I think I have something to say now.
Thoughts and Self expressions (this is long)
Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to write stories and direct movies and act in them. I had a strong imagination and I would always imagine my future self doing amazing things and being known and showing everybody who I truly am.
I was born extremely early and from that I had problems in my childhood (especially around the age of 8). When I was 3 years old, I developed a social anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism which caused me not to speak in most situations. I would talk with my family but not at school or any other social event but through all this I still kept dreaming and imagining my future.
When I was about 10 years old, I became really upset with my life. I still didn’t talk and I stopped seeing a future for myself and a purpose I had. This continued but eventually I got back into my future plans and hopes.
When I was around 12, I started writing episode stories. Although, I did it on my phone and I couldn’t release it (until I found the portal).
Around August last year, I finally released a story. In September I released a story about my life and my life around the age that I had stopped seeing my purpose. I thought that when I published my story, I would feel like I’ve achieved something amazing and I’m getting so much closer to who I want to be and, honestly, at the time I finally released my story, I felt that way. But now I feel like it isn’t enough and I need more acknowledgement.
Now, my stories collectively have a little over 100 reads and I honestly am happier in my life. But, now I’ve realised that it’s going to take a whole lot more work to get where I want to be and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do it.
My plan was that by the end or 2022 I would somehow write, star and release a tv show that I have been working on. I’ve always planned my future like that and now I realise that setting an exact date is not the way to go. I know that now but without planning anything for my future I feel like my dreams aren’t going to come true.
I’m also very very worried about going back to school. Schools in Australia are going back and I’m really upset that I have to go back because I struggle so much at school. I don’t have Selective Mutism anymore but I’m still extremely shy. I also really hoped I would change schools by term 2. I have wanted to move schools for 7 years and every option seems like it’s not worth it.
I hope somebody understands.