Feedback on my first unpublished chapter


#1

Hello everyone! :heart:

I am working very hard on my first story, “The Black Order”.
I have recently finished my first chapter, but I’m terrified that when I continue to write on my next chapters, I will repeat the same mistakes I did in my first. I’m also curious about what you might like about it.

I would truly appricate any feedback so much! I’m in no way easily hurt, so please be honest.

This is what I thought the covers could look like:

Small cover

Big cover

This is what I thought the description could be:
The story takes place in London, year 1839. As mysterious disappearances rages The Empire, you and your twin sister are recruited into the Black Order. A secret organisation for people with magical abilities, that seek to solve this mystery. This leads you into a chaos of love, life threatening missions, a king that grows more insane by each day and a war far greater then you could ever imagine.

The link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/5112143056994304

NB! I’m a Norwegian girl, so I suspect some grammar mistakes.

Thank you! - Luna :snowflake:


#2

It was very good and interesting :blush: Can’t wait to read more! :smile:

P.S. Så koselig å se noen fra Norge her på Episode forums :smile::wink:


#3

Thank you very much! :heart:

Æææ du er seriøst den første norske personen jeg har møtt her inne. :grin: Hurra for brunost hahaha :tada:


#4

I just finished reading it.


And just wow. I can see you put a lot of work in this and I can not wait to see it is published! There is no doubt I will follow this story until the end!

And don’t be too hard on yourself! Let me know when it is published and of course, good luck with writing!


#5

This made me so happy! :grin: Honestly, thank you so much. I’m really glad you like it and see my effort.
I’ll make sure to let you know when it’s published! And to not to be too hard on myself. :heart:


#6

I read it, and I love it.
Leon is mine.:blush::grin::star_struck:


#7

Ouh this sounds interesting!
Btw!
Nei, hallo nordmenn! Leng sia sist :joy:


#8

Næmmen! Enda en viking som er ute å går, jo. :grin: Om jeg finner flere nå, lurer jeg på om vi burde lage en gruppe.


#9

Hahah! Så absolutt :joy: kanskje det trekke ut resten av oss :dancing_women: