Detailed and honest reviews- [Closed until I catch up!]

Hi everyone,
I’ve often been told I’m a brutally honest person when it comes to reviews, so I decided to make a thread.
If you’d like me to review your story, I’ll happily do so.

The first story I’ll be reviewing is Bisexual Bachelorette- By AJ MacArthur.

Why I read this story.

‘Bisexual Bachelorette’ caught my eye because I haven’t encountered a story with the Spotlight format yet. I thought it would be similar to Bad Boy Bachelor’, which although I enjoyed I would have preferred female Li’s. I’m only on Episode 4.

First Impressions

The first thing I noticed with this story was the number of clothing options. Not only can you access outfits designed for a specific scene, but you can also access the ‘Super Closet’ which has everything from ball gowns to bikinis. I actually liked the variation in outfits here, only some of them appear to be missing shoes?
The option to chose your preferred gender was really impressive to see, especially as most stories exclusively have female MC’s, and the option to choose is complex to code.

Characters

The next thing I noticed was that some of the ‘contestant’ characters literally had the faces of the ‘default actors’ from the Writer Portal. The ‘contestant’ characters are supposedly designed to make you ‘fall in love and eventually marry them’ only…none of the characters are attractive (at least to me). In this case- being able to customise the characters would be a huge bonus.
The character themselves really fit into stereotypes. The arrogant and somewhat rude queen bee. The bad boy with a troubled past.

Formatting

I was interested to see the mix of Spotlight formatting and full character display. I think the mix works well at points, but for the date scenes and things like the race, spot directing would have made the scenes much more convincing.

Overall thoughts

My overall thoughts:
I like some aspects of this story, but parts of the content are questionable and for that reason.There seems to be a large focus on sex and sexual acts. This isn’t really appropriate on episode in my opinion, as the app markets itself as 13+. The fanmail of this story is full of people asking "When is the sex scene? Can we have sex? etc.. Episode isn’t here to fulfill those…needs so this makes me slightly uncomfortable.
I also think description is overused in each episode. I found myself tapping through lengthy sections of scene description, e.g 'You look around and see Bay approaching you…she is wearing this and she looks at you like that, etc.
Because of the slightly generic characters, and other small issues, this story is not one of my favourites. However, I found the mix of formats really interesting and the author had clearly put a lot of time into the story.

What would you rate the story?

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0 voters

2 Likes

I love brutal honesty :metal:

Confessions of a Female Jock
QueenIvy
Comedy
7 episodes - more coming soon
“It’s the first year of college and you’re already leading a double life! Academic beauty by day, MVP of the Football team by night.”

6539

I’m always looking for feedback to help me improve as a writer and director

1 Like

I’d love a review also

Title: Oblivious
Genre: Comedy
INK
Episodes: 14 (on-going)
Description: When socially awkward Leanna catches the eye of equally awkward Kai things can’t get more awkward, can they?
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Please note there is no sound at all in this story.

2 Likes

I’ll start reading later today, and will hopefully have a review written by tomorrow!

1 Like

Okay, no problem. I’ll let you know when the review is finished!

1 Like

Great! I love getting reviews!

Title: My Kalona
Genre: Fantasy
Chapter Stats: 7 chapters published
Expected Length: 15 chapters
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4559018983227392
Description: Naomi desperately tries to bond with her estranged father, but becomes the prisoner of a Native-American curse that threatens all. Will her choices lead to freedom or failure?
NOTE: This is a multiple path & choices matter story. Chapter lengths vary depending on your choices (hidden character unlocks & losses, hidden scenes, ect…)
The_Gleaning_posterThumb_Ku6PMJujsM

3 Likes

That looks great! A totally unique story idea. I can’t wait to read it :blush:

1 Like

Thank you! I hope you enjoy it!

