Elizabeth's Episode Reviews

~Elizabeth’s Episode Reviews~

Hi everyone! I’m opening a review workshop! I’ve perused some of the other review workshops in this section and I think I could provide some helpful criticism to anyone who is interested as well.

About me: I have studied English literature. I’m probably better at reading and analyzing than writing lol. I am a stickler for grammar, so if that’s something you think you struggle with, I can definitely help.

About my reviews: In my reviews, I intend to be very honest with any criticisms. I do not plan on sugar coating anything. If I don’t tell you what you need to work on, how can you improve with my review? I am not, however, going into the review with the intention to be mean or cruel. If you think that I was disrespectful or that I crossed some sort of line, please PM me so we can talk about it and go over what made you upset.

I will only review your first three chapters maximum. However If you story is COMPLETE at 4 or 5 chapters, let me know. I may review all of it if you let me know.

It will take me about 2-3 days per review, just depending on my free time so please be patient.

I will review in order by who completes the form first.

I’m really excited to read your stories and I hope I find some great new stories to read! :slight_smile:

What I am reviewing:
  • Grammar and punctuation
  • Plot intricacy and narration
  • Readability (did the plot make sense, was it easy to follow, was I being held up by any big errors in grammar, spelling, or plot holes?)
  • Originality
  • Characters (concept and depth)
  • Directing
  • Extras (CC, diversity, teasers, music, art scenes, etc.)
  • If you created your own world Immersion (Can I believe in this world you created? Does it make sense? Are there a lot of elements used to create this world?)
  • First Impressions
  • Bright spots :sunny:
  • Pitfalls :confounded:
  • Would I recommend this story?
  • Overall impression
Please fill this out in order for me to review :)

Title:

Genre:

Description:

Cover: (optional)

How many episodes you would like me to review:

What are you most proud of with your story?

What do you think are some of your pitfalls?

What do you want me to pay the most attention to?

What is your goal for the story?

What made you want to write this story/where did your inspiration come from?

Is there anything I should be aware of going into your story?

I.e. English isn’t your first language, it’s your first story, you had difficulty with directing, etc.

Waiting List:
8 Likes

I would love to!

Genre: Adventure/Fantasy/Comedy (If that makes sense)
Title: Save Me, Hero!
Author: Turtle Cat!
Plot/Summary: After powerless Hero moves from a town where everyone has superpowers, she gets kidnapped by a group of fugitives who are forcing her to join them. What will she do?
Style: Ink
I published this a few days ago, so it only has 3 episodes
Please review 3 episodes.
Most proud of:
I like the fact that it’s my own story and not too clique. I feel it’s unique.
Pitfalls:
Not the best directing.
Pay Attention Too:
The story itself. Like the plot line.
Inspiration:
Mostly anime! Some of Marvel stuff.
Be Aware Of:
I made all the art myself within the first three episodes.
Cover:

HERE’S THE LINK!
Thank you so much for doing this! I hope you enjoy my story!

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Thanks Turtle_Cat! I’m really excited to read this :blush:

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I just edited my post. Please read since it goes with your forms! Thanks again and in advanced!:grin:

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Thank you I appreciate that! :relaxed:

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No, thank you!:heart:

Title: Bloodlust: Revenge Of The Pure Blood

Genre: Fantasy

Description: Charlotte has been kidnapped by her lover’s brother. Will she be rescued before it is too late?

Cover: Mean_Girls_X7ph_posterThumb_NLKGffAdQC

How many episodes you would like me to review
: 3, or as many episodes if you want to.

What are you most proud of with your story?
: Backgrounds, cover arts, that I created, and improving with my English.

What do you think are some of your pitfalls?
: Hm…overlays.

What do you want me to pay the most attention to?
: Anything.

What is your goal for the story?
: To complete it.

What made you want to write this story/where did your inspiration come from?
: Didnt had a inspiration just an idea that made me want to write this story.

Is there anything I should be aware of going into your story?
: Nope.

I.e. English isn’t your first language, it’s your first story, you had difficulty with directing, etc
.: Nope.

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Thanks Lanafrazer! Can’t wait to read your story! I’ll probably have the review done by tomorrow evening or Tuesday afternoon!

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Also I forgot to ask, is it okay if I post the review here?

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That’s perfect! Thank you!

Cool. Take your time. No rush.

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Save Me, Hero! Episode Review @Turtle_Cat

* Grammar and punctuation:

Good. There were very few grammar errors which I really appreciated! I made a note of a couple that I saw, just because I know it’s hard to catch them when you’re reading your own story.

  • First chapter
    • Instead of “This was gonna be great” This is gonna be
    • Mostly of excited
    • For the choice, “What I have one”
  • Second Chapter
    • I’ve been suffering for too long
    • Doesn’t seem too hard
    • Don’t get too cocky
  • Third Chapter
    • I was too cowardly instead of to cowardice
* Plot intricacy and narration:

I think what you have is a good start. I think your story is paced nicely and the narration isn’t over done. I could see as your story moves forward allowing secondary characters to have more of their own scenes which I think would be nice. I enjoyed the use of flashbacks as well.

  • I also think it was nice that you didn’t immediately give away what Jaxon and Axel were doing. BTW (I just KNEW Axel would be her brother! lol)
* Readability (did the plot make sense, was it easy to follow, was I being held up by any big errors in grammar, spelling, or plot holes?):

I wasn’t distracted by any bad grammar or misspellings which is good! The plot was easy to follow, but I realized I had a couple of questions.

  • What’s the difference between Shadaville and Pecklium?
  • Do gold choices only affect that one scene, just in what the other characters will respond?
  • Then in chapter 3,
    • When Hero wakes up in the hotel room; why isn’t Hero more upset or scared?
    • Why does Hero stay in the hotel lobby instead of running away from this crazy rude man that has abducted her?
    • Why does Hero immediately believe that Axel is her brother?
* Originality:

While you do have some cliches in your story, like what appears to be the bad boy Jaxon or the mean girls Brooke, Clair, and Tya, or that Hero was the only one without powers, or that it is another high school story, I’m curious to see what you do with them so you don’t allow them to become obvious and predictable. I think every story is bound to have some cliches, but it’s reworking them into something new and different that’s important. Focus on what makes your story different and original and really bring that to the forefront.

* Characters:

I liked Hero. She didn’t annoy me which is good lol. Your first three chapters didn’t go too far into some of the characters, but I appreciate that you tried to make each character original and with their own personality.

  • I’m really interested to see how these characters grow and develop throughout the story.
    • It’s hard trying to make (and portray) this perfectly thought-out and relatable character in just a couple of chapters, so really focus on bringing those characters to life as your story progresses
* Directing
  • You have some choices in there that affect scenes, but I would love to see you use more complex choices because I think that could really make your story stronger and more interesting to readers.
  • In the first chapter-No need to say sorry for the time skip. Don’t apologize. If you think it’s something worth apologizing for, maybe add more of a transition so it doesn’t seem so sudden.
  • Also in the first chapter-You had such nice transitions, right up until the last scene! Lol Maybe add one of your slower transitions to that last scene so we know the chapter is ending. It just felt a bit abrupt.
  • I didn’t think Jaxon looked taller in the hotel scene lol
* Extras:

You had it all!

  • Loved that you used teasers, character customizations, outfit choices, music, art, transitions, and text animations! I think these are things that give your story something extra, something different.
  • I also liked that each individual chapter had its own title. It’s a nice touch.
* Immersion
  • I would love to see more elements of this world you created! I think that would add some originality and creativity to your story!
  • Are powers something private in that world?
  • Is it rude to ask about them or to use them?
  • Does everyone in the entire world have powers?
  • Are there special rules and laws regarding powers?
  • How do this world incorporate powers into everyday living? For example, are people that are mind-readers cops?
  • I think if you can answer some of these questions in your story, it would create a more rich and interesting world!
* First Impressions:

The first thing I noticed was that you used music and I loved that! I loved the use of transitions because I don’t think as many stories use those transition effects.

* Bright spots
  • I enjoyed the character profile for her dad and would love to see more of those!
  • I think your directing was nice and you were able to make characters do more complex things like falling and walking on paths in the backgrounds.
* Pitfalls
  • Believability: I think if Hero is kidnapped, she shouldn’t be so chill about it. She should be angrier and scared. Otherwise, it’s like you’re trying to rush to the part where she just accepts it and believes so you can continue the story, but it’s hard to relate as a reader to those actions.
  • I think the world you’ve created has the potential to be incredibly cool, but I need MORE of it! Completely immerse us in your world! Otherwise it just feels flat and lacking dimension.
* Characters:

As I said, it’s really hard to show a well-rounded and strong character right in the beginning, so let that be a focus for you as you continue. I think all of your characters have potential, and I hope we get to know them on a deeper level as the story progresses.
* For example, maybe try answering some of those questions I brought up in the Readability section. Show us how Hero’s mind works more, make us understand what she is feeling and thinking. It not only helps with character development but also believability.

