a few years ago i had a story reviews thread here on the forums that i LOVED doing before i took a break due to school. BUT NOW I’M BACK!ꨄ
with that being said, i am still in school (nursing school at that!!) be gracious and patient with me - nursing professors love to swamp their students with loads of work randomly. ):<
i’m not gonna ramble on for too long, but just drop your story links down below and i’ll read the first episode of your story. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
here is what i’ll be giving feedback on:
feedback form
first impressions (cover, description, intro) • directing rating (spotting/animations/zooms/speechbubbles/overlays) • grammar rating • plot rating • chapter length • will i continue reading • overall rating •
please be aware these reviews are NOT intended to hurt your feelings; it is simply to critique your writing/coding to help you improve! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
of course you don’t have to take any of my criticism & apply them. these are just my personal opinions; what i may dislike - another person may love!
Hey, I would love to hear what feedback you have for my first story!
STORY: Amenable Ana
GENRE: Fantasy - Romance
DESCRIPTION: Born cursed with obedience, Princess Ana is under everyone’s spell. What happens when the sons of a rival kingdom are forced to move in, arranged by Ana’s once hesitant mother?
Title: My New Beginning Author: Shivali Genre: Adventure Style: Limelight Episodes: 20 - more coming out
Are you ready to arise from the shadows of your past & find love’s true potential? Will you find the strength to conquer your inner demons, or will it conflict with your soulmate? Other Info Full CC of MC, family & friends, LI. Bonus Scenes, Art Scenes, Point System, Choices Matter, Hollywood Recommended Badge Episode Writer Portal
Title: Fabled: Chasing The Sun & Moon Author: Shivali Genre: Fantasy (Mystery/Romance) Style: Limelight Episodes: 9- Outgoing Description: Azula must bring her mom back to life! Vampire Royal’s agreed to help, yet her Werewolf family HATES Vampires. There is only one way to make it work by choosing, the Sun or the Moon? Other Info Full CC of MC, family, LI.'s Bonus Scenes, Art Scenes, Point System, Choices Matter, Rainbow Hidden Gem Badge, Second Place of Best Romantic Partnership - Episode Awards 2023 Episode Writer Portal
spotting: overall good job! some things i caught though:
click here for more!
in the first scene where hailey is taking sal’s order, it looks as though she is sitting in the booth with him rather than taking his order. make sure you move hailey to higher layer than the booth overlay to make it look like she is standing in front of the booth - not behind it.
when hailey is outside of the diner smoking (where she meets damien), they both look huge compared to the diner building itself. in this scenario, i would recommend using spot commands and zooming on the characters to make it look more realistic.
i also noticed that the characters change sizes as they exit the screen. this is because you’ve used spot commands, and then had them leave by using the @CHAR exits left/right command. to avoid this issue, have the character walk to a position offscreen using the spot command. this will keep them the same size!
zooms: there aren’t many zooms, but some of them look a bit awkward.
click here for more!
first scene where hailey is taking sal’s order, the zoom looks a little off. i would suggest lowering the camera a bit so that the character’s are the more focal part of the screen.
i noticed that you don’t really use zooms while character’s are conversing. i personally think zooms really spice up and dimension to the story! the reader’s eyes are constantly being stimulated from the camera angle changes, which keeps them hooked!
speech bubbles: i would recommend making the speech bubbles a tadddd bit smaller so that you have more room to work with on your screen, and so it does not potentially cover too much of the characters. i would also recommend double checking to the make sure the speech bubble tail lines up with the character who is saying the line. there were some instances where it did not match; for example: when hailey is in the diner taking sal’s order and he is conversing with her, his speechbubble looks as though it’s coming from hailey.
animations: animation usage was great. the animations matched what the character was saying, and i also like that you used transition animations when getting rid of a prop from a character.
overlays: amazing!! i absolutely loved the overlay usage in the club and how you animated them - it looked so smooth and realistic! the only overlay that i noticed had an issue was the booth overlay in the diner: just remember to use layers to ensure they’re in the right place compared to the characters!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ grammar rating: grammar is pretty good; nice job! (:
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ plot rating: i was a bit confused on what the plot was supposed to be exactly; i feel like everything happened a bit too fast. i would like a little bit more character building so that we have a bit more background to at least hailey.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ chapter length: chapter length was a little on the shorter side, but i didn’t mind. i would recommend adding in a little bit more scenes that give the reader a bit of information about hailey and any other information that may be relevant in the story (i.e. when hailey went to that job interview, it was very abrupt and i was confused a little bit).
