First chapter reviewer needed!

Hey all!
Could one of you possibly read through my first episode and tell me the areas where I could improve? I’ve already pinpointed all of the typo’s and I’m working on fixing them so I’m not worried about that! Thank’s all :blob_hearts:


You can drop your story in my tent dear.

Hi! This is Gale here.
I just read your story and I can tell you it’s pretty good so far.
Heres my review for you

Spelling and grammar : 10/10
Your spelling is amazing, I did not even see those typos you mentioned. Just remember to add an apostrophe where there is a possession.

Length : 10/10
For the first chapter, this seemed to be a really good length. You managed to add both worlds in this chapter without it being too long.

Coding : 10/10
Your use of overlays and tappable overlays stood out right away. It was really good, I didn’t see any odd spot directing, you moved the wheelchair in perfect timing. I loved how you coded it. I also think the music you added to each scene was appropiate for the situation.

Plot : 10/10
This is a very interesting story, I did not see any plot-holes, but rather many aspects of this story’s ability to draw a reader in. It was easy to understands and there were no cryptic scenes, instead just suspenseful ones.

General : 10/10
You added a warning for younger readers and censored the swear words correctly. You didn’t explore serious topics innapropiately and nothing was problematic and distressful. There were was also no use of weird tropes. This was very good!

Overall, it was really promising. I hope you release this soon, and that it is a successful fantasy story. Please, please go forward with confidence and maintain the high effort put into your work. If you ever need my help you can message me. I do not know if you have any coding errors but if not I think it is totally publishable.

  • Love, Gale (From The Sisters Grin)
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Hi! The arrow for the intro glitched on screen for me right before it entered. This happens a bit throughout your story. Make sure to use all & instead of @ before a transition fade in.
Good job with zooms and the wheelchair. I liked the story in general and the directing is overall good aside from what I just mentioned. Keep it up and please update me when you publish!

Hey! So sorry that I’m getting to you so late :sweat:
Thank you so much!!

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Hey! Thank you so much!
I’ll have a look at the arrow thing because it hasn’t been messing up much for me or on my device but It’s been messing up for others! Thank you for pointing that out :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
Thanks again!

i can!

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