FEEDBACK: Is this story plot and details good?


#1

Feedback needed!

Hi!
So I’m writing a new story so I can text out the new features that will be coming out soon and I thought I could use some advice or feedback!

Genre: Fantasy/drama

Description:
A once prosperous empire is on the verge of destruction as the black market comes crashing down onto it. Dark royal figures and Cruel Gang Lords fight to death over the throne of the glistening city of Tenebrae. Ivy stumbles across a huge factor of the war and has to make decision on what side she’ll support, will she save her city or help create a new one.

About Tenebrae:

District 1:

Is the remnants from the war that had happened many years ago.
People still resided within and above the flooded buildings living in poverty. This place soon became the slums.
Large container ships, rooftop cities, and floor by floor estates were the locations of black market trading.
Despite it being the lowest of low within Tenebrae, a lot of money could still be made there.
It was ravaged by drug-trading, the sex industry, and gang activity.
Despite there being so many active gangs, one topped them all. Unlike the rest, it didn’t have a name; only a presence. Some refer to it as the Underworld, Others simply call it the mafia. Either way, they weren’t to be messed with.

District 2:

Despite being a town for the lower income, it was still cozy and self sufficient. Unlike District 1, it was a bright agricultural town with great potential. The people were genuine and helped others without asking for more. It was isolated from the bustling capital as crops spanned up its hills and stopped at it’s flowing tree’s. It’s streets were full of vibrance and life, each of its citizens full of character. District 2 was a cultural melting pot and discrimination simply didn’t exist. People of every culture, language, and color could be seen walking its streets peacefully. To most, District 2 was seen as a perfect society.
Despite district 2 being lower in wealth, we still survived and prospered. The social aspect of our district was superior to the rest, our at least that’s what I think.

District 3:

District 3 is bustling with people rushing to work or shopping their hearts out. Here people had more than enough money to live so they spent it in businesses. A lot of the produce and products sold in District 3 were made or grown in District 2. The people lived in cycles, they work, eat, and sleep. District 3 was known for its businesses and fast growth. It produced the highest wealth within the businesses. The consumers lived in its towering apartments of expanding suburbs.
To make up for the lack of green space and land, they planted gardens on their roofs and stacked upwards.
District 3 resides just behind the wall making it the outermost part of the city. However, our empire hasn’t been threatened in hundreds of years so no threat is placed over District 3.

District 4:

Known for its historic marks and beautiful Greek architecture, District 4 is where the extremely wealthy and royal bloodlines resides. The capital sat right in the middle on a mountain overlooking the entire empire and its glistening falls. The district was built along the hill and down to the bay where lavish yachts and boats lined its docks. The people lived in town estates that reached the skies. Their floors tiled with marble and their hearts coated in gold. The only thing that truly went on with District 4 was politics.
Unfortunately, the other districts had no say in the position of emperor/empress. Only the nobles and capitalists in District 4 did. Every empress or emperor that dies, a new one must be elected within the royal bloodline. If not elected, the heir will receive the throne. Only blood relatives within the emperor/empresses bloodline can receive the throne.

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District 1 = the slums
District 2 = lower class - agriculture
District 3 = middle class - businesses and housing
District 4 = upper class - politics and royalty

What are your thoughts?


#2

It sounds really interesting and sounds like something I would definitely read! :heart:


#3

This is Ivy :heart_eyes:


#4

I would definitely read this, the plot is really interesting.


#5

Still taking feedback if you guys have any :hugs:


#6

Thank you :cherry_blossom:


#7

Sounds like an extremely complex and well thought out plot with lots of interesting opportunities for a fantastic reading experience!
I’m siked already :weary::ok_hand:t3:


#8

Thank you so much :heart_eyes:


#9

I also wanted to use this story to express a lot of diversity in characters.
There’s hardly any uncustomizable African American MC’s so I decided to express that with Ivy.

I wanted defeat all the prejudice and assumptions made about certain races. I can’t wait to write ivy and many more characters :heart:


#10

Ivy is the cutest :disappointed_relieved:


#11

I’ve never read a story of yours (please direct me to one I’d love to read some! ) so I’m not sure what kind of writing style you have, but this is a lot of information, so crafting out episodes that give just the right amount is going to be difficult. But getting it just right will surely make this one hell of an intruiging read!


#12

I know right.
She’s so gorgeous :weary:


#13

I do have a story published at the moment but it includes a sensitive plot that I’ve been tons of hate for it.
If you’re interested it’s called Not to Hot (limelight)

If you read it and you’re offended it wasn’t my intent to do so. :cherry_blossom:

Edit: Directing is my strong point tbh


#14

To be honest, people nowadays get offended far too easily in my opinion, just ignore it and keep doing what you believe in!
I’ll be sure to give it a read :slight_smile:


#15

Thank you!

Yeah, my stories about bullying and being over-weight. But it’s also a comedy?
I try to use jokes to soften the cruel nature and people think I’m making fun of bullying.

As someone who’s been bullied herself, I wrote the story for me. I guess people aren’t intelligent enough to look at the story in a deeper meaning.


#16

How can anyone truly get creative and explore their ideas if they keep pussy-footing around topics that cause truthful, raw and aggressive emotion
Hemingway never did that, Sylvia Plath never did that, Ken Follet never did that soooooooooooooooo???


#17

As someone who was and is currently being bullied for her weight, your story didn’t really offend me but that’s just me


#18

This sound really cool! I’d read it as an episode story and if it was, a book!


#19

You make an awesome point!
I definitely feel like avoiding sensitive topics can restrain creativity.
It’s important to write stories for yourself and nobody else.


#20

Thank you :two_hearts: