Day's Review Clinic - Post Your Stories Here! [CLOSED - READ POST FOR MORE INFO]

[WolfGamerGirl37]

@Days Do you think I should highlight the parts where I explain the meanings of words and the rituals used? I seen it in a lot of stories.

[Days]

That sounds brilliant - it will help the reader out a lot

[WolfGamerGirl37]

Thanks!

[gisellec]

HEY!!

I’ve JUST published a new story about Greek Gods and Goddesses!

HERE’S THE INFO!!

Story Name: DEMIGODDESS

Author Name: Giselle Crescent

Genre: Fantasy

Description: Being the daughter of Zeus isn’t easy. Add responsibilities and your mother having cancer topped on with a forbidden temptation to a boy who can rock your world , literally. CC

Small Cover:

Large Cover:

LINK:

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: Demigoddess *INK* (CC)

[Days]

Hey guys, I’ll try get back on the reviewing wagon soon. I was going through some stuff but I am back again - I may take a while but I will make sure the reviews are coming. @paumarr - I am reviewing your story atm and will post the results asap

[Lorraine8566]

I would love you to check out my new story
Tales from a Russian muffin
A hilarious romp with Vlad, a cheesy, well-endowed Russian guy and his wing-man. Tell all the sexy ladies that the Italian Stallion and the Russian Muffin are on the prowl!http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5223230874189824
I will read yours as well

[S_Unique]

Hey. I would love for you to review my story.
Here’s the details to my story in case you want to check it out.
Author: S_Unique
Title: The Four Horsemen
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Ink
Description: 4 Sins. 4 Angels fell. 4 Horsemen rose. A curse was casted. And the battle of good vs evil is about to begin. CC/ Choices matter
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5482099054608384

[Days]

Review for @paumarr

“The Nation D: Moon Eyes”

Episode One:

• Love the splashes and the use of music!
• CC is a plus point for some readers!
• Be careful with zone panning for some scenes, it’s a nice technique but be careful because on one of the scenes I could see a black screen.
• HOLOGRAM
• Your story is very pretty - it’s a very nice story to look at.
• I know you mentioned English is not your first language, but I spotted a few grammatical issues - here are a few corrections :
  “Where is he?”
  “You have the right to remain silent.”
  “…only way to save him from death”
• Loved the custom backgrounds and loved the concept regarding the colour change of his eyes.
• Advanced directing is done nicely and brilliantly done - speech bubbles (positioning).

Episode Two:

• Amazing use of music and sound in the story!
• Love the dystopian YA element to this story.
• The plot is very unique and love the twists & turns in the story!
• Found the overall plot very interesting so far, it was pretty intriguing
• I spotted minor spelling and grammar, like “common, don’t be that stupid to believe you know him” but I would recommend "Come on, are you stupid enough to believe you know him?"
• Loved the banter between Oliver and Heather
• With the spot directing, I’d recommend you make Heather walk to the same spot but in a different zone when she walks off - to clarify:
  @HEATHER spot 0.222 654 789 in zone 1 when she was talking to Oliver
  When she walks off do @HEATHER walks to spot 0.222 654 789 in zone 2
• Loved the directing and backgrounds

Episode Three:

• I really liked how you provided multiple perspectives giving us an idea of what goes through the other characters’ minds.
• Also, loved how this episode is an opportunity to get to know Grant a bit more too!
• Loved the details in the story like about the chemical that makes you forget
• Very interesting episode and was enjoyable to read!

General Comments:
I love the aesthetic of the story - it is so beautiful and I love the plot as well as the mixture of genres. Muy bien!

[Days]

Sorry guys I have been AWOL - life can be a jerk and I have been active in forums but I could not bring myself to use my energy to review stories.

Thanks for your patience @paumarr - much love to you and the others who are waiting too I give you my love!

[paumarr]

Thank you so much for this!

[Cindy]

Send me a fanmail once you read my story .

Title of the story : Trail Of Tears
Name of the author : Cindy
Story genre : Drama/Romance
Description : A girl who goes through a lot in her life. Some days are good and some days are bad she wants to just be a normal girl that does not have to run away from her problems. CC
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5548954080247808
Style : Ink
Episodes : 16

Can you please PM me the review.

