story, then there is no need to tell me to get someone to edit my story. Also, just didn’t understand why you were so confused about me naming the character after my name on here when it’s “self explanatory.” I just don’t agree with everything you said but took note to some of the things you said to help improve my story. So thanks and take care!
Title: H & V : Kaleidoscopic
Author: The Turtle Trainer
Episode Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5318703894102016
Description: There are two sides to every story. Heroes and Villains, but what happens when you try to switch sides in the middle of the war?
Hi there! Thanks for doing this, it is most appreciated! If you still have some time left, please review my story as well:
Title: Spotlight: Jellyfished
Episode Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5598230056927232
Description: Did you know? Jellyfish do not have hearts. Yet they live. What if a human, a woman, would lose this vital organ…and live?
I like the message that you put in the beginning to warn the readers. My only comment is about the exclamation points, since you put a space in between the last word and the exclamation point. There was also some punctuation missing. You also had Jim appear out of nowhere in one of the first scenes, so I suggest maybe having him enter from the right to that spot. My other suggestion is to have the characters walk in instead of glide (since they’re doing actions while entering). I already feel bad for Ellie, since it seemed like Jim was losing interest. I do wonder what happened that made her think that he did something because he was a man. There were a few comma mistakes and spelling mistakes. You also had Ellie talk at one point, when she was thinking. Also in the scene where Dean threatened Ellie’s friend, it seemed like there was some unnecessary directing. Also, Ellie and Dean went two different ways and entered the scene from two different directions. Were these because it was written on the phone? Anyways, the story is pretty mystifying, and I’m curious about how the next episodes will happen.
Of course! no rush. Reviewing can take a lot out of you!
Author: Oli Deshae
Episode Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4548827255406592
Description: Becoming friends with the new boy is an interesting task as he gets to know your freakish personality.
I like the edits you made. The directing is awesome, just from the first scene. I’m impressed by the amount of time that it must have taken to do all of this along with the overlays and backgrounds. When Alora reunites with her mom, the part about the limo made me laugh. I like how realistic Alora is, and it’s also giving me a sense about how both of her parents are. I also like the sound effects that enhances the story. Woah, that magic thing completely took me by surprise. The transitions in between the scenes are also great as they don’t come by surprise. To be honest, I do wish that I had Alora’s closet. It intrigued me when Alora used the past tense for the word ‘love’. Even the car scene with the angry guy had pretty good directing. I like the fact that you gave us a choice between confronting the rude driver and being polite. The insecurity that Alora showed reminded me and probably others about the insecurity of making a hard choice in life. That guy that followed her sent me some weird vibes- as I’m not really sure if he’s a good guy or a bad guy. I liked the story and especially your directing.
The introduction at the beginning was cool. Was the ferciness in the description a spelling error or does it have a hidden meaning? Paris acts like one of my friends with her response to hearing about the Hamilton fashion show. There were a few past tense versus present tense mistakes. The security guard’s response made me laugh. I also think that you confused the verb ‘sow’ with ‘sew’, since ‘to sew’ is the verb for clothing. I also laughed at the main character’s response to what Marta said about being the model. I like how Kacy was kind and gave advice instead of trying to sabotage the characters. That was a cool cliffhanger at the end. There were only a few grammar mistakes, but nothing much. Nice story!
I like the insight that Rosalie gave in the beginning of the story. I also like that she was mature in her response to her mother at the airport. I like how you did the zooms to only show the characters after introducing the background. It was also nice to see that the choices made in the story had meaning to the story. The relationship between Rosalie and Linda showed in the first scene, even though we didn’t have that much history to go upon. Rosalie’s thoughtfulness also shows when she considers Malak’s offer. I also like how you inserted the customization option into the story, since it wasn’t that random and related to how the story flows. Rosalie really puts a lot of thought into the decisions that she makes. (I know that sounds repetitive, but I really like that about her.) There was only one grammar mistake between ‘there’s’ and ‘there are’, but it wasn’t a major problem. Rosalie trying to convince Malak to swim made me laugh. I started getting some bad vibes as soon as Rosalie said that she’d go in alone, though. Her reaction to Jaxon is pretty much my reaction in words. Oh, I think I know what’s going on with Jaxon, haha. You wrote Malak’s words really well to foreshadow what I think happened. He seems really sweet. Okay, wait, I just read what he said. Maybe to protect himself? I like the plot of the story and the characters. Can’t wait to continue
ahahah! This is awesome! Were you writing this as you read it? Thank you so much for the review!
Yes! I wanted Rosalie to have insight because personally I don’t like it when the main characters in a story don’t think things through. So the fact that you picked up on that really makes me happy.
Thank you so much, I’ll go back and look for that mistake and see if I can find it.
I hope you really do continue to read <3 Each episode escalates. You won’t regret it!
Hey, can you please review my story?? _
Title: Romantic Cruise
Author: Lawful Evil
Genre: Romance, Drama
Episodes: 4 [Completed] 2 endings
Description: You break up with your cheating boyfriend and go on a cruise. What will happen if you meet a mysterious dangerous man? Customize Characters
Wow, thank you so much for these beautiful words! I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review it! It means a lot. And I’m glad you liked it!
I’m about to publish my first story on episode, but I’d like someone to read it and get an honest opinion first. Suffering from anxiety disorder I’m very self-conscious about my work. Always doubting myself if it’s good enough. I could really use a second opinion.
I’ve been working on the storyline for quite the time, but I hadn’t intended to put it into script yet. Then the H & V contest came up and as it fits the theme perfectly I couldn’t decide if I should enter it or not. Probably not, since it’s still in the making, but I’d still like to get it out there as soon as possible.
Think you could help me by reading it?
Author: Happy Daisy
Episode Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5049360459366400
Story: Unexpected you