Does anyone else here have distorted perception of love because of Episode? Like I have read so many stories with so many different love interests and I’ve literally seen everything from grand love gestures (where LI reserves the whole restaurant to impress MC or takes her on a vacation in his private plane) to simple tokens of appreciation (like LI remembering some small details about MC like her favourite kind of coffee). And I know that not everyone irl can do stuff our epi-hotties do but some small signs of love and kindness are not too much to ask for. And it really makes me think I will never find someone to share my life with (I am 20 now and I have never been in a relationship) simply because I expect certain things from a person I am interested in and in the end I end up very disappointed. But also I think it’s not just problem in me, because a lot of guys today are like “wanna go to my place” or “nice peach you have there” or just simply “send nudes” like they don’t even try (although maybe even better cause I wouldn’t want to be with someone that shallow) and I am genuinely interested what is happening in that brain of theirs like do they really think girls are going to like that and that they are going to score? I have never met anyone that makes me blush and lose my mind like our MC does, nor have I ever felt those sparks and fire inside me. I am wondering are those stuff even real at this point and has Episode set me up for a failure? Are my standards too high because of Episode? I have been on a lot of dates and met my fair share of bad guys and I have not even one sweet romantic memory where I felt those butterflies in my stomach. So I am interested in what you guys think? And how are your experiences with dating and love? Are all those stuff that happen in stories even real? Is Episode setting bar too high or am I just that unlucky that I haven’t had the pleasure of finding the right person yet? Let me know your opinions on this!
I may not be a good person to respond (I’m a bit younger and also haven’t been in a relationship), but I feel like Episode (and of course other reading platforms) don’t set the bar too high, but maybe distort reality… Not sure if that makes sense, but I think it makes certain things seem more possible etc.
I had a discussion with someone on this topic (I think they are replying right now as well so I’ll let them say more because they have a lot of knowledge on this), but if you want feel free to check out that post (its like a romance one that I made).
Anyway, I’ll let them respond, but I hope things are ok for you and feel free to reach out to anyone if you have questions or just need a chat!
Aww you are so sweet, thank you!
Yes, sometimes Episode sets unrealistic standards of what an actual relationship looks like such as the example you provided about reserving a whole restaurant. That being said, all relationships should have some token of appreciation like remembering that coffee order or just even knowing when your partner needs a hug. If you don’t have those butterflies in your stomach when you are on a date with someone or you can’t see yourself with that person in the distant future then they are not for you and there is nothing wrong with that. You are still young and many people don’t find “the one” until they’re in their late 20s and a lot even older than that. So, I definitely don’t think your standards are too high for wanting a loving partner, but I would just add the reminder that all relationships take work and aren’t perfect 100% of the time.
I don’t think they set the bar too high… Though there might be instances where we expect a little more from others bcs of what episode LIs (or people from shows, books, movies) do to their loved ones- and that’s okay (bcs I’d rather wait to be with the one who will treat me right and vice-versa, rather than getting in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value me at all)
It’s sad that some Episode stories show only the “good” sides of having a relationship and just that. The only time when characters have a problem with their s/o is when there’s miscommunication (like when MC sees LI talking to a girl casually and MC assumes LI is flirting with the girl)
I guess it really depends on the environment they are in if the person you’ll interact with is the type who goes “hey send noodles” or if they’ll be the type who will remember minor details about you and is interested in the hobbies you have
I still think there are some good, wholesome people out there :> (just the optimism in me)
Thank you for your reply! You are right. But also it makes me a little sad cause a lot of my friends are in relationships rn and they look so happy with their significant other and also my parents met when my mom was just 16 and they were already dating by the time she was 17 (my dad is 7 years older) and they had me when my mom was 25 and 4 years later they had my sister. They still have almost perfect relationship (my dad buys her flowers, they make surprises for each other, they are still very playful and are tickling and chasing each other around the house) and I admire them so much for it but it also makes me very sad because I am scared I will never get to experience something like that and sometimes I think they are just old school and that today there are not many guys like that left.
I love romance but my husband is not romantic
He is super sweet.
It goes back to your expectations and what you want to deal with as well. I never had to date anyone online, so I am grateful I met my husband in college. Yes, I had butterflies when we interacted. He is a gentleman. I wasn’t looking for anyone to date at the time.
I had time to get to know him as a friend first before we dated. Half a year of observing on my end.
I think online dating maybe too convenient and impersonal for some. It is hard to quietly observe someone’s character over the Internet.
Wow thanks for your insight. I am so happy for you! You guys sound very sweet! You are so lucky that you found your person!
Hello there! Hopefully I can contribute to this thread a little with what I came to know.
Short answer: yes, Episode does distort the concept of love way too much, but after all that happens in pretty much lots of other media (think of movies, books, TV series…)
See I feel like the problem here is that you expect something from the other party. Don’t get me wrong, lots of people do (me included at the start of my own relationship). But I feel like that’s too demanding on the other person and vice versa. You find yourself expecting more and more everytime and you’ll never be completely satisfied. In the beginning you might want him to be kind and respect you, but as more time passes you start feeling bored and expect him to spice things up. It’s an endless cycle. I found the perfect quote to describe this: do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.
The trick is to not expect anything from anyone.
