First chapter Opinions

episodeshae · October 23, 2018, 11:12pm

Hey guys,
I would like you to read the first chapter of my story and tell me what you think of it.
Too dramatic? Too fast? Is the length of the chapter okay? Improvements?

I would like the absolute truth as this will help me improve my writing on episode, and as I am also a new author.
Thanks!

LINK TO STORY:
Celine Fashion

I’m also looking for some exceptional cover artists. Any recommendations or Help?

Episode.vel · October 23, 2018, 11:16pm

I will read it and give you feedback
Do you have an ig?
I hope its ink

episodeshae · October 23, 2018, 11:18pm

Yes - @episode.shae
edit It’s not ink xD

Episode.vel · October 23, 2018, 11:19pm

Aaahh im not a ll fan but I’ll read it ok

episodeshae · October 23, 2018, 11:20pm

Thanks x

Lurhu · October 23, 2018, 11:30pm

One bit of feedback from me: your character customization needs fixed a little. Take the “What’s your name” prompt outside of the customization-- put it before your customization label. Every time I select something and say “Done” it asks me what my name is again

Episode.vel · October 23, 2018, 11:42pm

Yes. Thats true

Episode.vel · October 23, 2018, 11:49pm

Ive checked it out…
The lenght, directing, plot is good
But when you have a pov of eg 10 lines, it would be better to &zoom in and out

And i have a sc here
For every dialouge, it would be better to add an animation or the chapter will staring at the reader while he/she is talking

First chapter *Opinions*

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First chapter Opinions