Review based on the first 2 chapters!
@LiaLopez ‘s review on her story, Rewinded Life
Your cover is great! Colourful, exciting, bright- everything you need to have a good story! I’m sure that 90% of the time, if someone saw that, they’d click on it! Rating: 9/10
The plot is great! It’s really original, a lot of fantasy and it made me excited to read on. I love Benio she’s my favourite character. I can sort of relate because I’m always the screeching one who is always crazy etc!! I also love how you have some aspects of Japanese in your dialogue! So original and cool! I love Japanese culture too!
Although, the one thing I would say is that your plot is quite confusing. I know it’s not supposed to unravel all at once, but maybe be more clear in what your story is about by dropping little hints or foreshadowing. (But maybe I’m just stupid and don’t understand a lot of things!) Rating: 7/10
Does it follow the guidelines?
Yes, it does! I don’t think there’s anything in your story that would get it taken down, it’s all good, original and completely acceptable for Episode! Rating: 9/10
Also, just some tips…
In one of the scenes, the lady is sitting on her head, but idk if that’s on purpose or not. I just wondered if it was an error.
In the other pic, Megan is describing what she did on that day, but I feel like you should use show not tell. For example, add in small flashbacks of when they’re at the mall and then explain, rather than have just dialogue. Some people (not me) would just tap through that dialogue because it’s not appealing just by itself. Obviously it’s important dialogue so that you understand that chapter so maybe make it a little more visual? But that’s just what I thought.
I also saw a few errors in your dialogue. Maybe it’s because English isn’t your first language, but I wouldn’t know. It’s fine to have errors, but sometimes it makes it hard to understand what some of the dialogue means!
Anyway overall, your story is great! I think that your plot is the best aspect of your story- and also the great character development! One thing I think you should really look over is your dialogue, just make sure that it makes as much sense as possible. And you could always go on the forums and make a thread saying that you would like to hire a proof reader to make sure your dialogue makes sense/is correct. There are many people who would do that for you!!
Overall Rating 8/10