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ will i continue reading: yes! i think your story has a lot of potential (:
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ overall rating: 7/10 - nice story! thank you for allowing me to review it! ꨄ
Tysm for doing this! Another thing: Ch.1 is definitely a long episode according to many. Just want to disclose this. My mindset is that I would rather make a longer episode than a short one. It’s like 2 chapters in one; I like to make up for passes. HOWEVER, I took that critique from others to heart and toned it down. Make sure you have a snack on hand lol.
TITLE: Thrill of the Hunt GENRE: Thriller/murder mystery/psychological horror STYLE: Limelight PLOT: With a sadist hunting down strippers, Esme is a jaded lead investigator paired with a beautiful stranger. Forced to confront her fears, will more self-destruction follow? CC: Semi b/c of advanced directing/artistic purposes. 1 love interest. MC is half Egyptian/Middle Eastern WOC, LI is white and half Romanian. TRIGGER WARNINGS: Story is narrated in a detached tone. Some themes will be unsettling/upsetting to readers. e.g. failing mental health/suicide/DV. A permanent TW for those with a fear of needles. I adhere to TOS as best as I can.
hi @angel.rose! i’ve finished your story review - tysm!!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ first impressions (cover, description, intro):
i don’t know how to explain it, but as soon as i tapped your story i had a feeling it was going to be well-directed/coded. both the small and large covers are absolutely AMAZING; i would immediately click it just from the title and cover if i scrolled upon your story! (: P.S. the first scene already had me DYING! i loved cj & kara’s mini dance routine ahahhaha!!
spotting: spotting was great! i noticed you use scaling with different characters. it’s a small detail, but i love it! it adds dimensions and realism to your characters!
zooms: i also love your use of zooms! however, sometimes the zoom effects were a bit extreme. for example: in the first scene where cj and kara are dancing, i think a bouncein/out zoom effect is used when switching the camera from kara to cj, which looked a little weird to me. another thing was the scene where daniel was working on the car: the zooms in the beginning of that scene threw me off just a little bit. other than that, good job!
speech bubbles: speech bubbles were perfecctttt!! not too big, not too small, and they were placed in good spots on the screen: not too low or high!
overlays: amazing overlay usage as well! the point scene where althea pointed to the intern was a nice touch!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ grammar rating: grammar was great other than some minor things that i noticed:
click me for more!
you had a few comma splices in some places.
sometimes you would split sentences into two bubbles, and instead of indicating that they were together (using something like a dash or “…”), you made them two separate sentences. i would advise adding “…” before a sentence that is meant to be a continuation of the one from a previous bubble to make it more clear to readers.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ plot rating: 10/10! i loveee this trope so much, and i can’t wait to see how it turns out!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ chapter length: chapter length was average - nice!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ will i continue reading: yes yes yes!!! you’ve earned yourself a loyal reader!! i’ll probably read episodes 2&3 in bed tonight.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ overall rating: 10/10. nice job love!! thank you for allowing me to review your story!
@saphire@shiv.episode@azariasin - your stories look so interesting! i will get started on your reviews sometime tonight - if not, definitely tomorrow! ˚ʚ:heart:ɞ˚
I will definitely post my story here when I publish!
It’s not done yet but I’m working on it, link in my profile! If you wish you can follow me on IG @Mirwren.writesepisode✨
Hey I’d love an honest review
Thank you for this thread
Title: Espionage
Author: Simply_Sophie
Style: Ink
Genres: Action, Drama, Romance,
Main Genre: Action
Amount of chapters: 3
Ongoing!
CC: No
Number of LI’s: 1 (but won’t be able to choose)
Cover:
Story description: Aiden is a lethal CIA agent on the battle field, but on a team of the worlds best? While taking down an international threat romance, drama and the past catch up…
Description: Childhood friends to enemies. Now colleagues. Forced to organize a Valentine’s event. Will the love themed preparations soften broken hearts or deepen the rivalry?
ꨄ
STORY: Amenable Ana
tysm !
both the small and large covers are absolutely AMAZING; i would immediately click it just from the title and cover if i scrolled upon your story! (: P.S. the first scene already had me DYING! i loved cj & kara’s mini dance routine ahahhaha!!
