Hi there! Here’s the review I based off on your first episode!
- In terms of directing, I feel like transitions should be used more often than not. In addition, the part where Ana meets with her two friends (Ruben & Melanie) at the coffee shop, I feel like the placements are a little weird. When we switch to Ruben’s perspective, ana and Melanie are facing at the back. The problem here is that they’re in the wrong places because Melanie sits at the left and Ana sits at the right. But if you’re looking at the girls from the back, you’ll see that Melanie is supposed to be at the right and ana is at the left. In this scene, I also think that when you’re switching perspectives and want to focus on Ruben or the girls, zooming should be appropriate so the readers won’t get dizzy! Also, the part where Ana’s dad is talking to her though the door - I feel like a split screen would’ve done it justice, so we can see Ana’s reaction as he speaks. It just gives a little more sentiment to the scene!
- As for grammar, I feel it needs a little more work. Also, punctuations seem to be missing at times. Maybe english isn’t your first language, or maybe it is, either way, I know you tried your best! But hey, this part of the story doesn’t seem to bother much people anyways. Plus, it’s understandable, so I think that’s what really matters here!
- Seeing that the first episode was used to introduce Ana’s life with her family(good move, btw!), the abrupt entrance of the mysterious lady was actually subtly surprising. I like how it ended as a cliffhanger!
- Overall, with a little more work, I’m sure your story will grab other people’s attention.