Double Check, Episode 1, Of my new story


#1

Hey everybody i would love if someone would give me response, of my story… Write if you think its good or bad, plus give me ideas im pretty stuck…


#2

@CecilieCreate Already some feedback, can you let the main character change their hair color or no?


#3

I can’t then the cover i made, won’t look right.


#4

@CecilieCreate its fine and also, for the part where you get to choose where you get a cookie or a donut, make sure to take the prop out of her hand.


#5

Okay, i will check again :smiley:


#6

Thanks for the feedback!


#7

And for the locker room have a space between locker and room.


#8

I have already changed that!


#9

But do you have some ideas or something?


#10

for “you sounds really cool.” part change sounds to sound.


#11

Okaay…


#12

For the “I” parts capitalize the i’s


#13

Because it doesn’t make sense.


#14

?.. What do you mean???


#15

For the part where someone says “You sounds really cool. wanna hang out for lunch?” part changes sounds to sound. Because when you read it it sounds better than sounds.


#16

@CecilieCreate Also, what is the storyline for this story?


#17

I have changed it :smiley:


#18

What’s a storyline…
Sorry English is not my main.


#19

Basically, it is what the story is about.


#20

Oh, :smile: its about Avery, her life in a new school and a new city…How she gets friends and boyfriends, how she get cheated on, and that stuff :smiley: And one day her Mom gets really sick, and Avery have to help her…