🍂 F i r s t Impressions / Story Review Shop

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! Shouldn’t be more than a couple days. :^) 03/07/18

UPDATE 3/12/2018: I’ve noticed I’ve gotten really backed up with requests. The fact that I have to review three per request makes me procrastinate, and almost loathe reviewing. Therefore, I’M ONLY REVIEWING ONLY ONE EPISODE PER REVIEW REQUEST FROM NOW ON. Like I said in the rules below, you can request again as many times as you want if you want me to do more!

:blossom: Want a substantial review that doesn’t shy away from telling you where you can improve?

If so, you’ve come to the right place!

For the longest time, I’ve wanted to review stories like I see many people doing here. So, I finally decided to start! :^)

A warning: I will be completely honest in my reviewing. Maybe even brutally honest. This is not intended to hurt, but to help you improve.

:bouquet: How to Request A Review
Simply fill out the form below! But first, some rules and clarifications.

  1. I’m reading 1 episode max per review. You can totally request again if you want me to read more than that, though.
  2. All parts of the form are required to be filled, besides the poster part.
  3. If you feel I’m being too harsh, defend your story! It’s never my intention to be mean, but sometimes my critique can come off as nitpicky.
  4. I’m human, and therefore am biased. Admittedly, there are genres I don’t like as much as others. I’ll try to keep my biases in check, but tell me if you feel I’m being unfair.
  5. Keep in mind that these reviews aren’t fact – they’re my opinion! It’s up to you as an author to decide whether you want to use my review to change things about your story!
  6. Disclaimer: I don’t have an English degree. I’m not a professor. I am literally just a girl with a phone and a laptop who wants more stories to read, and wants to help others with their writing.

:tulip: The Request Form

Title: (So… what’s its name?)
Genre: (What’s the genre? List as many as you want!)
Style: (Classic, Ink, or Limelight?)
Story Summary: (This doesn’t have to be the summary on the story in the app! Make it longer or more detailed if you want.)
Poster: (Optional! If you have one, share it!)
Link: (The direct link to the story in case I can’t find it.)
“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: (Tell me anything you feel the story may be weighed down by. For example, maybe you’re not a native English speaker, so the grammar is faulty at times. Or you aren’t good at directing, so some shots are wonky. These might not excuse everything, but it’s better than me taking off unnecessary points.)

:rose: The Rubric

Title: ?/5. Is it unique? Is it relevant to the plot? Did it attract my attention?

Directing: ?/5. How fluid are the pans and zooms? If there were overlays, were they used well? Did the directing adequately support the story?
**(But just because your directing is basic doesn’t mean it doesn’t do the job well. In fact, points could be taken off for being too advanced, and therefore distracting.)

Characters: ?/10. Are your characters interesting? Are they realistic? Do their motives align with their actions?

Dialogue/Narration: ?/5. Were the things said interesting or essential to the plot? If there was included narration, was it necessary to add clarification, style, or a tone?

Grammar/Writing Techniques: ?/5. Speaking of words, were the things said written correctly? Were there minimal errors, or a lot? Was there purple prose? Was there not enough description where it was needed?

Plot: ?/15. This is the meat of your story. Therefore, it has the most points to be earned. How interesting is the plot? Did I want to play the next episode? Can the events of the plot be believed within the context of the world the story takes place?

Choices: ?/5. Were there choices? Did they feel important and immersive?
**(To me, some stories don’t need reader interaction. A good narrative is enough, sometimes! So getting a zero for no choices is no big deal, and I’ll omit it out of the final score.)

A calculated, averaged score. If I feel the story felt better than the actual grade, I may add bonus points for parts I liked.

:hibiscus::hibiscus::hibiscus: I’m debating maybe making a hall of fame or something for stories that I find very exceptional!

I hope you’ll consider requesting a story! :^)


Title: The FIVE Elements

Genre: Fantasy

Style: INK

Story Summary: Enter the life of the five elements and help them save the human world from approaching danger. Choices matter.
Play as all the five elements where you choose what path you’ll take, gain or lose points for your choices and face consequences accordingly. (Locked choices included - Where you can unlock it when you’ve collected enough points by making right choices previously.)

Episodes You Want Reviewed: 3


Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5655672267735040

“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: I’m not a native English speaker but I wouldn’t mind if you point out those mistakes. It’ll help me improve. Thank you for taking out time to review our stories. :smile:

1 Like

Title: Gone Rogue
Author: Soph :wilted_flower:
Genre: Drama
Description: Rose, aka “Rogue” : undefeated bare-knuckle boxer at The Bloody Knuckle for the past three years, crosses paths with the dangerous new owners. What happens when they need her help?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5336737542569984
Style: Ink
Episodes to Review: 3
Instagram: @sophy.episode

What I want you to keep in mind: Nothing. I am a second-year college student in America who should know how to write grammatically correct in English, so feel free to be brutally honest on the quality of my writing,

1 Like

Thank you for deciding to do this! I’ve wanted to create my own thread and review stories for others for the longest but I’m always like naaaaaah maybe next week lol.
Title: Illegal Alien
Genre: Fantasy
Style: Limelight
Story Summary: Stella befriends a stranger who stops her from committing suicide. Follow her life as she uncovers secrets of the mystery man and her own mortality.
Episodes You Want Reviewed: 3
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6005998233452544
“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: I recall that the MC is referred to as 16 and then 17 in the first episode. That was a typo and she is 17. That’s all I can remember to say lol.

**Title: Enagaged **
Author: Navya Sallan
**Genere: Comedy **
Style: Ink

Description: what happens whe you suddenly found out that you are engaged to a hot stranger in America and you are forced to move to America woth him!!!

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5810322648203264

_I would appreciate it if you read all me episodes up to 5_​:heart_eyes::kissing_heart::kissing_heart::heart_eyes::heart_eyes::kissing_heart::kissing_heart:

Title ; Distractors
Genre ; action / comedy
Style ; ink
Link ; http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5544763946303488
Description ; ashia is destined to be heir of an illegal gun business until her mom is murdered and she’s kidnapped by three strangers ,now she’s trying to figure out who killed her mom.
If you could review the first three episodes, that would be greatly appreciated !
I feel concerned about my directing & the amount of choices in the first three episodes but for the fifth one im trying to add choices that matter :slight_smile:

Hello , i just publish my story
Hope you want to read it and tell me how do you think in my story
Story Tittle : BROKEN SOULS
Name: Hannah S
Number of chapters: 3 (ongoing)
Style: Ink
Genre: Drama
Episode i want you review : 1-3
Description: You are divorce woman ! You have an accident and a memory loss but later your memory will return and there is your old love who wants to be with you again
Link : http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6142447511535616

story title: My Cousin is a Celebrity
Name: Chen
Number of chapters: 3 ongoing
Style: Limelight
Genre: Drama
Episode i want you to review: 1-3
Description: Quinn has to move into her cousin’s house after her mum’s death. She never met her cousin before, but once they meet she realises her cousin’s a celebrity! Will they get along?
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5003299425746944

Title: Breach of Contract
Genre: Action
Style: Ink
Story Summary: Fixated on revenge, she becomes a deadly assassin living by a strict set of rules. Will she be tempted to break them?
Episodes You Want Reviewed: 3, please
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5056498540216320
“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: Nothing. I’m just wanting to know if there is anything I can do to better my story. Thank you!

Moved to Share Feedback section as that’s where review threads live! :v:t2:

1 Like

Title: A Twist Of Faith
Genre: Fantasy/Romance
Style: Limelight
Story Summary: Faith’s life does a complete 180 when Destiny shows up in her room to explain Faith must save her old friend Damian’s life, and her own. Will she be able to in time?
Episodes You Want Reviewed: 3
Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5399214058766336
“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: My layering is off in the first couple episodes because I didn’t know how to layer until recently!

Title: A Lost Melody
Genre: Drama
Style: Ink
Story Summary: Trevor and Arleighna have been abused by their mafia parents their whole lives, but 6 months ago they took something important away from Arleighna, and that was the final straw. Trevor and Arleighna are ready to take it to the next step and rid the world of their parents existence: Operation Melody.
Episodes You Want Reviewed: 3

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6528914304925696
“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: I’ve had multiple people tell me the layering is off on one scene where 2 characters are hugging in either episode 2 or 3-and I’ve fixed it a million times. So I don’t know why it’s not working if it’s acting up whenever you get around to reading my story. Thank you!!!

