Dialogue help please!

If someone could help me with this dialogue that would be great!
It’s supposed to be narration and the thoughts going on in the MC’s head.
Could it be more romantic, or maybe could it have better wording/grammar?
Synopsis of Script:
MC has a BF at home, but she dances with this “beautiful stranger” and falls in love. (Love at first sight you could say)
But she knows what she’s doing is wrong so she just embraces the moment while she can, hoping to forget it and never tell anyone. She kisses the boy.
This felt wrong.
I had a boyfriend at home. He was a good one.
But I looked into this beautiful stranger’s eyes.
His beautiful eyes…
I got lost in them, dancing with him.
The moon shone, illuminating his face.
I held tight and let the moment go on as long as possible.
I knew I would never see him again.
Then I remembered Kyle again.
But I couldn’t help what I was about to do.
I swore to myself I would never do this again.

But for this moment, I let it happen
I kissed him hard.
I felt his cool, perfect minty breath.
His soft lips on mine.
He kissed me back

This girl was so beautiful.
I had just met her but it all felt right, she was perfect.
Was this love at first sight?
I wanted to just be, to just have this one perfect moment.
She didn’t know my secrets.
Nothing bad could happen, I’d never see her again.
She’s forget me, I wouldn’t.
It would be fine.
So I kissed her back.

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Maybe get rid of:

“He was a good one.”

Just bc it would make the words flow a bit better

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Really late here so this might be utter garbage and have mistakes but here is something I came up with on the top of my head. If you don’t like it or someone else comes up with something better then I was never here. :eyes:


This was wrong and I knew my conscience was going to eat me alive later for it.
What about Kyle?
He doesn’t deserve this.
Though I couldn’t deny what the instant attraction I felt for this stranger.
I got lost in the dance or maybe it was his eyes.
The moon shone over him only enhancing his beauty.
But it is only a one time thing, it’s not like I would ever see him again, right?
Yet again the image of Kyle burned in the front of my mind.
How could I do this to such a good guy?
No matter how much I was fighting myself, I gave into my own stupidity and kissed him.

The woman in front of me had a beauty that stood out to me.
What was this, “love at first sight”?
I knew I wanted to see her again but knowing my luck that would never happen.
Maybe it’s for the best anyway…
There would be no expectations, no need for her to know the secrets I kept deep down.
I mean she will end up forgetting this even if I knew I wouldn’t.
So I gave in to the moment and returned her kiss.


:nail_care: :scream:
stolen thanks


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Moved to Share Feedback since this is about story ideas and not coding. Make sure to check out our Forum Tutorial for more info about creating topics, and feel free to PM me if you’ve got questions. :smiley:

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