I am currently writing a fantasy-ish story. I’m almost done with the third chapter, but I don’t know if it’s good.
I am german and have no idea if I managed to bring my intention across with english words. I know what I wan’t the story/the MC’s personality/the other characters thoughts to portray, but I don’t know if the english words I typed really bring the german message in my head across, if that makes any sense
If anyone would be willing to read through what I have so far and answer a few questions, I’d be reallyyyyyyy grateful
About my story:
Title: Wild one
Description: Being woken up in the middle of the night and forced to flee her home country, Tala soon has to face a new life, an old love, and a part of herself that she hasn’t yet discovered.
(please only look t them after you read the story. Otherwise you’d be biased, because you’d know what to look out for )
Click if you read the story
At what point did you know this was a wolf story? Was it too early/too late?
Would you, as reader, rather not know about the whole shifter stuff until Tala herself knows about it?
Does Tala seem weird or crazy, because of her mood swings? Or was it relatively clear that all this has to do with her trying to suppress her fear/anger/any ‘weak’ feeling?
Is it confusing that you can sometimes read the thoughts of people around Tala? Or is it good to know what’s going on, although Tala is still in the dark about everything? (so that the reader is curious when Tala will find out what the reader already knows)
Do you think Theo is a ‘weak’ alpha for not immediately claiming his mate?
Is Nate (Mabels’ twin) a threat to Theo’s position as future alpha/ does Theo see him as such?
Why is Tala in danger? And why didn’t her parents tell her about it?
Is the language thing with the color switching understandable?
I hope someone has the time and patience to give me a little feedback and help my poor german brain to convey my story in a foreign language.