I just played the first episode of Mystery on Hanging Hill Lane, so here’s my feedback:
Beginning the episode I didn’t quite get the humour as I felt it was quite repetitive but that could just be down to personal preference. I didn’t feel as if the individual characters had much personality and all kind of merged. I think if possible, you should try and give your characters stronger personalities as a way of differentiating between them. Perhaps this could just be due to the fact that this was the first episode, however, I would still consider alterations.
I suggest allowing your readers more interaction with the game. More choices, even if they seem to be quite trivial to stop the reader from losing interest. I was very confused at why everyone just decided it was a good idea to go to the house without warning anyone prior to it, to me this felt very unrealistic and a little jarring.
Sorry, this sounds very harsh!
Onto the good stuff:
Your story idea is so fun, I think even if you gave the first episode a little bit more time to establish the characters the reader would be a lot more invested in having to attend this ‘party’ with the other guests. I am excited to see where this is going and will be continuing to read and give you feedback if you would like?
Your episodes were a good length which I think I need to take into consideration whilst writing mine, however, I do think more interaction is necessary to keep the reader engaged whilst minimal action is taking place. People want to be able to communicate their own personalities through these games and I think that’s what makes them fun to play. To me, it seems like you have a lot of your own personality in it, which is great, but you need to give the readers a chance to showcase theirs too.