Thanks everyone for requesting! Right now requests are closed!

The Five Elements

Title: 2.5/5. The title wasn’t very unique, maybe even generic, but it didn’t reduce the quality of the story. It’s pretty relevant, seeing as it describes the whole premise of the story. Haha, personally, it attracted my attention because I love elemental stories!

Directing: 3/5. The directing is adequate, if not awkward sometimes. I feel you zoom out too much when there are only two to three people on screen, and can frame it better. Especially the scene where Starla was floating, zoom in! It would make her really look like she was floating if you made it from the waist up. The music is what stood out to me – some of the tracks were left playing for too long in my opinion, and many of them didn’t really fit the mood. For example the tracks in the first episode didn’t fit the dramatic events of Teivel (Sorry if I misspelled!) attacking Sun and Moon. I thought it was pretty creative of you to put an overlay for Aloha so she could talk to the baby, lol!

Characters: 4/10. The characters aren’t flat per se, but leave something to be desired. They all seem nice and agreeable, which is great, but they need some flaws or charm. Sometimes, people make their characters cynical and sarcastic so they don’t appear too one-dimensional. It isn’t necessarily a good thing your characters can be summed up in a few words, like Marina just being happy-go-lucky. I can tell this plot is very character-driven, so try adding more facets to your characters. But in your defense, this was just the beginning of the story, so there’s plenty of time for the reader to get to know your characters more intricately. It was funny when Skye broke the fourth wall to call the narrator gorgeous, though, haha.

Dialogue/Narration: 3/5. The narration was pretty solid. I felt that the lore and explanations may have been more effective if it were a character thinking them, than just an omniscient narrator. For example, in the first episode when it was explaining the human-curse spell. The narration was very “tell, don’t show” instead of being “show, don’t tell.”

Grammar/Writing Techniques: 3/5. There were virtually no typos, just comma and capitalization errors! That’s pretty cool, considering you’re not a native English speaker! The only thing is that some sentences were a little stiff. I felt you didn’t have amazing sentence control, but definitely not bad! Experiment with sentence length and syntax – it can add a lot of style to your story, too.

Plot: 6/15. The plot is a fairly standard fantasy plot, but not a bad one! Its main problem is that it felt a little ‘by-the-numbers,’ meaning it didn’t WOW me but I can’t find any real fault with it either. I think it was kind of a problem that you introduced the elements in the same episode. This really hurt the plot for me. I would’ve preferred following one element, and then discovering the others gradually. It was just a big exposition dump and overwhelming. The second episode felt really long because of this. Because I really wanted to get through it, I didn’t feel anything for Tyson’s mom’s death, which should’ve made me feel really sad and invested.

Choices: 3.5/5. I liked that the choices really mattered! I don’t know how much work you put into the coding, but I’m sure it was a lot! Good job! The only negative I felt was that while the choices mattered in the score, I didn’t feel they mattered enough in the story? If that makes sense. Like my choice made the 5th element be created faster, but that would’ve happened anyway, so it didn’t feel very fulfilling. Also, it’s better when you get choices that make you really think. I felt some choices were obviously the ones I should pick, like the ones that made a character do something kind. They were usually the darker colored ones.

OVERALL SCORE: 25/50. OR a 50%.
It’s not a terrible story! I think it is just lacking a little personal style. Especially for a plot so well-used, it needs a little “pizzazz” to really make the reader stay interested. I would never condone or encourage people to copy other works, but one elemental story I love and think you should read is “The Five Elementals” by ARK. It has the same basic premise, but a much more intricate plot that also includes things like politics and adventure. Your story stagnated a lot by focusing on explaining, than furthering the plot. I wish you the best of luck, and happy writing!