* Would I recommend this story?

I would recommend this story for anyone that like superpowers and things like that!

* Overall impression
  • I liked that this story wasn’t immediately boom in your face romance. I’m not sure if your story will have romance in it, but I liked that you began by trying to rope the reader in with characters and creativity instead of just high school romance.
    • I want to know more about the superpowers and how their world is different from ours
    • You left me with enough that I would like to continue reading your story and see how it develops each chapter.
    • Overall, nice story and I’m definitely adding it to my shelf so I can see how you develop it!
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Thanks sooooooo much for the review! I’m going to finish reading it after my homework!:heart:

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No problem! Thank you for sharing your story and I really hope you find my review helpful :blush:

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Title:Trouble In Princess Paradise

Genre:Fantasy

Description:How will Rose save the 4 kingdoms after things begin to fall apart after the Solar Eclipse?

Cover:
2c5d3aa7697f1c12b47aaf624b803fadf98f7593_1_281x500

How many episodes you would like me to review:3

What are you most proud of with your story?Directing, it really shows especially after the story goes on.

What do you think are some of your pitfalls?
Grammar

What do you want me to pay the most attention to?Plot

What is your goal for the story?To make my story as unique as possible

What made you want to write this story/where did your inspiration come from?It just came to me randomly since I’ve always been a lover of fantasy.

Is there anything I should be aware of going into your story?
Nothing I can think of besides it’s my first story.
I.e. English isn’t your first language, it’s your first story, you had difficulty with directing, etc.

1 Like

Title: XENA PIERCE
Genre: Action
Description: An HEIRESS, a DAUGHTER, a GIRL who seeks answers–guide XENA “KATSUMI” PIERCE as she battles in order to save her mother. Will she make it through? Her SURVIVAL depends on you.
Cover:
IMG_4806

Episodes to review: 3
What are you most proud of with your story?: The plot? (Not cliche)

What do you think are some of your pitfalls: Idk. Maybe you’ll find out.

What do you want me to pay the most attention to?: General. I mean equal attention to everything.

What is your goal for the story?: To give readers something new and exciting story.

What made you want to write this story/where did your inspiration come from?: I’m always looking for this kind of story in action but can’t find one, so I made one myself.

Is there anything I should be aware of going into your story?
None,

Thank you so much :blush::bowing_woman:t2::bowing_woman:t2:

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Alright, I just finished and I just want to say: THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GOOD REVIEW!
Thank you for the detail and letting me know what I can fix. I realize I left a lot of questions (that was the point) I promise they will be answered within the story one time or another!:wink:
May I ask who your favorite character was? I always ask people who review my story.
If you want any other questions answered without me spoiling it! I’d love to answer them for you, just pm me!
Once again, thank you soooooooo much for the really detailed review and I hope that you will continue it when more chapters come out!:grin::grin:

1 Like

Title: Search for love

Genre: Drama

Description:Your life turns upside down when you try to escape from a toxic situation! Can you find the love you are looking for trying to escape?

Cover: (optional)

How many episodes you would like me to review: If you dont like my story you dont have to continue it! (I mean it, just be honest.)

What are you most proud of with your story?
About my story meaning and about the messages I want to pass to you!

What do you think are some of your pitfalls?
I don’t think I have some…

What do you want me to pay the most attention to?
On my directing skills, the mean of the story, the plot.

What is your goal for the story?
To make my story more famous because in that way I will can to share with you my feelings, my ideas, my thoughts.

What made you want to write this story/where did your inspiration come from?
I inspire this story from my life! I decided to start write this story when my life was in no so much good time. That’s way my story I think have a good meaning!

Is there anything I should be aware of going into your story?
In my grammar mistakes! I know maybe they are a lot but I really try to fix them. As you understand English isn’t my first language so, yeah I’m trying…

Thank you for your time:)

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Ooh I’m excited to read this! I’ll try to have your review done by Wednesday! :slight_smile:

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This looks really interesting! I added your story to the waiting list :blush:

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