Feedback for a horror story (LimeLight)

Hey Everyone!
I would love some honest feedback on the first 3 chapters of my original horror story, The Weeping Trees.
Description-CC/Ll* Invasion of other lifeforms as destroyed the world. A stubborn former nurse is humanity’s only hope. Can she find the courage to save the world…and herself?

This story has LGBT options, a point system, and mini-games that include tappable options.


Do you still need someone to review and give feedback??

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hey! so we had set up a read for read a day or two ago, but then i saw that you were looking for feedback so i figured i throw some stuff in, because you’re looking for feedback! and i love to give feedback and help other writers improve!
so yeah, just don’t forget to read my story, since i’ve done my half! :grin::grin:
also, this is not me being mean or anything, just my honest opinion on your story!

Episode 1
  • love your intro! very cool! thank you for not using an author intro :joy:
  • i’m not really a fan of starting off and episode with creating the characters I’d rather just meet them first and then get to create them because then we know a little about their personality. and then we can customize them accordingly. just a suggestion!
  • i’d rather you didn’t tell us about these things using narration. instead show us! :grin: show us things about these characters through flashbacks and dialogue, instead of narration. this gives the reader the chance to form their own opinions on the characters!
  • your song when they entered the coffee shop played twice. was that intentional or…?
  • The anchor woman is reading something but she does not have a prop in her hand. be sure to add the paper prop! :grin:
  • move the TV overlay to the back so that the characters aren’t running behind it. it’s a layering issue. so for items or people in the back use @CHARACTER moves to layer -2 (or any number) and if you want them in the front use @CHARACTER moves to layer 2 (or any number) if you need to do it for an overlay subsitiute CHARCATER with OVERLAY
  • you’re making really good use of the sounds and music!
  • where did the characters go when the lights turned off? they just like disappeared, and then reappeared.
  • use ‘&’ commands more often to make the story less choppy, and to have it flow better. especially when directing animations. &CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop is better than @CHARACTER is idle_happy_loop because if you use ‘@‘ the script will wait for this animation to take place before it moves on and then there’s just this awkward pause so it makes the script wait for this animation to take place before it moves on, and then there’s just this awkward pause. so use &!
  • the mc and her friend preform the hug animation but they’re not hugging each other. they’re both like across the room hugging the air :joy:
  • there are a few grammatical mistakes that i’ve been noticing, like periods and commans missing, and a few typos (incorrect capitalization) i don’t particularly mind it, because i can barley speak english myself and it’s my native language :joy::joy: but i know that there are SO MANY people who take grammar seriously when they read. so just be sure to look back over your script and try and fix those errors.
  • maybe you shouldn’t put the characters so far low on the screen. because i know for tablet readers, they won’t be able to see your characters.
  • did i mention that you’re making a great use of the sounds? cause you’re making a great use of the sounds! :grin:
  • try using zooms more often. it really enhances the story! if you’re not sure where to put them just watch like any tv show or movie ever made and you’ll develop a good idea about how to do it.
  • we jumped from her bedroom to her closet, can you make her exit one room and then enter the next? it makes it look cleaner.
  • maleeah fell and then popped back up like it was nothing. try using the stand up animation to make it look more realistic. and then maybe the dust off animation or something.
  • wait she goes to the gun range to release frustration about what? oooooo i feel tea about to be spilledddddd :joy::smirk:
  • well… this is awkward. uhmmm so i cant continue it. like i literally can’t continue your story. i get to the slide across the screen part and it won’t let me tap anything. i even left the story, force quit the app, and replayed the chapter. but it’s just not happening, i can’t tapbyour items. i’m not sure what’d happening. i don’t know if it’s in your script, or if it’s another episode bug, or what’s going on but i can’t continue it. :sob::sweat_smile:
Overall Thoughts

It was great until i couldn’t finish it! :sob::sob::sob: i’m actually so sad about this because i wanted to do this review! all of that aside though, it’s pretty good! i’m a fan as of right now! the only notes i would give are to use less narration, like show us who the character is. we want to watch these things happen and develop! also, use the ‘&’ command more often to make the story smoother! other than that it’s pretty good! i do like it! just a few directing errors here and there but other than that it’s pretty good! but just look into that glitch during the scroll scene. honestly it may have nothing to do with you, i’m just not sure! :sob::sob: it’s a cool concept though! overall, you’ve got a good story on your hands as of right now! i hope this helped at all and i cant wait to see how big to grows!

Also, don’t forget about our read for read sis! :sparkling_heart: Since i only could do one episode for you, you only have to do one for me! That’s completley fine! Also, I’d love to hear your feedback as well! However you don’t have to! Thanks so much! :grin::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

My Story

Title: Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane
Author: Marshmallow O.
Genre: Mystery, Romance, Comedy
Summary: Time is running out as you and your friends try to escape the mysterious sleepover that you were invited to… Read to uncover the Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane.
Chapters: 4 (More to come)
Style: Limelight

Create your own characters and Choices Matter!:blush:

Shortened Link:

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Honestly I loved your story! I read it and added to my favorites. I also sent you a fanmail, I can’t wait to read more!

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:sob: thank you so much! are you going to be revamping yours?

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Yes! I’m removing the map from one of the scenes. It seems to be causing the most trouble. Then I’m going to fix all of my layering while I wait for my overlays/backgrounds to be approved :slight_smile:

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aaaaaa! can’t wait! thanks for reading my story btw! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::star_struck:

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