First Episode Reviews!

If you drop your story’s name below I can do a first episode review! I also tend to be very critical about minor things, and you definitely don’t have to take my advice. I’ll mostly be reviewing on story, characters, and content, but if I see a directing error that bugs me I’ll point that out too :slight_smile:

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Can you read Because of Dairy.


Please response me

Yes, of course. I’ve already read the story description, and I was wondering if you are a native English speaker. The grammar seems a bit weird and if you aren’t, I would suggest getting someone who is to proofread your episodes and spelling/grammar before publishing.

Oh yeah sorry for my mistake. But I really feel that I am so weak in grammar

please help me

I would love to!

Genre: Adventure/Fantasy/Comedy (If that makes sense)
Title: Save Me, Hero!
Author: Turtle Cat!
Plot/Summary: After powerless Hero moves from a town where everyone has superpowers, she gets kidnapped by a group of fugitives who are forcing her to join them. What will she do?
Style: Ink
This story has 4 episodes
Cover:

HERE’S THE LINK!

i could help proofread if you’d like!

Yes please tell me?

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sure! if you pm me, i could help you more there!

What do you mean? PM?

Alright here it is:

Like I said previously, grammar and spelling is definitely a thing to try and fix. One of the first things that drives away a reader (and me) is bad spelling. I also noticed that when you enter your name in at the beginning, instead of saying So, (your name), what’s your look? it says So, CLARA, what’s your look? Also, remember that when a character is walking to not make them do another action at the same time. And when characters are talking, make sure they are using a talk action otherwise their lips aren’t moving. There are uncountable directing errors that make the story seem choppy, and it doesn’t flow well. It’s hard to keep up with because of the broken English, which I understand, so I strongly suggest you have a fluent English speaker look over your script before publishing.

Honestly, the story was very hard to follow and understand/decipher because of the spelling and grammar. All I understood was that you are a new girl at a college and meet two new boys after making a couple of friends at the beginning. One, a bad boy, and other, a prankster. You go to the principals office and try to get them in trouble I think? For me, this story is lacking a real hook. I’m not interested in the content because it’s very hard to understand what’s going on. It’s very short as well, and it seems to be lacking real content. A first episode should be on the longer side, and I suggest that you practice more with directing and writing the story. Sadly, I wouldn’t keep reading this story.

Good luck with your writing in the future! :slight_smile:

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click on my profile photo, then you should see a blue button that says Message. Click that to message me! :blush:

Thanks for your advice

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You kill for a living. Running your own assassination business has its ups and downs. What happens when the man you’re sent to execute happens to spark your interest?

Author Name:
TeahWalker323

Link:

Cover:

Title: Epic Failures
Style: Ink
Author: SakuraCheam
Genre: Comedy
Description: Juggling life and spy work. Cliche, right? Mix along more problems with friends and daily problems some may have like anxiety, and BAM! You get the result of a trio of Epic Failures!
Chapters: 3
Status: In Progress

There’s no sound as of yet, I’m planning to put sound when I make my splash for the volume warning, and I’m also planning to try and attempt timed choices and have more overlays. I also really appreciate this thread for the feedback and hope I can improve my story in some way! ^^

Can you read Tied Together?
By Molly

Austentatious by: ER Gurney
To Love & Be Loved by: Steele Magnolia
These are my 2 favorite ones so check them out!!

Check out this story!

The cover is really interesting, and the description definitely hooks on a reader.

It seems very unlikely that a father would not be in the delivery room when his child is being birthed, but I’m happy that you didn’t begin the episode with a long backstory/exposition in the form of a paragraph. But I could also see how a reader could get easily bored, there isn’t much of a shock value to “baby being born”. I really like the intro sequence though, it’s different than a lot of others. Also, amazing use of text effects and sound/music! And when Hero introduces the town and reveals that everyone has a superhuman trait, there’s the shock value. Definitely won’t be clicking away at this point. Minor error: I chose to be positive and Hero says This was gonna be great, should it be This is gonna be great? Also, a lot of stories begin with a move so I hope that yours doesn’t fall into a lot of tropes and cliches. When you show the list of information for the first dude, it seems a. bit out of nowhere. Minor spelling issues. The first part of the episode lacks a sort of ‘drama’. It seems like Hero is just moving somewhere new. Of course, there is the aspect that she hasn’t gotten her powers yet and doesn’t think she ever will, but nothing super interesting is happening and that’s the essence of a first episode. Also, even if the reader chooses to stay positive, I find it very unrealistic that someone that was literally just torn out of their home town and moved to a new town with a new school and new surroundings is still overly positive and happy. For the dressing scene, I think that it engages the reader more to have a dressing game rather than showing the outfits first. Hero goes to school and… that’s it? From my point of view, the first episode should reflect on the story summary. It doesn’t. It ends rather abruptly and it would be a lot better if there was a cliffhanger or something to keep the reader interested. Would I keep reading this story? No, because nothing compels me to click the next episode. But fantasy also isn’t my favorite genre, so that plays a part too.

Good luck with writing in the future, this story has a lot of potential! :smile:

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Thank you so much for the review! Really helped!

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