Is it possible to read my story?
The Title: Dirty Little Secret
Author Name : Anongirl
Episodes : 5
Style : Ink
Genre : drama/romance/mystery
Description : A new girl in town. Briella Hart. She gets detention thanks to Grayson Sanders. She hates him and he hates her. These two play a cat-and-mouse game. But who is the winner?
Link: https://www.episodeinteractive.com/write/story/Demi_Lovato_GAAj
Cover :
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1 Like

Of course! Because a few people have already requested a review it may take a little longer. I’ll definitely have a read though!

1 Like

Thanks!

1 Like

Title: Red Rose
Author: Lauren.C.Sibley
Story Description: Maria is sent to ThistleThorne Academy, a unisex boarding school which is filled with love, betrayal, and lies, but when a murder occurs, secrets begin to unravel.
Chapters: There are 8 but I will be publishing more!
Style: Limelight
Genre: Drama
Link: https://www.episodeinteractive.com/s/6229842812338176

1 Like

Feel free to review mine :slight_smile:

My story: © Tribe of Malapinchi
Author: Jannah Jackson
Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Horror/Fantasy/Adventure
Description: Toss into a land of the sun, magic, lies and dark secrets in Asia. Can you survive, solve the havoc and save everyone before it’s too late? CharacterCustomization
Episodes: 5/6
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5909308359180288

Cover

1 Like

I would love my story being reviewed

Title: The Star Necklace

Description: you are the most rich girl in your country in addition you’re famous but what happens when the Star Necklace uncovers your true identity

Genere: Drama

Author: Mayah

Limited CC

1 Like
1 Like

@HelVamp
I have recently revamped chapters (1-6). I would love some review about it.

  • Title: Black hearts Golden desires
  • Author: Madhu
  • Chapters: 6
  • Description: Nand , a sorcerer princess of Solataria has two beautiful loving sisters, her other two halves. But what will happen if it becomes the vice versa and an old enemy arises back for revenge? Will Nand be able to overcome it ? Or will she fail?
    Cover:

1 Like

i would love a review as well! thanks! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

please do me a favor and drag me through the mud :joy::joy:

Title: Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
Author: Marshmallow O.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy (Thriller)
Style: Limelight
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6250660385652736
Summary: It’s a race against time as you and your friends try to escape the mysterious sleepover that you were invited to… Read to uncover the Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane.

Cover

image

Chapters: 5 (More to come)

Full CC/Choices Matter/Point System/Advanced Directing!:blush:

1 Like

Confessions of a female jock- QueenIvy
Episode 1 Review.

First Impressions

I love the simplicity of the cover, it’s eye catching and captures the tone of the story perfectly.
I’m not sure why the character customisation is limited to only medium and dark skin tones?
I absolutely love the fact that the MC’s dad has a boyfriend. Unexpected but good representation!

Other notes

When Raquel is speaking, the MC keeps the same facial expression from her last line. Maybe add a reaction animation.
You don’t need to pan on every new background. I’d limit it to improve its efficiency.
The story reminds me of ‘She’s the man’ (the film) in a way. Although, I only read the first episode so that could be misleading.

Overall

The story has a good flow and rhythm, I like the MC’s drive and determination. The grammar and spelling are consistent and excellent. The story itself has a relaxed, humorous tone.
I particularly liked ‘no dating until you’re married!
I would have liked full customization and to have been able to choose a name.
I think the Dad character could make some more jokes. It would be a good opportunity for ‘cheesy dad humour’.
Overall you’ve done a good job with directing and dialogue. Well done!
I’m not a fan of the INK style, but you’ve done well to make this look good :slight_smile:
7/10!

1 Like

Thank you so much, Hel! I appreciate your review and pointers! If you get the chance to read more please do let me know of other areas for improvement :slight_smile:

1 Like

Hi,
If you still have some time for reviews, I would love one :slight_smile:
My story is called I made the devil cry.
Dark fantasy
Author Šebule
3 chapters, (4 is almost ready)
Limelight, Choices matter
You’re a soldier, trying to save your kingdom from darkness. Struggle with your fate which you can’t escape from. Face hopeless situations, make decisions. And don’t worry, it can’t be worse… Could it?


Thank you!

1 Like