Feedback on plot?

Hey hey all! I literally just jumped in to a bunch of coding without a real idea of my story’s direction, and I need some feedback. I would really, really appreciate honesty! (feel free to complete dissect and roast this :crazy_face:)

A young woman who struggles to find work as a freelancer turns to a life of crime for money. She plans to rob a pharmacy, but things go awry and she finds herself with two bodies on her hands. She never planned to hurt anyone, and in shock, she lets herself be captured.
However, instead of being taken to prison, she wakes up in a strange room. She discovers that she was ‘recruited’ by a group of mercenaries who take people with little connections and erase their past. The world thinks she was killed trying to escape police custody; Now all she has to choose is if she wants to let herself be the perfect killer.

Well, that’s about it! This will be heavily action based, though there are other characters you can build relationships with. I have 3 endings planned based on head/heart points: You escape and go rogue, you rise in ranks and become the ‘perfect killer’, or you simply fail as an agent and they deem you no longer necessary.
As I said before, please be honest and as blunt as you want!


ok, one word, WOAH! Awesome plot! Thats my honesty! This is an amazing plot!


This plot is very very unique. I love it!


Thank you so much!

Aw, I’m glad you liked it!


That’s funny, I seem to have the opposite problem (I have all of my plot figured out, but have trouble actually coding it :joy:).

Anyways, it definitely sounds like an interesting read from the description you gave! I feel like there are some things that might need more development, like the MC’s motivations and background or the purpose of the mercenary group and what their objective is, but I think that you just didn’t include that because you didn’t want to give away much in the description :wink:

I think there’s a chance you might face potential issues with certain points of the plot, like how the mercenary group is able to find people with little no to connections and certain other aspects, but don’t let that discourage you from further developing your story :smile::gift_heart:


Why thank you! And yeah, we’ll just go with that :joy:

1 Like

Brilliant! I love it❤️

Also I’m an action fan so yeahhhh five thumbs up

1 Like

Wow :open_mouth: that’s a really good idea and I would so read it.

Maybe for them finding about the little to no connections could be that she went for interviews and one of the company’s or someone she was reviewing depending on the type of freelancer she is asks her about her family since that won’t be weird to ask.
:woman_shrugging:t4:Just an idea. But I wouldn’t totally read it. Let me know when you publish please and thanks. :smiley:

1 Like

Wow, that’s so smart! I was thinking that since they’re clearly not confined by the law, they would just casually spy :woman_shrugging: I really don’t know and might just use that :joy: Thank you though! I’ll definitely let you know.

Lol that’s okay. :joy: I know how you feel we tend to go big and complex in certain plots when the best thing is simplicity as it makes it more credible and easier to explain .


Sounds amazing so far but I do have one concern.

This part I’m a bit confused about. Where is the connection to the mercenaries and the young woman deciding if she should become a killer? Just remember that mercenaries are people payed to do something. Are the mercenaries working for someone in particular? And do they specialise in murder (or assassination, perhaps?)?

Mm, the term mercenary here is a bit convoluted. They specialize in assassination and the woman was picked for two reasons; She had no existing family members/close friends or SO’s, and she showed a certain drive and motivation towards crime (exhibited from her robbery and murder, though accidental). While she is not paid, the group takes care of her living costs, and she has no choice but to work for them. The group works for themselves, and the woman’s choice to ‘become a killer’ is the choice if she wants to play along with the group or try to defect.
Thank you for the feedback, though! I truly appreciate it. I should’ve been more specific, and this should help me be a bit clearer in the future!

1 Like

Wow that’s actually really good!! Hmu when it comes out. :kissing_heart:

1 Like

Okay, that makes more sense now! I’ll look forward to reading it!

1 Like

ooo i love the plot, i would defo read!!

At first it was kinda Breaking Bad-esque… Until the assassin stuff or whatever.

Frankly, the premise is a bit retarded, but all the (potentially) good ones are. I’m gonna need more story in order to actually give you any substantial feedback.

Well yeah, I’m not exactly going to deny that. Anyways, I’m working with an amazing beta reader, and she’s helping me develop the story a bit more. I’ll keep ya’ll updated.

1 Like

This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.