Day's Review Clinic - Post Your Stories Here! [CLOSED - READ POST FOR MORE INFO]

[PinkPony1]

Hi! I would love it if you gave my story a review!

Title name: A Wish Come True
Author name: PinkPony1
Description: Everything that Layla wishes for comes true, but she’s not the only one who’s experienced this. Will it become more than she can handle?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4534142956863488
Episodes: 3(working on 4)
PM/Post: PM
Genre: Drama, Romance
Story Style (INK/Classic/LL): LL

[daxa]

Hey! I’d love to get a review!

Title: All The Boys
Author: Daxa Rock
Description: Throw cloak of invisibility away and begin the journey of love you’ve always dreamed of, chosing between two extremely handsome and… oh I meant between three! Wait, what? Four!?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4970429717544960
Episodes: 3 (finishing 4)
PM/Post: I guess PM
Genre: Drama/ Romance/ Comedy
Story Style: LL
Password: should I write here that password or what haha?

[Days]

Haha forget about the password - too tedious lol

[Castino]

Thank you so much for the feedback! I’m happy that you have enjoyed!

[azariasin]

Title name: Thrill of the Hunt
Author name: azariasin or Azaria Sin
Description: To find a serial killer hunting innocent women, you’re paired with someone unexpected! Will you navigate lust, betrayal and tragedy in this murder-mystery? CC! [MATURE]

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6661570308734976

Cover Picture (if you have one): https://www.episodeinteractive.com/dcon/Siren_Song_Nc_posterThumb_S3q0gUPsjP.png
Episodes: 6 published so far, (I’ve completed 10 chapters, but I’m still perfecting remaining episodes of this season )
PM/Post: Do you want me to send your review via PM or post it on this thread?: Posting it on this thread is fine!
Genre: Mystery/Thriller/Romance
Story Style (INK/Classic/LL): INK

[a.d.episode]

Hey, I was wondering if you would be willing to review what I have of the first episode from my unpublished story? It’s around the first 12 minutes of it, so it shouldn’t be terribly short

[Days]

What an intriguing story!!! I have been looking for something like Mindhunter since reading it and this may be just the story to help me!

[Days]

Of course, when I get to it - I’d be happy to do that

[a.d.episode]

Of course, thank you so much for doing this, take all the time you need

Name: Providence
Author: A.D. Summers
Genre: Fantasy Adventure
Number of episodes: 1 (ignore the second I was messing around with something lol)
Description: “Why does God even deal with us?” I never thought I’d know his answer, until I went to that mysterious town. After all, Providence is a greater mystery than Revelation. Limited CC (??? still debating)
Link:

The Best Stories Are Worth Sharing: Providence

Temporary Cover:

[Days]

Stunning cover btw

[cutlass]

Title: In the Margins
Author name: Cutlass
Description: Surrounded by books it’s easy to get lost in their magic. Especially when the real world is anything but magical. A late night text might be the spark you’ve been searching for…
Episodes: 4 (more coming soon)
PM/Post: Doesn’t matter. Whatever you want.
Genre: Drama/Romance
Story Style: Ink
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6328725246705664
Cover Picture:

[a.d.episode]

Aww, thanks a lot! I looked high and low for someone who could do it for me, and I’m really glad with how it’s coming out

[azariasin]

I assume you’ve already read the first chapter at least lol. All I can say is, that it’s plot twist after plot twist.

I’ve never heard of Mindhunter but will def check it out now!

[Trying_To_Help]

@Days

Title name: Rain
Author name: Treasure T.V. M.D. Jackson & God
Description: A long time ago, in the time of the Roman Empire was a city that was ruled by 2 cruel people, when Rain has to run away from their evil King, can you help her??? And her child??
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5439228210184192
Cover Picture (if you have one):
Episodes: 2 available to read
PM/Post: Do you want me to send your review via PM or post it on this thread? Public post.
Genre: Fantasy
Story Style (INK/Classic/LL): All Styles

This story has a tablet/ipad version in the same story as well as choices that matter. Some advanced directing, No, this is not spam. I am not joking.

Thank you.

[gisellec]

Thank you so much for your honest review!!

[AlessgGX]

I hope someone will review my story T.T cause it my 1st story.
Name story: Amazing Inside
Genre: Fantasty
Chapters: will be continue.
Description: Can Emma control her emotion when she realize they come out and talk to her!! Can she balance love, family and friendship before a mystery power come and destroy everything.
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5843577419464704 1 2

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[Days]

Review for @Diya

“Sakina”

Episode One:

• I’d recommend at the beginning adding a monologue for Sakina and adding some more description as the story is quite quick-paced.
• When MC is at the shop, maybe after the shop owner tells Sakina there’s no jobs available then Sakina reacts, for this I’d suggest (this is a rough example but illustrates my point):

SHOPOWNER (talk_sheepish)
I’m sorry, madam. There are no jobs on offer…
@SAKINA is idle_sad I have a feeling you used & rather than @
SAKINA (talk_neutral)
Don’t worry, sir. That’s alright.

• Also, I’d suggest perhaps getting your story proofread as I spotted quite a few grammar issues.
• The plot’s interesting overall and the pace of the story again is far too quick. To help slow the story down make sure moments like when Mitt and Sakina are talking are somewhat lengthened out by pieces of descriptive narration.
• Also, I noticed you write from multiple perspectives - to prevent confusion do
  NARRATOR (CHARACTERNAME)
  Better yet, for their thoughts use a thoughtbubble
• When it comes to the reactions, I’d suggest less laughing animations and mix the animations up a bit
• Sakina is portrayed as a strong girl who fights off a lot of pain but again, the pacing is a bit too quick - the two guys say they love her, I think it would be better for you to say something like “I cannot put my finger on i but there’s something about her that intrigues me”.

Overall comments:

Your plot has promise, the idea of a strong girl like Sakina fighting her demons and making a life for herself is really good - but I felt like there were some parts of the story that were too quick so I’d recommend more character development and description. Hope I help

[AnonymousAuthor1]

I’m bit sure if I’ve already asked, but here’s my story:

Does this sound like something you'd read? POLL!

Does this story sound interesting to you? Would you read it? TITLE Hale Huna AUTHOR Anonymous Author GENRE Fantasy/Romance STYLE Limelight DESCRIPTION Kendall’s dad decides to move her and her brothers to Hawaii. She soon discovers she has the key to a world beyond her imagination…and secrets about who her mother really is… EPISODES 6, ongoing. COVER [freecovereditablelarge] [long%20free%20hh] QUOTES FROM PREVIOUS REVIEWS AND READERS Oh my gosh, I’m loving your plot. You’ve do…

[Days]

I think you’ve asked - sorry for the wait, I’ve got a decent amount of people waiting but I have heard some glowing reviews of your story so I cannot wait to get to it

[AnonymousAuthor1]

Aw thank you, and it’s okay I don’t mid the wait <3