This is not a necessary part of building a lasting relationship. The fire burning, the butterflies… according to research it’ll all be gone in a matter of a few months to a few years anyways. In terms of evolution, humans feeling that way towards one another improved the chances of conceiving new humans and growing the population. But it was never meant to last! What remains afterwards (if it’s there) is love, affection. If falling in love is like fireworks, love is like a heater. Nice and warm at just the right temperature. Speaking from my own experience, love is not a burning passion, it’s rather a feeling of comfort.
I believe the media does depict a very dramatic, very firey version of what ‘true love’ is about. But the truth is that it’s nothing like that. I felt my life falling apart once I realized I was no longer ‘in love’ with my boyfriend. I just had to learn about what was left!
Love is in the small things of everyday life, it’s about consoling one another during the hard times, it’s about appreciating one another, letting the other person be happy and feeling accomplished, wishing the very best things for them. And if the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal.
So my advice is, don’t go desperately looking for that person. They could cross your path at any moment and you just have to welcome them. Forget about Episode stories, as long as you have similar goals in life and you’re willing to grow together as a team, you’ll have nothing to worry about
It takes time. Just have fun and don’t rush into anything hastily. You are young and relationships can be taxing while you are still trying to get to know yourself and what you want.
Thanks! Yeah that’s true relationship are often portrayed as perfect with some minor cliche fights. And I really hope you are right and that there are some people like that left out there
Your parents sound like they have a beautiful relationship and it’s amazing that they love each other like that after all that time. I guess the important thing in the future would be to remember not to compare your dates or significant others to your parents or friends relationships. Love comes in all different shapes and sizes. I absolutely believe there are still guys out there that will buy you flowers and show you the love you deserve. Again, just remember, relationships take time and effort and is not happy all the time, even though people and stories would make you want to believe that.
Wow that was deep, I really like how you explain things and the way you think! I agree with you about most things, but I can’t see myself building a relationship without feeling that desire and spark, I get what you meant and I know that it may disappear one day but by the time it happens that feelings will already be replaced by deep love, compassion and respect towards one another, whereas so early in a relationship when love and deep connection is still not that strongly present I think it’s still important to feel at least a little excited and flustered over your partner. If I feel nothing inside me when I am with a person I don’t really see myself falling for that said person. We can be friends but I don’t see us going anywhere beyond that. Although I do agree that there are far more important things in a relationship itself other than spark and butterflies, I also think that for relationship to happen in the first place there has to be at least a little spark present towards the other person.
Yes they do indeed Yeah that’s true, I know it’s not good to compare but sometimes people can’t help themselves BUT I AM working on it! Thank you for your encouragement
I love love love that explanation. You definitely have a way with words.
Oh of course, obviously you need to want to be with that person in the first place. If nothing ties you to them it’s hard to proceed from there! What I meant was rather, you don’t need to spectacularly fall in love with them to want to be in a relationship
Even a more humble connection, an excitement to be around them can do the trick. Everyone will feel different things as they start to fall in love and that’s perfectly okay!
I’d also like to say that it’s okay if you don’t feel anything towards anyone. You’re not broken and there is nothing wrong with you. Don’t compare your life to that of others because others are not living your life. Simple as that. Only you will truly know what it’s like to be you. And ‘you’ is not ‘us’ nor ‘them’. Perhaps you’ll learn with time that romance is not for you at all, or maybe you’ll eventually find someone to commit yourself to.
What matters is that you listen to yourself and keep exploring yourself. The inevitability of life is change, and it’s important that you embrace this as you journey through your own life. Learn how to accept yourself fully and no matter what, and you’ll learn how to do the same with other people. It’s the best gift you could ever receive!
I agree with @smithsgray! You definitely have a way with words, the way you write is just so beautiful! Thank you so much for you advice and reassuring and kind words!
I’m glad to hear that! And no problem, really
@maree_s OMG you read my thoughts!!
@latasha_b My situation is a little different than maree_s . My boyfriend and I are more than 15 years together… And to be honest… He is not romantic at all… But I can’t think about a life without him. I met him when I was 23 and he is 8 years older. What I try to say is: don’t give your hope up. Find out who you are, first. And you will meet the love of your life (guy or girl, doesn’t matter…) mostly at a moment that you don’t expect it.
Episode distorts a lot of reality, if you think about it. Most authors write what they think certain situations are supposed to look like. Now, I can’t speak on people’s experiences because we all go through life differently but you can’t base off what a relationship looks like because you read an episode story that ends with two people in love and having kids.
I’m in a relationship right now and our journey is nothing like those in stories. We met on an online dating app, we were on and off for a couple years, decided to build a friendship then we started officially dating. You don’t see many slow burn romances in stories. You don’t see the harsh reality of relationships, two people from different backgrounds, trying to make it work. You don’t see the feelings and how love develops over time. You don’t see any of that because who the hell wants to read that?? (Not me and I’m sure not all of you.)
Episode isn’t the only place where it distorts reality of love. We see it it in Hollywood. I mean I’m a hopeless romantic and before I had a boyfriend, I thought love was like those in rom coms. I thought love was going to be easy. It’s not. You won’t know what it really is until you are in one.
But I will say, episode stories do have some truth to it. There are some moments where love is real, through actions and even those long cheesy speeches of “why they love you”.
Unfortunately as a whole, relationships are not what it looks like in those stories.