Day's Review Clinic - Post Your Stories Here! [CLOSED - READ POST FOR MORE INFO]


#147

#148

Thank you so much!!


#149

Review for @Madalynn

“Plan B”

Episode One:

  • I have to say this! Your covers are absolutely gorgeous and I wouldn’t be shocked if they attract you quite a lot of reads.
  • Loved how well the overlays’ direction was done and the range of them from the barf to the car haha
  • It’s pretty evident a lot of effort has been put into this story and it shines through your story!
  • In some points of the story, I found that some of the characters were popping on screen (I’ll give some examples to clarify) BUT the character popping thing didn’t bother me that much because I was pretty into the story so it would help refine the story’s quality.
  • I recommend avoiding using “And” and “But” at the beginning of sentences - I’d recommend using synonyms.
  • With the character popping I spotted it when Bella is getting driven to her university - so I’d recommend doing:
    @BELLA spot xxx.yyy.zzz
    BELLA (talk_call_out)
    [Insert dialogue here]
  • Overall plot is interesting with a dash of humour too.

Episode Two:

  • Fantastic use of zooming and directing from the beginning again
  • I was going to continue reviewing it but the app is acting up with the speechbubbles - don’t worry, I’ll see if I can fix it soon.

#150

thank youu❤️❤️


#151

No worries - your hard work has shone through! :heavy_heart_exclamation:


#152

Hey, please read the original post - I’m sorry I could not review the other episodes but I’ll leave some fanmail if you like :heart:


#153

If any one can fine time to check out my story and give me some feedback it would be much appreciated… thanks

The_Vamp_Girl_posterThumb_aG8xBzcXZj


#154

no worries and fanmail sounds good!:blush:


#155

Hey I know it’s closed for now, but here’s my story just for when you’re open again!

Title: Hale Huna
Author: Anonymous Author
Description: Kendall’s dad decides to move her and her brothers to Hawaii. She soon discovers she has the key to a world beyond her imagination…and secrets about who her mother really is…
Style: Limelight
Cover: cover
This story contains strong language and mature themes, and tackles serious, real-life events such as mental illness, self harm and sexual abuse (only a little bit, though) while remaining fun, heart-warming and providing an escape from reality in the fictional world of Zailia


#156

Keep in mind, I have some of my own backgrounds and personal splashes but they haven’t been accepted yet.


#157

Review for @LiaLopez

“Rewinded Life”

Review:

  • Gorgeous splashes and backgrounds!
  • Love how interactive the story is right from the beginning!
  • Your range of vocabulary is very impressive and love how much the fourth wall is being broken here :movie_camera:
  • Ah that’s really interesting - we can choose whether or not to grant keys! Love that concept!
  • Love the spot directing as well with the rewounder sitting on Megan’s head!
  • I really like how powerful this story makes me feel so far haha, I feel like my choices really matter here.
  • Ooh, I love how much the characters stories link with one another and Benio is one crazy kid (live for it!)
  • Lovely use of text effects but there was no over use of them so good going!
  • Love the way the characters bounce off each other dialogue-wise! :sparkles:
  • YAY! BENIO LOVES MEMES. This story is speaking to me on another level :heart_eyes:
  • Directing is pretty good overall! I am not seeing any errors so far :smiley:
  • I loved the first episode so much!

Overall Comments:

Brilliant fun to read, very interesting and unique plot, also, loved that we can see things from everybody’s perspectives as well! Loved it!


#158

No worries and thanks for notifying me - love the cover!


#159

Thak you very much for your review @Days :blush:


#160

Review for @S_Unique

“The Four Horsemen”

Review:

  • Very lovely splashes and they suit the overall theme of the story!
  • Yippee! Loved the point system - a great way to make the readers more engaged and feel like they can pave their own path in the story!
  • Love the own use of backgrounds and the directing so far.
  • The storytelling narrative is really nice to read - sometimes I feel this need to just skip it but I did not find this to be the case here.
  • Very intriguing plot and pretty unique as well :blush:
  • I found that there was an issue with the phrase “Common” - it should be “Come on” instead :heart:
  • Love the religious tones of the story (angels, Lucifer, sins, and God) - it’s nice to read
  • I like the aspect that John sees Delilah from time to time - I hope they get to properly speak (hopefully not because somebody died)
  • Loved the flashback and very clever use of the filters to tell us that it was in the past!
  • Also, the flashback helps explain a lot as there was a really interesting relationship between Delilah and John. Can he see her because she’s his soul mate? (Lol curiosity)
  • “He was the towns drunk” should be “He was the town’s drunk” - don’t worry, this is pretty minor.
    -Absolutely fantastic work - well done!

Overall Comments:

A story with an equal mix of mystery, intrigue and fantasy - I have a lot of questions and I want them to be answered so when I get the time I’ll keep on reading. Stunning and unique plot. Well done! :heart:


#161

#162

Thank you so much :heart_eyes::heart_eyes: um really glad you liked it and I’ll fix those grammar mistakes right away :blush:


#163

Review for @IDONTKNOWREAL

“Girl of Deception”

Review:

  • Fantastic intro -lovely splashes and great use of advanced directing by using different overlays!
  • Love the dialogue - filled with wit and quite a bit of sass!
  • Also, I really like the idea of art scenes as well - that would make the reader want to read on and check them out!
  • Yes! Great use of zooms - I find it can really enhance the reader’s experience.
  • Yikes! Aria is quite the cutthroat one, isn’t she? :sob:
  • Haha, whoops - I chose to go to the club lol but love how the choices matter and that there is a points system.
  • OH MY GOD! ARIAAAA, why she so harsh???!!! However, I admire her no bullshit policy. (Brilliant writing :wink: )
  • Great use of music in the episode as well and overall spelling & grammar is pretty good from what I have seen so far.
  • Loved the directing in the photoshoot as well - the flickers of the camera were cleverly done.
  • Ah, so Aria changes later on and learns her lesson!
  • Brilliant cliffhanger as well!

Overall Comments:

Great storyline, episode is a good length and is well-directed. Very enjoyable to read and has a lovely dose of comedy to it too. Great work :dizzy:


#165

Review for @jessfox13

“BLACK BETTY”

Review:

  • Great narration - it feels like I am in Becky’s head and of course, this will be quite the musical story so cannot wait to hear a bunch of sound effects and music!
  • The description is well-written - the reader is being given enough information and great dialogue flow.
  • Love the humour in the story as well.
  • Directing’s pretty good as well - not seeing much faults from what I have seen so far.
  • Haha, the sass from Betty and Meera’s interaction with Luke is brilliant as well.
  • Good use of zooms and perhaps I’d suggest that when the auditions are happening - get the people auditioning to be on the stage (change their spots and maybe zoom into them). The scene still works though :slight_smile:
  • Loved the characters auditioning haha
  • Great way to end the episode and loved the music.

Overall Comments:

Loved the storyline, the comedy and music. Great directing and overall writing style was engaging. Beautiful job! :musical_score:


#166

Thank you so much!


#167

Thanks so much!!! I appreciate the feedback!