Right back at you 
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Thank you 
!
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Just to put it out there:
Open if you wish
I pt my thoughts and etc. that I fear talking about in stories.
I feel like this sometimes, like…it’s embarrassing to talk about…
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That’s totally fine! I do the same. It feels like, if I have troubling saying it, i’ll write it down. It’s a lot of weight lifted off the shoulders.
Bump!
This is really nice of you to make such an amazing tread like this 
I have thoughts but my hand is hurting,too much online school typing and with friends 
so myb another time
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Thank you 
.
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This is a great thread, thank you for making it 
this is going to be longgg
I want to be a kid. I was a young carer, abused and bullied until I was 12, and then as a result of that, I got mental illnesses and my childhood has been completely stolen from me. I’m so different to all my friends. I’d never been to a theme park, I’ve never done a jigsaw puzzle, I’ve never had nutella, I’d never been anywhere with my family. All the little things that my friends took for granted, I never did because instead I was at home being screamed at. I missed an entire academic year of school because of my mental illness. I’ve missed so much of this year too. I want to be able to go to school, go out with my friends, eat whatever I want, laugh, smile, do gymnastics again, do ballet again. But I can’t. I have to grow up so fast and I’m scared that I won’t ever be able to be a kid, ever. I want my childhood back. Everyone complains about homework and boring classes but I would do almost anything to have that normal life like everyone else. But instead, I’m screaming and crying at home, or in hospital under constant supervision because I tried to end my life again. I’ve missed shows and performances, had to quit the sport that I loved with all my heart, I’ve hurt my family because I was blind with pure heartbreak and depression and lashed out, physically and emotionally. Every time I take a shower I scream and cry because of my chronic illness. I’m staying up all night having panic attacks or scratching at my skin until there’s blood all over the sheets because my stupid skin has an allergic reaction to any type of water. And then I cry about it and my skin reacts to my tears. I don’t even know what people my age do. I don’t know how to be normal. I wish I did.
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Bump!
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How is harmful criticism allowed? It makes no sense.
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Sorry for the late response! I’m very sorry that you had to go thorough that. It breaks my heart that you were put in that kind of situation. Honestly, i’m still young but, i really want to go back when I was even younger. The world seemed so “right” back then. The air, the atmosphere, and the sun. I truly feel like the Sun shined brighter in the 2000’s. But now, it’s so gloomy which reflex my mood most of the time 
.
I bash myself all the time and live in fear because of myself. I am my own worst enemy and i’m pretty of ashamed of that. I’m always afraid of failure. I often ask myself “If no one had my back in this world, would I survive? If I can’t motivate myself nor love myself, who would listen to me.” I have been blessed many of times but, i’m finally realizing that I was taking it for granted by not loving myself enough for the life I was given.
There are so many conflicted feelings that spin within my mind and to be honestly, it’s really toxic. The last couple of days, I’ve changed a bit and I noticed that the sun shines just as bright as it used to 
.
With the current situation right now, i’m sure this might be just as hard for you. I’m sorry that you felt like you’ve missed out on your childhood. All I can say is, live for today. I know it’s hard not getting the time you want back. Unfortunately, we can’t (but I want to at moments as well). But, there are brighter days ahead. It might get tough but just stay strong for yourself and be your biggest supporter! Give yourself all the love that you need. Maybe, take some time out of the day just to free your mind and take a breather.
If you ever need someone to talk to (especially when you’re having a bad day, feel free to message me anytime I’m truly praying and rooting for you. I
(Sorry if I sound a bit to poetic about the sun part lol)
Also, thank you 
!
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I think I have something to say now.
Thoughts and Self expressions (this is long)
Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to write stories and direct movies and act in them. I had a strong imagination and I would always imagine my future self doing amazing things and being known and showing everybody who I truly am.
I was born extremely early and from that I had problems in my childhood (especially around the age of 8). When I was 3 years old, I developed a social anxiety disorder called Selective Mutism which caused me not to speak in most situations. I would talk with my family but not at school or any other social event but through all this I still kept dreaming and imagining my future.
When I was about 10 years old, I became really upset with my life. I still didn’t talk and I stopped seeing a future for myself and a purpose I had. This continued but eventually I got back into my future plans and hopes.
When I was around 12, I started writing episode stories. Although, I did it on my phone and I couldn’t release it (until I found the portal).
Around August last year, I finally released a story. In September I released a story about my life and my life around the age that I had stopped seeing my purpose. I thought that when I published my story, I would feel like I’ve achieved something amazing and I’m getting so much closer to who I want to be and, honestly, at the time I finally released my story, I felt that way. But now I feel like it isn’t enough and I need more acknowledgement.
Now, my stories collectively have a little over 100 reads and I honestly am happier in my life. But, now I’ve realised that it’s going to take a whole lot more work to get where I want to be and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do it.
My plan was that by the end or 2022 I would somehow write, star and release a tv show that I have been working on. I’ve always planned my future like that and now I realise that setting an exact date is not the way to go. I know that now but without planning anything for my future I feel like my dreams aren’t going to come true.
I’m also very very worried about going back to school. Schools in Australia are going back and I’m really upset that I have to go back because I struggle so much at school. I don’t have Selective Mutism anymore but I’m still extremely shy. I also really hoped I would change schools by term 2. I have wanted to move schools for 7 years and every option seems like it’s not worth it.
I hope somebody understands.
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