1 Like

Thank you for the review. :smile:
I know the first few chapters doesn’t clear the plot well enough, but it’ll get clearer as you read further and so will the character’ personalities. And since this was just the intro, I didn’t add very effective choices, rather just the obvious ones and in the further chapters there will be much effective choices. But that’s up to you to read. :sweat_smile:
And yes, I’ve recently read 2-3 chapters of that story, The Five Elementals, and I’ve seen how the plot develops in that story and how well it is written.
I hope I’ll be able to do better in the future stories {if I write any :sweat_smile:}
Thank you again for reviewing my story. :slight_smile:

Title: The Most Powerful Scream

Genre: Drama/Comedy

Style: Ink

Story Summary: Tally is a mute trying to find her voice again. She suddenly gains the attention of the whole school when she starts speaking again and befriends Alexander Crawford.

Episodes You Want Reviewed: (choose from 1 to 3): 3

Poster: Cateyedgoddess

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4730912379633664

“What I want you to keep in mind is…”: It gets better after episode 3 XD but I think the first three episodes are a good introduction.

Thank you so much!!!

I did not forget about these reviews lolololol! Sorry for taking so long.

Title: 4/5. I thought the title was a cute play on words! It attracted my attention because I immediately thought of something thrilling and got excited to read it, which is always good.

Directing: 3/5. The directing is pretty good. You have a bit of a problem positioning your characters to the right (screen center and screen right). This would’ve fine if you would’ve zoomed in to frame it more, or by using spot directing to place both characters in the center (and then zoom on that). Instead the screen looked awkward and empty. I feel the lack of music most of the time really took away from the experience. This is kinda subjective, since plenty of people like silent stories, but I find it awkward haha. Also, since you didn’t zoom in, there could’ve been more background characters, like in the bar and what not. It helps to make the world these characters are in seem full and lively. Rose in the shower was awkward because it wasn’t an overlay, so she was just kinda dancing in front of it haha. You could’ve zoomed in so the tub would be out of sight. (Also her lipstick was still on) So moral of the story is, use your zooms! :^)

Characters: 8/10. I like the characters so far! They have a certain charm and spunk to them. They’re decent and hold up the story fine enough. Thought I noticed in the second episode that there was a use of default characters like Len and Sable. Even if they were minor, it is extremely noticeable to people who have been on episode for a decent time. I cringe everytime lol. It’s best to make your own characters, even just for 2 seconds of screen time. I thought it was great that Rose blew up at Tony after being talked to by Arturo and Santiago. Her complaints felt pretty reasonable and it seemed in-character (considering her personality lol).

Dialogue/Narration: 2/5. The humor was verrrrry distracting to me, especially in the beginning. I adore Deadpool, but in Episode, a lot of fourth wall breaking is distracting unless it’s a balls-to-the-wall kind of comedy. And I feel that this has a more serious tone than that. The story seemed like it wanted to be dark and exciting, but also light and funny, which I felt it struggled with. Besides that, there was a bit of an exposition dump when Rose stopped and watched the boxing fight. It may have been unnoticeable if the visuals changed, like watching fighters get ready, or focusing on the fight itself. Just a pause on Rose not moving made it really feel stretched out. Also, whenever characters sing in the shower I just tap through immediately, I’m sorry.

Grammar/Writing Techniques: 5/5. Near flawless grammar! :^) You just have a problem with verb tense agreement, though. You use present tense and past tense in the same sentences sometimes.

Plot: 10/15. Fairly nice plot. I liked that the second episode started off with Santiago’s point of view, and allowed us to know a bit more about him. I also like that Rose is the person they want to help with their mission. It felt nice to see a girl being the strong, mysterious fighter for once haha. As I said before, the lack of music made dramatic scenes really flat. There were a lot of talking scenes, and music would’ve made it more exciting, for lack of a better word.
But what took away from this score was that it made no lasting impression on me. There was a clear conflict but I never felt threatened by it. I have no idea how this could be improved unless maybe you show more of a dangerous element to the story? Maybe show the villain in the shadows plotting something, or Sara being scared and alone.

Choices: 1/5. I think there was only one real choice?? At least only one I remember, so I’ll omit the score. To roast Santiago or not. I’m sure that had no real bearing on the plot. Also there was a PJ outfit option, which wasn’t important.

OVERALL SCORE: 33/50. OR a 66%.
It’s pretty nice, really! It was just shy of a passing grade because I didn’t feel any true urgency to the story. I think it’s good you included a lot of inner thoughts and narration, since this is a drama and needs the audience to know what’s going on in these character’s heads. I would also recommend putting in some music as a good mood-setter. Happy writing!

title: Stuck in My Screen
genre: drama, romance, and a little bit of comedy
summary: it’s about this hacker girl who is basically stolen by this hacker group and then gets stuck in her screen
eps reviewed: just one please
link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5960003971973120
keep in mind that: this is my first story in 5 years and im not too good at directing, so if you have any ideas or ways i could improve please please let me know tysm!

REMINDER: Requests are closed for now! Any new ones will be on a queue, so don’t expect to see your review any time soon.

UPDATE: I’m gonna start lowering my reviews to only one episode. I realize trying to read up to three is super time consuming and eats up my passes lol. Sorry to the people who have already requested a review, but for time’s sake, I can’t do more than one anymore!

I have begun to only review one episode for time’s sake, sorry! As always, you can request as many times as you’d like for me to do more!

Title: 4/5. I love the title, personally. It kinda makes you think of illegal aliens as in immigrants, but it’s more literal haha.

Directing: 3/5. It’s a little awkward at times. The background character’s are positioned weirdly, like at the scene where Stella goes to school. The character’s move too quickly from one spot to another sometimes, so maybe add a few seconds in your spot directing. I get Abraham’s very tall, but he seems positioned strangely in accordance to everyone else. Like he’s floating. Also, whenever he walks on screen he has to walk up to his spot. Try spot directing with a negative x-value so this doesn’t happen (there are directing help posts on the forum)!

Characters: 5/10. I feel that Stella acts a little immaturely. She feels like she’s 8 than 17. A 17-year-old wouldn’t suggest to house a complete stranger unless they were injured… Maybe have her feel more of a resistance to Abraham when they first meet? Also, she seems depressed but also is very chatty. Of course, depressed people have changing moods just like anyone else, but she almost committed suicide. I felt it strange she was so chipper right after. I do love that she’s very open with her emotions, though. Part of me doesn’t know what to make of the dad, lol. He’s only 32, so I get he may talk pretty colloquially, but he seems very strict at the same time. He doesn’t seem like he’d say things like “You a hobo?” and “You crazy?” He feels more like an older brother to Stella. Maybe touch on that’s why Stella doesn’t see him as a true father. Hunter’s pretty interesting; maybe it’s because I love mute characters.

Dialogue/Narration: 3/5. I felt all lines were believable, besides the father’s. All narration was pretty necessary.

Grammar/Writing Techniques: 3/5. There was a distinct lack of commas in some areas, but nothing major. Some sentences were grammatically incorrect, like “You get an I.D. of where you were born” or something along those lines. It should’ve been in future tense, because it was a command, if that makes sense.

Plot: 6/15. I love the plot concept! I also love your summary description. I instantly wanted to check out the story because there aren’t many that touch upon depression. I’ll admit that when I started the story I was a bit disappointed. The story felt like it didn’t show the true depth of the depression Stella was feeling. The first episode was critical to show the reader how seriously it affects her life. The first episode ended very quickly, almost weirdly. Stella’s dad is nagging Abraham to get an I.D. and then after a pinwheel transition (which are used for comedy, not drama, by the way) then BAM, he finds out his DNA isn’t human. It felt a bit rushed. Also, why does the dad need a DNA test? I thought he just needed a background check?

Choices: 0/5. There weren’t any. At least none I can remember, so I’ll omit it. If there were and I just am not remembering, then this is a sign you should make them more memorable.

OVERALL SCORE: 24/45. OR a 53%.
But, I’m adding 5 points because I really adore the plot concept. It has so much potential, and by itself makes this story notable and memorable, in my opinion. So…

29/45. OR a 64%.

I think this story just touches on the surface of what it could really be. The characters seem a bit flat and two-dimensional, and sometimes unbelievable. I just felt a huge shift from the opening scene to the rest of the story. I didn’t understand why the tone changed so much, from serious to almost a sitcom. Once you fix that, I feel I’d be much more invested in the happenings of the story. Happy writing!