Desperately Need Opinions on My Three Excerpts!

Hi! This post requires a bit of background in order for it to have more purpose, so let me explain.

Okay, so I have always had an interest in writing and literature. But, especially as of late, I am realizing that my mental health has held me back from so many opportunities. Therefore, I believe that I’m wasting my potential. So, I’m on the fence about applying to be a part of NEHS (National English Honor Society). There are certain requirements that must be met, and I have some issues with a couple of them.

  • I need to maintain an A- average in my literature classes throughout high school. I got a B (86%) freshman year, an A (96%) sophomore year, and I currently have a B+ (88%) (but my teacher is more than likely going to round that up to an A-).
  • There’s a section on the form for applicants to fill out/mention extracurriculars/classes/volunteer activities that revolve around literature. I have nothing to fill out here.

I don’t want to use my mental health as an “excuse” because I’ve technically never been diagnosed (the idea scares me and I’ve thus rejected therapy- I’m starting to consider it more- but I digress). However, I genuinely believe that my mental health has affected my participation- especially in regards to extracurriculars and volunteer opportunities. I absolutely love helping people, but I’ve felt empty inside and overall unmotivated and unwilling to put myself out there. I’ve definitely improved over the years, but I’m still in a stalemate.

Anyways, on the form, there’s a bolded line that says that I can attach anything that I’ve written that I’m proud of (optional). I think this may be my saving grace unless if I’m actually a really shitty writer. I’m hoping, if my writing is good enough, that it can possibly make up for the areas that I’m lacking in.

I need opinions- should I apply? If I do apply, should I mention my mental health, or will it hurt me rather than help? Also, should I turn this excerpt into an Episode story?

I was wondering if I can get some opinions on these little excerpts that I’ve put together. I’m planning on adding more as well as editing these, but the application is due on Tuesday. I would rather get opinions now than create a plethora of excerpts and essentially waste my time.

If I’m actually a terrible writer, please let me down kindly because I’m already feeling vulnerable lmao- I very much appreciate constructive criticism, and will take all I can get.

Thank you so much to anybody who helps me with this!! :))

A few things to note because I don’t want to look like a bigger idiot:

  • There are no indents in the excerpts because I’m typing it on my phone.
  • I intentionally changed perspectives (in the first excerpt) the first part is in third-person perspective and the rest is in first-person perspective.
  • I’m fairly new to the forums, so I apologize if this topic isn’t in the right place :))

That is AMAZING!! One if the best things I’ve read! Don’t say you’re a terrible writer because you’re not! This story created a lot of images in my head and I felt really connected, I don’t know how long it needs to be, but this is beautiful :sparkling_heart: apply!!! Don’t give up, I’m sure you’ll make it.


Ahhhh thank you!! You have no idea how much your words mean to me. I’m starting to learn that it’s generally better to receive outside opinions, since my own tend to be biased in some way. Thank you so much :revolving_hearts:

1 Like

Of course!!! :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart:

1 Like

I think you should absolutely apply and I hope you do!! I personally would mention the mental health part, if you’re comfortable with it. I don’t think it sounds like an excuse at all.

As for the excerpt, I enjoyed reading it so much! You changing perspectives was done so naturally and effortlessly and made it really cool! If you turned this into an Episode story, I’d love to read it!!

Ps: I really loved the waitress’ name! :cupid:

1 Like

Of course you do :wink::shushing_face:

Do you remember me? you probably won’t but…

1 Like

Girl… it’s really awesome… this excerpt… Just connected me with it… You are not at all a terrible one… you are such an awesome writer…

1 Like

Hahahahaha YES!!! You said Iridescent was perfectly written and named it in the same sentence as my all time favorite story, 365 Days!! It’s one of the most heartfelt compliments I’ve gotten and made me so happy!!

1 Like


I’m not going to lie, that means a lot to me. I fell in love with your story and Vienna has always been a name that stood out in my eyes, so I ultimately used it. Honestly, thank you so much for your take on the situation :)) It’s very much appreciated :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like

Thank you so much! I’m freaking out because the application is due tomorrow and I still want to come up with two more excerpts (because everything comes in threes). I’m planning on adding those to the document soon, but my mind is incredibly frazzled.

I’m overjoyed that my writing spoke to you- that means more than I can fathom!! Thank you :cupid:

1 Like

Aaah thank you so much, that means a lot to me too!!! I wish you sooo much luck with the application and hope you make it!! Also very excited for you other 2 excerpts if you choose to share them!

1 Like

I’m definitely in need of outside opinions because I’m usually too hard on myself, so I’m planning on sharing those other two excerpts! I appreciate your words a lot!!

If anything, I’ll just bump the topic :woman_shrugging:

now I feel like I have to live up to the first excerpt so there’s more pressure lmao yeehaw

1 Like

No pressure, I’m sure they’ll be amazing! Just like this one :sparkling_heart:

1 Like


I added my second excerpt to the document. This one is a tad different- it’s like a huge metaphor that’s supposed to resemble the fact that I had everything from someone (nectarine), but I didn’t realize it at the time because I wasn’t used to being appreciated, so I searched for something more “normal” (peach). I then quickly realized that normal wasn’t what I wanted, because it felt bitter and unnatural, so I turned back to that somebody. But they had already moved on. And now I’m waiting to get that somebody back.

Not sure if this makes sense at all- I’m even more wary about this excerpt- so I’d highly appreciate some feedback (even if it’s in regards to fixing a few sentences or clarifying a point or whatnot).

bump :cold_face:

OMG!!! you did it again!! that second oneeeeee :blob_hearts::blob_hearts: It’s completely amazing it is just as beautiful as the first one, I can tell how much thought and work you put into it, I’m being 100% honest. This is, again, one of the best things I’ve read.

1 Like

ahhh I’m so glad!! I’m still working on my third one and it’s taking forever :woozy_face:

1 Like

Hello. I’ve had OCD since I was really little and used to mention it very little to teachers. When I do mention it though, it has never negatively impacted anything. I mention it now quite often since there’s nothing invalid about it, unlike what some others may think. I would go and tell the teacher privately if it really affects you. Don’t let mental stuff get in the way of doing what you want to do, or just living your life. Hope this helps a little. lol.


Actually, that helps a lot.

These past two months, I’ve especially been physically and mentally drained. I’m starting to try and be more honest with myself, and therefore try to become a better person. Perhaps I’m scared to fully admit it to myself that I may be worse than I think. Vulnerability scares me. I don’t trust people easily. I may see a therapist soon, but the amount at which my mind can take on (mentally) is very little, especially as of late.

Honestly, I needed to hear your words. So thank you immensely. I’m just nervous because I believe (if I’m correct) the entire literature department may be reading my excerpts and depicting and judging every line- the thought terrifies me. But thank you again for your words, I appreciate them more than I can comprehend :))