Hi, I read the first chapter and here are my comments:
- Not every sentence ends with a punctuation mark (I’m missing them in the intro) and some don’t end with the right punctuation mark.
- Sometimes, during a dialogue, the character’s mouth doesn’t move.
- Sometimes, after a character finishes a dialogue and another character starts a dialogue, the first character is also still speaking. When the second character starts a dialogue, make sure the first character does an idle animation (unless they’re supposed to speak at the same time).
- In some conversations, the speaking character ends a non-loop speaking animation and is stuck in the pose the animation ended in. Some non-loop animations end kinda weird and makes the character look weird if they’re holding that pose while the other character does their dialogue. Use an idle loop animation after the dialogue while the other character is speaking.
- You end some diaglogues with a comma and start the sentence after the comma in a new speechbubble with a capital letter. I’d recommend to not split one sentence in multiple speechbubbles.
- There are some minor grammar mistakes. If you want me to list them, send me a message.
Hope this is helpful!
If you want me to send you the exact dialogues where, in my opinion, there could be some improvements, send me a message! I’ll look at it tomorrow (it’s already almost midnight for me and I need sleep ).