Feedback on an Unpublished Story Needed


#1

Well, I have been messing about with limelight a bit as I never have really used it for directing so would love to see what y’all think.

I made this snippet for fun but would you be into reading this sort of story…?


#2

The MC is a POC male whose run away from the most important day of his life and his life changes from that day onwards.


#3

Omg I really don’t like Limelight, but your idea is great! I’d probably keep reading of you published it. Lalit is the rebellious character I’m searching for in our society :joy:


#4

Haha thank you, Lalit is petty af as well :joy: I already have a bunch of favourite insults for Lalit to use if I ever publish this:

fuck nugget

bitch breath

hoe factory

:joy::sob:


#5

Any other victims? I mean readers…

:eyes: :slight_smile:


#6

coughs then burps because Lalit got that kinda attitude

Also, if I ever do publish this story I am calling my readers f*ck nuggets :joy::joy::joy:


#7

Please publish it, I want to see people’s reactions to being called that :joy:


#8

Loool first chapter

"“Wassup f*ck nuggets?” :joy::joy::joy::joy:


#9

If it isn’t obvious this story has some crude humour, a lot of cussing and pettiness too so you have been warned :joy:

Here is some dialogue I planned out.

KALLUM: Whaddup, ass cake?

LALIT: For once in your sad life, can you not be such a f*ck nugget?

KALLUM: Only if you stop being a little b*tch wipe.

LALIT: Damn it, Kallum. This is serious!

KALLUM: Spit it out then, buddy.

LALIT: I am in deep sh*t so um help me.

other random dialog

SUSAN: Oh gosh, sir are you okay?

LALIT: …

SUSAN: DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

LALIT: Thirsty.

SUSAN: Do you want some water?

SUSAN: But to be safe is it against your culture for me to give you this type of water?


Y’all I made a monster and to make things worse I break the fourth wall. A lot.


#11