Feedback on story plot pls

hi! i have some ideas for my story and i’d love some feedback on what you think!

Plot

the mc’s mother was murdered because the father was involved in mafia and gambling. the mc moved out at 18 and told her father to never try to contact her or meet her (or anyone important to her). he promised to try. the mc met a guy on her first day in university but she was scared of getting close to him because she’s deeply traumatized, has trust issues, and is scared that her father will hurt him. they get close and fall in love, but her father’s enemies come after the LI.

my problem with this one is that it’s a mafia-based romance story and i know that people are really straying from the mafia genre so idk if people would like this story? i’m not trying to romanticize mafia or anything like that, i just thought the plot would be interesting, thrilling, and enjoyable. episode has a lot of guidelines but the story is dark so it could be risky.

I would really appreciate any thoughts on the story or any suggestions. I have a couple of episodes planned out and one is directed already so I hope to decide before I fully commit to the story.

Thank you! :sweat_smile:

I have seen @Malannee comment on these types of things. Maybe she could give you a good point of view??

Sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged, Malannee.

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Hi! I just wanted to say I don’t really like mafia stories at all however a lot of people don’t like them due to the romanticisation of mafia characters. Your plot does not involve the conventional mafia story whereby an innocent girl falls for a mafia leader (or at least I assume the boy she falls for isn’t). But I think it sounds really interesting the concept of her dads mistakes and issues coming back to haunt her by the mafia or ‘bad people’ going after her love interest. I think this would be a good story as it isn’t romanticism of crimes but rather showing how they can eventually catch up with you and damage your life. If you do publish this story I’d definitely be interested in reading it to see how you shape the events of her and her fathers past and how it causes them to come after her and her love interest. Apologies if you are intending for the girl to fall for a mafia leader, a lot of people love these stories. I personally do not just because I think it’s overdone and a little bit of a strange trope.

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I think it’s a very good and original idea! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I really appreciate that, thank youu!! it means a lot to me :))

I do agree with most people about how the mc falling for a mafia leader is done way too much and romanticizes toxicity in relationships and stuff like that, I’ve tried to make this story more about their development as friends and (eventually) as a couple, especially when they have to deal with her father’s past.

Thank you so much for the feedback! :white_heart:

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Aww thank you so much, I really appreciate it!! :white_heart:

:heart:

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While I don’t read or like mafia stories in general, I do think your story has a unique twist above the others-- your MC and LI aren’t mafia. Maybe another twist would be that the mafia is trying to regain what her father owes them by going after his family (they wouldn’t know that they’re estranged)-- they’re still his enemies (since he owes them) but it’ll make it another layer of different.

I do appreciate the fact that you aren’t romanticizing the Mafia and while there are restrictions to what you can show – I think as long as you don’t graphically describe anything and maybe do fades/cuts away from the violence so that it’s implied ( in example mafia guys shoot someone but zoom close on mafia guy doing the shot then fade).

Either way, I think that your story plot sounds like it’ll be a good story-- advice: develop the hell out of your characters. Make them feel real. That’ll add even more to the story since there are so many out there (not all are great at character development and evolution throughout a story. ) So, I’d focus a lot into the mc, backstory, her plans, future etc… Also, everyone loves a slow-burn relationship. :slight_smile:

Good luck!

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I think that sounds really good! You should go for it :blush:

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oh wow thank you so much!! :))

I really appreciate all of that! I definitely spent a lot of time working on my main character’s story and even the LI’s character as well. and I’ll keep improving the character’s traits and adjusting the plot as it goes.

and haha I was always curious about whether slow-burns or fast-burns were the preferred option so thats good to know :sweat_smile:

Thank you so much for this input, it means a lot to me! :white_heart:

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thank you so much, I appreciate that! :white_heart:

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You’re welcome :slight_smile: And yeah, definitely take some time and really develop your characters that way when you make the story you know exactly how that character would respond to a situation, etc. You could also search for character sheets so that you can fill them out and see what parts your haven’t really fleshed out. :slight_smile:

And yes, slow burn especially if your MC has past traumas that prevent her from trusting etc. No one with trust issues is gonna jump into a relationship after knowing a LI for a few days :joy:

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this is so useful, thank you!! I feel like rn my character is all over the place :sob: I wanted her to be confident with past pain but so far Im making her more like me- like quiet and reserved so I need to work on that

haha true i was originally making it a slow-burn but I’ll try to include some scenes of the mcs’ growing attraction too maybe?

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