[IDONTKNOWREAL]

Hi! It would be amazing if you could review my story!
Name: Girl of Deception
Number of episodes: 7 episodes
Author: IDONTKNOW
Genre: Adventure
Description: Aria Lamar has is all. She’s rich, beautiful and smart. But she’s a selfish arrogant jerk. Little does she know that’s all about to change.CC in episode 6 choices matter

[jessfox13]

I’d love some feedback, if you’re still reviewing stories!

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5040097505705984 1

Story: BLACK BETTY
Genre: Comedy
Plot: Betty is a small town girl with big dreams of becoming a rock star. Navigating stardom, relationships, fans, and parties…Will she make it or break it? CC

[Days]

Review for @JannahJackson

“Stay Strong, Sisters”

Note for everyone as well as @JannahJackson
OMG I cringed at how long ago you requested a review - nearly a month ago! (I am so sorry for being off time with all these reviews, I have been going through the process of completely revamping my story which has been pretty time-consuming as well).

Episode One:

• Loved the beginning of the episode - it was very cute and reminded me of sitcom intros haha
• The diversity of the characters is very good and I am glad to see that there is a lot of information about the culture as well as being given the choice to be informed about the culture.
• Great use of music and sound effects as well!
• I really liked how you captured Singaporean life and what an interesting country to write about!

Episode Two:

• For some parts of dialogue, they’re in a foreign language so you can perhaps use a readerMessage translating what is said as the foreign languages does take up quite a bit of dialogue.
• I love how you’ve captured the difficulties of each of the girls as well
• Not sure, but with the spot directing, perhaps the girls should be a bit taller - they look quite small in comparison to other characters so perhaps make them a bit bigger?
• Loved the humour in the story as well!
• I’d recommend breaking up some dialogue into smaller pieces - generally the length of dialogue for each piece is fine but there are some pieces that could be broken into smaller chunks
• When Diya Lavanya goes to her room and gets changed, I spotted that when she leaves then comes back her size changes - to amend this maybe do:

@DIYA LAVNANYA enters from left to screen center
WHEN SHE GETS CHANGED
@DIYA LAVANYA enters from right to screen center

• Loved the reveal, and actually, I’d recommend using varied zooms as well! However, your directing is generally pretty good.
• Great cliffhanger at the end haha

Episode Three:

• Wow, what an action-packed episode!
• Lol Diya got tricked!!
• When Diya talks about knowing the bank details, she is off-screen so you may have to do @cut to zone 3
• Overall, a very emotional and sweet episode.
• Again, I’d recommend adding some zooms as it would help with the overall mood of the story as it does have quite a sitcom/slice of life vibe to it
• This is more of a general note, but maybe have some splashes and a cover to help clean the episodes up and helps it look more professional.

General comments:

Great plot, very informative about Islam as well as Singaporean customs and great use of humour as well as sound. Well done

[Days]

@gisellec Hey, I noticed that your story got fully published and the way I am doing the reviews are in the chronological order of the thread. You’d kindly notified me that your story was published at a later date, so I may provide your review later. All the best and loved your previous story so cannot wait to check this one out!

[Castino]

[DEMON GOD]
Author: E.Z.
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Ink
Chapters: 8 (on going)
Instagram: @e.z.episode
Description: He starved himself for three hundred years in order to abide by a woman’s promise. Everyone in Devildom is waiting for him to die.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4678673313693696

[Diya]

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: sakina Episode 1 Only

[gisellec]

Thank you so much!!

[Days]

Review for @Madalynn

“Plan B”

Episode One:

• I have to say this! Your covers are absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn’t be shocked if they attract you quite a lot of reads.
• Loved how well the overlays’ direction was done and the range of them from the barf to the car haha
• It’s pretty evident a lot of effort has been put into this story and it shines through your story!
• In some points of the story, I found that some of the characters were popping on screen (I’ll give some examples to clarify) BUT the character popping thing didn’t bother me that much because I was pretty into the story so it would help refine the story’s quality.
• I recommend avoiding using “And” and “But” at the beginning of sentences - I’d recommend using synonyms.
• With the character popping I spotted it when Bella is getting driven to her university - so I’d recommend doing:
  @BELLA spot xxx.yyy.zzz
  BELLA (talk_call_out)
  [Insert dialogue here]
• Overall plot is interesting with a dash of humour too.

Episode Two:

• Fantastic use of zooming and directing from the beginning again
• I was going to continue reviewing it but the app is acting up with the speechbubbles - don’t worry, I’ll see if I can fix it soon.

[Madalynn]

thank youu​:heart: